Secret Confessions

5 years ago , i remember. i was addicted to this online game . i go to this cybercafe EVERYDAY just to play that damn game . so… i saw you online. seeing that you have a lady username . i decided to talk to you and make friends .

we talked and talked. like good friends , although we only knew each other for less than a day.Before i log out , i just said “hey , i love you” . she said “thats what all guys says….” .

i went home and think , if what i said was correct . i mean , its less than a day , and i actually told someone that i love her? what?

so , for the next 2-3 weeks . we talked even more . getting closer to each other . like lovebirds already. she gave me her phone number , we’ll always talk on phone and stuff. we’ll send each other love messages to our cellphones and stuff.

soon after those love sessions we have , i get to know this another girl . shes hot and stuff. so , i start ignoring HER , going for that hot girl and stuff. before i know , shes already deeply in love with me . i was young . i have NO understanding about human relationships . all i want is to have fun .

so… that hot girl actually still love her ex-boyfriend . meaning i got played out . FINE , thinking back again . SHE was the one for me . she loved me with her heart . not caring who i am and stuff . so i asked her , if i still have a chance to “be together” with her . and yes , she gave me a chance. well , we’re back in those days again . happily ever after. UNTIL i found this yet another girl.

i was that foolish to give her up for this another girl . and the same thing happens again . i got played out again . and i decide to find her back again. well . this time , she says something like . “i still love you alot , but i will forget you one day” . being a extreme newbie on relationships in the past , i didnt know the seriousness of that message . well . i still can remember what she told me on my birthday . when we was chatting on msn . she told me “its very hard loving you , (my name)” . at that moment , i felt really painful in my heart. how i wish i can get another chance back again . but sadly , she has already given up on me , although she still love me alot .

time past…. we didnt really talk to each other much another . 6 months later . i gave her my cellphone number . so she messaged me , saying that its someone that cares for me . i know its her because i somehow remembered her cellphone number. i tell her , i wanna see you . can we PLEASE meet up? she says , no , i dont meet strangers . its alil painful in my heart but yes , we are strangers . so i started messaging to her everyday . giving her sweet good night messages . hoping that one day she might give me another chance or something . soon , she told me that she have a boyfriend already but i know that shes just trying to forget me , and making me forget her .but i was shattered , i didnt know what to do . all i can think is how stupid i am in the past to actually let her go .

another year pass . i still cant forget her . its really a pain to actually think of her everynight , and actually cry. time goes on , i’ve to actually think of an “excuse” to talk to her . and everytime , how i wish i have the courage to go “hey , i still love you…” but my balls shrink when the time comes.

yet another year passed . this time , i found out that she have a boyfriend , for real. so , i think that its finally time for me to actually forget and move on . i deleted her cell number and her msn contact from my list . and from that day onwards , we lost contacts till recently.

recently , i just couldnt take the agony and pain anymore . i asked my godsister , she says that i should just contact her again . AS A FRIEND this time. well , i sent an offline message , asking if she still remembers me . well , she still do . but i dont have the balls to talk to her . maybe after my exams . i will . this time , i’ll really try my best to get her back.

if your reading this . i just wanna tell you.

I LOVE YOU.