stupid crying

I saw you tonight for the first time in 3 months. You my ex-fiance, my first love. We were at a mutual friends birthday party. You are still as handsome as you have always been. We’ve only been broken up for 6 months.I left you. I left because I knew you stopped loving me. I just couldn’t be in a relationship with you if you didn’t love me anymore. It nearly Killed me leaving you. It was so hard.

We were together for 1 year and 9 months. We were going to get married this past May on our 2nd anniversary. When our anniversary rolled around, I hurt so bad. I wanted to be your wife,your soulmate. I remember when we used to say that we were each other soulmates.

I know you loved me before,because I noticed when it was slipping away. I could literally feel the difference. I tried so hard to keep you,to have you love me again. Why did you stop loving me? You promised me forever. You even wanted to have children with me before. What did I do to make you stop loving me? You were such a good man, and still are. You don’t cheat, you don’t abuse people, you are a generally nice guy.

I remember crying my eyes out on my hands and knees begging you to never leave me. Even though in the end, it was I who left. Then after a couple months, I find out you like my best friend. Why was she better than me? I gave you everything.She doesn’t even want you in that way. How can you have a crush on her? Wasn’t I good enough for you? Did I have too many problems? It felt like a jagged knife was shoved in my heart and twisted when I learned you wanted her. COuld you ahve not chosen anyone else besides her. It honestly wouldn’t of hurt as much.

I was with you for almost 2 years… I pined after you for 2 years before that. I always wanted you; heart,body,and soul. I gave all of that to you. We were more than lovers. You were my best friend. You know Everything about me, more than Anyone. That is still true.

I doubt I am still in love with you anymore, but I will always love you. Always love you and have you in my heart. My first love was a very good man..but I guess I wasn’t good enough for him. I was also his first love and first lover.

I just want real love again. I’m so afraid though. To give everything once again…and then the same thing happens.