Degree hate

I’m taking up something for my degree which I really hate (and giving up something I really love) because I want to get a permanent residence in the U.K. and this is the only way in which I can get a job and a working visa. If I don’t get my permanent residence certificate, I’d probably breakdown and commit suicide because my hard work will mean NOTHING in the end.

"God"

I feel like God picks on people and sometimes I scream at him when I’m alone.

Sophisticated Innocence

I was only a child, approximately 8 years old and yet, apparently I was older than my years. I went into one of the rooms in our house, to get something or put something into the wardrobe. I obviously sensed a presence since I turned to look at the back of me and there, standing and hiding behind the door was a man. I recognized the man, he was a workmate of my Mum’s. Not a word was spoken but we looked directly into each others’ eyes for several, very long seconds then I simply continued on getting or putting and left the room. I have no recollection of anything pertaining to that incident since. There was never a mention of it that I can remember. I do not recall my Mum sitting me down to confer and instill the need for secrecy for my part and yet, I knew that my secrecy was imperative. My Mum and I have a very close friendship and we do discuss other affairs, with men, that she has had. However, to this day, that particular event has never been discussed or even eluded to. I can only surmise that the affairs that she willingly discusses must have some justification, in her mind and this particular one was more errant and deceiteful.

How extraordinary that an eight year old child holds the ability to discern or judge what is true, right or wrong, or harmful and instictively exercises a course of action that pledges allegiance. That the innocent child can have such a strong feeling of devoted attachment and affection to ascertain that being loyal to one’s family and preserving it’s harmony is imperative is astounding.

I often find myself thinking, as I look into the eyes of an innocent child, what wisdom lurks there?

My Summer On The Ice Cream Truck

I was 15, a girl, he was 22, a bona fide hippie. Long hair, sandals a true hippie for the year 1975. When I first saw him he was standing on the ice cream truck giving out free records with every purchase. (more…)

Guilt For Leaving

I feel terrible every day that I am away from my mother. I have a great fear that once she is gone I will regret every day I spent away from her. This is my biggest fear in life. I feel like moving away from my hometown was a mistake, but I have been gone for so long I don’t know how to go back.