Planned pregnancy and feels like a huge mistake

I don’t know even how to feel right now. My husband and I decided at the beginning of the year to start a family. Every month I would take a test and be disappointed that it was negative. Hubby and I had a great talk this past weekend about our expectations of having a child and were thrilled we were on the same page. He left a couple of days ago for a two week trip and for some reason I decided to test and it came back positive. I’m pregnant! I was in disbelief and so I bought a bunch of tests that I took at random times and it is confirmed by a digital this evening. Now I am terrified and sad and wish my husband was still home for me to tell him, and now I have to wait two weeks because I don’t want to tell him over the phone or email or text or anything else. I also don’t want to tell any friends or family, because shouldn’t my husband know first? I can’t stop crying. How can something that I was planning for (set up a baby fund, gone over the budget, started stocking up on wipes, even painted and spruced up the room for the would be baby, talked about it with husband constantly, read every online forum and article I could find, went to the Dr. to discuss health risks, have religiously taken prenatal vitamins), how can I have done all that and now, that is real and here I just want to take it all back??? I wish I wasn’t alone and I wish I felt happy and excited instead of depressed and anxious. I feel guilty already that I am not overjoyed. It didn’t take as long as we thought it would and I guess I thought I would have more time to emotionally and mentally prepare, but nope. I am pregnant. Of course, now if I lose the baby for some reason I will be horrified and heartbroken and like I brought it on by all my negative thoughts.

What is wrong with me? I’m not a teenager or in financial ruin or in a bad relationship. I’m a 30 something woman in a healthy, loving marriage with a solid income, a home with plenty of room to grow and caring, supporting family and friends. Why do I feel so blindsided by this and why am I so terrified of the consequences of this? I really wish my dear husband was home. I think I might not feel quite this way if I had him going through this with me, sharing in my disbelief and feeling overwhelmed. Instead, I will get to sit on it for two weeks before I can tell him, unless I break down and tell him over the phone. I just really don’t want to tell him like that.

I feel better typing it out. If anyone responds, please don’t be cruel or judgmental. No matter how whinny and immature this post sounds, My husband and I really put a lot of thought and consideration into having a child. I did not go into this blindly, I am just so taken aback regarding my reaction to the news. I never thought I would feel this way about my first pregnancy. I never thought I would be typing about the utter regret when I read “pregnant” on the test. I really hope this is a short lived emotional phase.

It Hurts

We got married when I was 19 and he was 17. We both have no parents, no guidance, no love. I was in college, lost and drowning in the scene. He was back in our hometown, going in a different direction. We met like young people do and we fell in love. This is what sustained us in the beginning, our love and infatuation with one another. 6 years later our love has turned into a ball and chain that we use to abuse each other with, hurling it violently back and forth until the love is bruised beyond recognition and turns to hate. The hate makes us spit venomous words at each other in front of the baby. He uses her, he uses me, while i try to maintain my sanity. God help us please.

just hurts so bad

A guy I have loved a very long time has recently been diagonised with MS.I cry most nights , it just hurts so bAd ..I still can’t believe it. I like being alone at home so that I could just scream and cry to make myself feel better a bit.

I Want to Leave My Family

I secretly yearn to get in the car, and drive away. To anywhere. I don’t care. Just as long as it’s far away from here. I love my kids, but I do NOT love being a mom. My marriage is nearly sex-less. I feel unloved. I don’t have anybody to talk to or care for me. I feel alone. I am sad, and I want out. I can’t leave because I’m not financially able. I can’t leave because of family obligations. I can’t leave because I can’t face the humiliation, of being wrong, of everybody else being right. I want to leave, but I can’t. I just want to start over fresh, without looking back.

jealous

My best friend is the sweetest and most sincere person I have ever met. She is intelligent and witty beyond belief. And I’ve told her I’m jealous…not in a nasty way just a, “I wish I had your mind”. But now I feel like crying cause the guy I’ve liked who she was has never met likes her just based on her personality off twitter. And I don’t blame him…But I’m devastated and feel like crying.

Slacker

I was born brilliant and was always the best in my class with no effort growing up. Now I’m in college trying to get an engineering degree. I know how to study but can’t seem to motivate myself to unless it’s the day before an important test. I think I failed the statistics class this semester. When I was in high school I took Calc 1 through 3 and got A’s. Now I can’t even pass a ****** statistics class. What happened? I don’t do drugs and barely drink. I’ve been in college for 2 years and have a 2.2 GPA and was on academic probation last semester. I know I’m smarter than all my friends who have GPAs over 3.0 but for some reason I can’t will myself to study or go to class when I need to. It’s looking like it will take me 5-6 years to graduate do to all the classes I have to retake and I’m worried that even when I do graduate no one will hire me do to my piss-poor grades. I love math and physics and building things, why is getting an engineering degree so hard for me?

Single for life

I’m 24 and have never had a boyfriend.

I’m Done

My parents divorced last summer. All my dad cares about is money, and all my mom wants to do is get rid of me so she can go date someone. I’m just baggage from a marriage neither of them wanted.
I’ve lost approximately nine friends because I lashed out about how I felt. My friend since preschool abandoned me for some other girl, and since he’s gay, he gets uncomfortable when I just hug him.

I want to die. I’m done living alone like this.

Filthy Despair

I feel like a filthy whore. I can’t help but flirt with nearly every person I meet, man or woman even if they are 30 years older than me (i’m 20). I lost track of how many people I have had sex with. I think it’s around 60. I can’t help leading people on. my ex is obsessed with me but I don’t have the heart to tell him that I won’t be with him again. I am so scared that the people I have had sex with know each other and talk about it. I wish I could control myself. I can’t bring myself to tell my psychiatrist about this. I don’t trust anyone. I don’t know how I don’t have an std or how I’m not pregnant. I wish I could find a man I could tell about my sexual history without being scared of him freaking and thinking I am disgusting. I don’t know if I have ever had an orgasm. I lost my virginity the first time I got drunk to a guy i met that same night. I don’t feel worthy of love. people tell me I am beautiful but all I see is the sick, twisted things in my mind. The emptiness never stops growing inside me.

Im Gay

I’m openly gay at my school, and while I have a close group of extremely supportive friends, they are all girls. Guys just don’t talk to me at my school anymore and that makes me really sad. I hope I’m not making them uncomfortable, I just want to fit in, but I’m not going to change the way I am. Sometimes I feel like its my fault.

Alone. Used. Ruined.

I am a nearly 34 y/o professional in the healthcare field. Never married, no children. I have a history of difficult relationships with men that continue to see other women on the side, or have had undisclosed girlfriends. This time, after dating an educated, intelligent, single man for the past 4 monthes, he has not only shared a permanent gift of hsv2 with me, but today I happened to stumble across emails and pictures sent to other women looking to meet up with them. I don’t understand it!!! Why do I only attract men with these behavoirs? And why am I so damn trusting? Now I am ruined for anyone else. Who will want me? My long time dream of being a wife and mother have gone from fading to unrealistic in a very short time. I’m absolutly heartbroken.

I barely feel human…

Hi. My name’s Sparky for the purpose of anonimity but for that feeling of conectedness as well. Please bear with my story and if you can just comment a suggestion or even a friendly word would be nice.

I’m a 17 year old boy and I’ve never had a friend. That’s right. Not one, my whole life. My parents throughout my whole childhood kept trying to make friends for me but I soon realised it was a hopeless effort on their part. They gave up eventually too.
I was diagnosed with aspergers syndrome when I was 3. My parents didn’t tell me til I was 13. I was mercilessly bullied in secondary school and eventually developed multiple personality disorders as a result.
I feel totally unlikeable and I have been on my own all my life. I just want someone to tell me they care, to include me in something, to talk to me.

I’ve reached a point where I can no longer muster the courage to talk to people my own age, and I’m too shy to even stand up for myself. I feel so worthless right now.
I wait every day hoping someone will come and say hello.

I barely feel human. Just needed to get this out of my system. If anyone reads this, then thankyou for your time and the fact that you care enough to read this.