Why my marriage is ending.
Posted by Joshua in Love on Aug 21st, 2010 | 4 commentsI believe the barest, simplest answer I can give for my marriage coming to and end is unmet want and need. Someone opened my eyes to what I wanted and that vision wasn’t well enough aligned with who I am or what I have for me to be at peace. I was agitated, hungry and desirous. I allowed the want to eat at me. I fell in love with the woman that planted the seed of want within me.
I don’t know that I will ever be able to adequately explain myself to anyone who questions me about my decision to allow my marriage to dissolve. All I can say is maybe I know how I allowed this to come into my life. Boredom will leave doors open. Not understanding emotional boundaries and disregarding warnings allowed a relationship with another woman to flourish. Finding an emotional connection to her that surpasses all that have come before put something deep in my heart. Knowing that this deep emotional connection had been missing from my life lead me to pursue it. That woman has turned me away, for the time being at least, but the desire remains. My wife asked me what I would do if she won’t have me and the only answer is to keep looking. To keep looking for that emotional connection. The trouble is she’s probably the only one that my heart, mind and soul would accept completely.
4 Responses to “ “Why my marriage is ending.”
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“falling in love is just amplified egoic wanting.”
-eckhart tolle
Marriage, after the falling in love part, can get boring. You will need to work at it, no matter what. Falling in love is dramatic, intense. If you are the type to crave intensity, you will struggle with sustaining a relationship once the intensity is gone.
Whatever you don’t work through in this marriage will come up again in other relationships (in different forms).
I am not the type to crave intensity. I’ve been married 16 years and 15 of those were good. One issue in my marriage is communication. It’s a barrier I keep coming up against.
I just want to say that this was beautifully put, well spoken… I actually read it twice….
now on the other hand, I was the wife of this kind of situation, watching him drift further and further away, watching him crave her, watching her tease him, it killed me, angered me, that my bestfriend, my husband, whom I gave anything to, did anything for, wanted her, a cocktease, and thats what she was, she waited for him, baited him, looked at me with that evil grin of “ha look what I can do” he finally left me, and played the field, well, I think he thought that I’d wait for him, I did for awhile, we still slept together, I still hung on for dear life that my husband would come back, my family would be ok, but, one too many times I was pushed away and one day I realized that I had the power NOT him, I was worth MORE then HIM! so, along comes this amazingly strong, kind, gentle, man who swept me off my feet, almost 6 years later, WHO”S LAUGHIN NOW! now HE”S the one struggling…. NOT ME! so there you go, what comes around DOES come around, it just takes time… be patient…. wait for it….. and then just smile and wave!
Girl-
I agree with your response. I also listen to and read Eckhart Tolle. Assuming you are good with yourself and not expecting your partner to fill some lack within yourself, does that mean that any partner will do? What if you become more enlightened after marriage and realize your partner just isn’t growing with you or is in a different place then you? Many decide they want a spiritual partner and not just a partnership based on the ideas of conventional marriage.
I guess the choice becomes do you sacrifice personal growth for a commitment you made prior to another level of awareness?