The ‘In love with my best friend’ thing

I am gay and disabled and I have been in love with my best friend (he\’s not gay)since we were 14, I was in love with him before I knew it, he knew how I felt, I told him. His reaction? Nothing! At the time I wished he had hit me, that at least would have been a reaction. Months later he said quietly “Are you still in love with me?”, I said “What?” then he said “Oh I was just talking to myself.”. But I told him that I would always love him. Nothing. Afterwards we had an intense, undefinable, nonsexual relationship for many years, the \’in love\’ thing was not mentioned again. He hid me away from his family.
After years I broke up with him because I thought it was the best thing to do… for him. The worst mistake of my life! I broke my own heart! I thought I would get over it but I never have. It\’s like something in me stopped working or like, without him, I turned to ice! I didn\’t expect to feel like that.

He got married but is divorced now.
My feelings for him have never changed. I miss him so much!

A few weeks ago, out of the blue, he contacted me and said he wanted to see me but now he\’s putting it off.
After all these years I STILL love him!

I want him back in my life! Just as a friend, I don\’t care! I just want him back!