Self loathing

I’ve been with my current girlfriend for 2 years and i mean the world to her but i feel id be better off alone. I hate myself for lying to her but i want her to be happy so i say what she wants to hear. Not only this but I’ve never stopped loving my ex girlfriends.

Was it me?

When I was growing up my mom would hit me when I was bad, it started out as spanking and such but as I got to be older/bigger she couldn’t spank me so she would punch me in the face, drag me by the hair, sit on top of me hitting me, hold me against the wall and slap me, pound me w/her fists, throw dishes, cans of food at my head, etc etc. I am 5’2 110lbs she is 5’9 220lbs. I thought everyone grew up like this til I got older of course.

When I was 13 she was pregnant (I dont know how far along) she got upset over something- I can’t remember and ran after me (I had learned by this time I could outrun her) I got into the bathroom and was trying to shut/lock the door and she got in before I could get it locked in time. I was pushed against the wall/toilet backed into the corner and she just started pounding on my head, I stuck my foot out and pushed her (against her stomach) away from me. At the time I dont know if I knew she was preg or not because for some reason that is not in my memory.

She had a miscarriage- and blamed me. She screamed at me that I did it because I kicked her in the stomach, she called all her family/friends and I heard her telling them on the phone I did it.

Time passed and I tried to push it from my memory, because I knew it had to have been me and I couldn’t deal with it. The years went on, the physical fights went on with her.

15 years later I tell the story to my husband to get feedback, knowing now as an adult that at 13 I was a child defending myself and not understanding what was going on, and she was a 35 yr old woman who knew she was pregnant why was she attacking me?? My husband says obviously she is abusive/crazy- but in my heart I feel like something was my fault or something is very wrong with me. I know now that I am older that and can see who she is that she is messed up, but WHY do I feel like this when I think about what happened. I wish I could erase memories.

Emotional/mental vampire

Ever since I got involved with this guy, I haven’t paid my teenage sons much attention. We used to be very close. It used to be just us three for a long time. I have guilt. My oldest went to stay with his grandmum. My youngest pretty much ignores me. This guy just takes up so much of my life and my energy. I’m like his goat on a tether. I want away from him. I pray for the money to flee. He’s ruined me. My job. He has sucked the life out of me so completely I feel I don’t even have the will to get out on my own. I don’t know how this happened. I feel so weak for letting it happen. What happened to me? I used to be so strong. Help me God. Help me put my life and my family back together. Isn’t God the one you’re supposed to turn to when you can’t do something on your own? Well, I have- for the last three years. There’s been no answer.

Help. To the Universe or whoever is there listening and can be moved enough to care. Help.

Confused

i have a boyfriend but i have a crush on someone else.

I can’t stop cheating

I have been with the girl of my dreams for 6 years, and yet I can’t stop cheating on her. I crave the thrill that comes with every new chase. I’ve had relationships on the side, ranging from a one night stand to a one year relationship.

We just graduated from college, and talking about getting married. I don’t know how to tell her that she can do so much better.

Don’t want to do it anymore

I’m the parent of 4 kids, 3 of which are teenagers. I live with my 5 year old daughters father who I have been with for 7 years. He is useless, my exhusband is useless. I work full time and have a 2 hour a day commute. On top of this I’m in school full time, I pay all of the bills for the kids except the morgage, do all of the shopping and cooking and cleaning because my kids are too lazy to do the chores they have unless they want something from me. The days where I want to “go out for milk” and never come back are more and more frequent and I hate that my life has reached this point. I come home and I cry, I yell at my kids and I cry, I think about how miserable they must be too and I cry. There has got to be a better way to live life then to regret every choice I have made.

We never talked about it, so now I never talk to them

We never had any problems in my family. Drugs, alcohol, teenage pregnany, cutting, cancer. Not a problem. We pretended it didn’t happen. Never said a word about it. Eventually we couldn’t even look each other in the eyes.
8 other people in that house and not one of them came to see me in the hospital.
30 years later and they wonder why I never call.

down there

I caught herpes from a rape and cant tell anyone. I have been abstinent since finding out. I cant risk dating and the rejection or worse the person telling my secret to everyone or someone I know. My life sucks now!

It’s Not OK

I lost my virginity to a “friend” who is five years older than me. When we first met he was so nice. He made me feel wanted and special. I had never really had a relationship before I met him I though that it could be really nice with him. We started hanging out more, and more. Then 17 days after our first kiss we has sex. It was not fun or special or anything. Ever since then things between us have been strained and weird. We never talked about having sex. I don’t even think he knew I was a virgin until I told him he took it. Now the only thing I get out of being around him is pain. He is emotionally abusing me in a passive aggressive way. I try and break off the friendship, but I feel like it makes the fact that I lost my virginity to him stupid and dumb and not worth it. I know it’s not but I just don’t want to loose it. So I talk to him again. I don’t know what to do about him and where to go. I’m tired of constantly being confused and having all this pain I can’t tell anyone about.

So Alone

I’ve been depressed, I’ve realized for several years, I’ve only just now acknowledged this. There are many instances in my life so far that have diminished my sense of worth. My parents divorced when I was three and I raised by my mother. My father left and moved to another state. I’ve met in three times in my 25 years and each of those times I wished he hadn’t come to see me because it always got my hopes up that he would stay forever, but he didn’t. A part of me hates him for not caring enough to stay.

Then there’s my mother, who I love very much, but we have our differences. She sheltered me my whole life. I know she only wanted to protect me from bad things or becoming like some of my relatives, but because of this I missed out on things I never got to experience.

While my friends in high school were planning where they were going to go to college and what they wanted to do with their lives, I was avoiding the idea of a future. I didn’t want anything to change. I still have this issue with change and I sabotage any happiness I could have. It’s something I’m working on changing.

I’m currently a Junior in college and since I’ve been there, I haven’t made the effort to make friends. I haven’t had a friend in seven years, which breaks heart because it’s mostly because I’m too afraid for people to know me and of being rejected. I’m horrible at conversations, it’s been so long since I’ve had a friend that I don’t know how to talk to people. I desperately try to fill this void, but I always end up feeling empty. I know I need to let go of the past and move forward, but sometimes it’s so hard. I want to reach my full potential, but I don’t know how.

Exhausted

In the past week, I’ve had major foot surgery, watched my best friend’s husband die (and then planned the funeral because she was a mess), inherited a dog (he’s sweet, but I just don’t have time to take care of the poor guy), and found out that I’m being laid off. Now, I am a teacher, and this all happened over my “spring break.”

I needed a break from my break, and called in sick today, and didn’t answer the phone when my grieving friend called… Why do I feel so guilty for taking a day to take care of myself?

Culture and Religion in Love

I am a Muslim from India and I am in love with this American woman. she loves me more than anything in this world and so do i. she wants to Marry me. she has told everyone about me over there. for her there are no issues. but i belong to a culture which is very conservative. i havent told my parents anything abt it yet. I am sure they will never accept her.. I am in a very frustating situation about what should i do. if i marry her that would mean i have to give up everything over here…. I wake up every morning thinking about if i should leave my home and live with her in USA.. Please suggest me what should i do.