SMOKING

I have smoked for a year now. I know my parents don’t want me to, and they don’t know. Some of my friends don’t like it either. but you know what? i don’t care what they think! smoking makes me feel better, and i don’t care what people say. Just because i smoke doesn’t mean that im a bad person. I am deffinately not. I just have dealt with a lot lately, and smoking is somthing i can enjoy and takes off the edge. so GET OFF MY BACK.

Friend or a demon?

You double faced bitch!You were my closest friend(or I think I only had a fake impression!).You were supposed to be with me when I broke up with him,who I loved so much.I was damn ruined that time.What I needed was I little bit of care and affection from my friends.
But you black bitch,You went to support HIm!!!ANd what reason did you give me for that-”I am his friend too,and he needs me too!”You know what,you should look at your stupid ugly face once.No boy in his right sense would ever even look at you!
I know what your problem is;never ever been proposed by any guy,did you?Ooooo!POOR YOU!You thought,you can sieze him?HA!For your kind information,He considers you as his SISTER (as does every other boy of our school)!Yet again,POOR YOU!
Always trying to be attractive,so that atlest one guy looks at you.U R PATHETIC.
And you ditched your friend for a guy!I think God has seen my condition,and He’ll never forgive you,YOU FILTHY,UGLY Girl!
And let me tell you one thing,Few years back,I fancied your brother,and that’s why I grew intimacy with you!
But yeah,in a small time,I got really attached to you.And You Betrayed me.You’ll pay.

i hate her…=[

i hate my bestfriend,she is so much prettier than me,so much more popular than mee.but thats not even the worst part,not to long ago she was the frumpy fat girl who everyone hated and now everyone likes her,everyone wants to be her and everyone wants her…and its never fair…is there somthing wrong with me? i have lost respect for myself because not only do i hate my bestfriend who i have been friends with since second grade but i’m willing to do anything to be better than her…=[*

I want him hurt.

I could not stand the thought of my EX-Boyfriend sitting in his house and leading a normal life after hurting me so much.So, I let out a rumour that i am with another guy.I wanted that a slight bit of boiling hatred in my heart shall be experienced by him too.And now I know that he is hurt by this fake news.THis has relaxed me a bit.But,was I wrong?Help me.

money problems

Im so mad that I cant do anything about all the money problems in my house I hate how my mom wont use common sense when I tell her dont but that I have how no one wants to use common sense im 16 and im scared something bad will happen soon

confessions

i please myself almost every night.
but if you please let me meet my favorite band, god, i will stop.

i can’t help but feeling that he is punishing me for doing this.

through it all

after everything we’ve been through i still love you, miss you, and want you back in my arms.

you’ve cheated on me so many times i’ve lost count. you’ve verbally, emotionally, and even physically abused me and i forgave you for it all.

you ignored me, blew me off, and even put drugs before me, but i waited to be in your arms again.

you gave me HPV because of all the cheating and i just dealt with it.

we got pregnant because you wanted to, remember?, and even when you forced me to get the abortion, i couldn’t be mad at you.

however, when you replaced me with another girl two days after the abortion…you brought me to the end of my rope…

and even after i stood up for myself the other day, and let all my bottled up anger and hurt out, i actually regreted hurting you in the slightest way.

i was more sorry than i’ve ever been.

i went to jail because of this man.
i drove my car into his car because i couldn’t take everything he was doing to me anymore.

after i did it, he punched me 4 times in the head, spit in my face, and pulled a knife on me.
….and i was worried about him the entire time i was tortured in jail.

i am charged with malicious damage of property, and he is charged with battery and aggravated assault.

and i was worried about him…

over two years time he did more to me than any person should EVER do to another, and i can’t believe i still would give anything to hold him close and kiss him.

now my fate lies in the hands of the judge and i have no idea what will happen at my court date.

i’ve never felt more alone, depressed, and the desire to curl up and die the way i do now.

I love you

Even though i know we can never be together, there is part of me that keeps hoping, and keeps wanting the impossible…

I wonder how long its going to take for that wanting to go away…i keep waiting, i keep expecting that one day im going to wake up and not have these feelings, or that each day a little bit of them dies until one day i realise that they are gone…

It seems to be the opposite though, the wild infatuation has gone yes, but it seems to have been replaced by a genuine love and respect. One that doesnt fade, doesnt envelop me but haunts each moment. My waking thought, my sleeping dream.

I think i have accepted that he is with her, i have accepted that they are together. I have no choice but to either accept it or tear myself apart with it, i try not to think about it all the same..i dont want to face it, but i know he must kiss her goodbye, and tell her he loves her….

But every day that love i have for him seems to grow a little more. When all i want it to do is fade, to release me. Release me from the torment i put myself in..all of my own doing. I want to be able to think of him being with her and being happy for him, not for it to feel like its ripping me apart and wanting so badly for it to be me.

A Friend?

My best friend, I love her to death but she is very selfish and for the past year has been trying to hang out with this younger crowd of people, half of which are still in high school I know none of these people are he “True” friends, Although I’ve known her for much much longer than any of these kids, she treats them with way more validity than me, and when she goes out she hardly even invites me anymore and when she does she hardly ever introduces me to the people who I haven’t met yet even if I’m right next to her when she’s carrying on a conversation with them, It used to be we’d go out together and invite people, now she goes out with others and hardly invites me. I am a loyal person and hold friends very close, we are much older than this crowd and she is swept up in this whole high school popularity contest at nearly Thirty years old( sorry to say but it’s kind of pathetic ). She treats me differently as if she has a new life and I am just some reminder of a old boring life she has tried to leave behind. Mind you she has child and an abusive ex-husband, I was the only one their for her when they split, I just feel that she is not really my friend anymore I don’t think I could ever truly talk to her when I’m going through something, at least not without her judging me and criticizing me afterwards. She is also a compulsive liar and tells me outrageous exaggerations, ones of which she should know that I know she’s lying about. ugh its so annoying

rolling stone

WHEN MY FATHER WAS A YOUNG MAN HE WENT OUT & GOT SEVERAL WOMEN PREGNANT I WANTED TO KNOW MY SIBLINGS WHEN THEY WERE YOUNGER NOW
I DON’T IM 32 & COULD CARE LESS TO KNOW
THEM AM I WRONG ????

LIE

EVERYONE AT WORK THINKS I’M MARRIED TO THIS
RICH GUY I LIED TO THEM ALL. IM POOR
I LIVE AT HOME I MADE UP THE LIE JUST BECAUSE I WANTED PEOPLE TO LIKE ME EVRYONE IS FRIENDLY BUT NO ONE EVR INVITES ME TO GO OUT SO I FEL THE NEED TO LIE ABOUT THINGS I DO AND PLACES I’VE BEEN IM SO DUMB FOR DOING THAT NOW I HAVE TO KEEP UP WITH THE LIES I FEEL SO ALONE AND FOOLISH I LIOVE IN THIS MADE UP WORLD A WORLD OF LIES I NEED HELP MAYBE I SHOULD JUST COME CLEAN !!!
OR MAYBE JUST KEEP QUIET & KEEP THE LIES GOING I’M A LIAR

I do dumb things and don’t know why

I’m writing this under “weird” maybe because that’s how I feel? But I also wonder, are the things I do and think, really weird in the end? Or do other people just lie about not having the same thoughts.

I spend lots of time alone, because of where I live mostly and with the cost of gas, I don’t drive into town unless it’s to work or something I have to do.

When I’m alone, my thoughts wander. I’m between boyfriends, had nothing but bad relationships in the past, jerks that want to own my every move. That’s not what I’m here to write about though. I want some feedback on normalcy…?

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