Please Help Me
Posted by Anonymous in Love on Jun 3rd, 2010 | 13 commentsI am in so much pain, words cannot describe my broken heart and shatterd soul.
I’m going to make this story short because i can’t stand the pain these memories bring me.
I’ve never had a proper family. I have a step father and step siblings and my birth mother. however, ironically, i get along with my step father the best in my “family”. My mum has never been there for me. She abandoned me and sent me to boarding school at a very young age and rarely showed any affection for me.
Although she constantly claims she loves me, she has done nothing but mess up my life beyond measure.
Over the years, i became really close to my step father. I preserve myself in every way to make sure i dont love anyone because i know if i did, i’d eventually get hurt. This outlook was created through a couple of really rough relationships where i was hurt, deeply.
Anyway, somehow, because i finaly had a male figure in my life, i learnt to love him. As a father, a friend and ever so slightly a partner. We both knew that was wrong so i am learning to abandon the inappropriate love.
However, my mother became seriously jealous of our relationship so decided to “leave for a month” to sort out our lives. In my opinion it was just a low trick to make my step father to miss her so he would go after her. And she succeeded after threatening a divorce which i knew she wasnt going to go through with it but my dad was scared to lose her. Therefore her little mind game works out just fine, he’d go after her and leave me.
As time went on, i began to love him more and more but noticed that he didnt really care about me the way i cared about him. I was and am constantly in pain.
I dont understand why he doesnt care about me. all i wanted was for him to care about me no matter how little. He is really attentive and all but i just dont feel love between us anymore. i love him like there is no tomorrow but the signals i’m getting back always generate an annoyance or something thats really forced. Like he doesnt want to spend time with me but he is pretending to.
So i confronted him and told him how i felt. It didnt turn out well at all. i was so scared that i was going to lose him. i became paranoid and upset all the time. When i confessed, he went absoloutely crazy and told me that i am “just a stupid little girl” and i should “wake up and smell the roses”. Oh and then he told me he couldnt deal with me anymore and no longer wants me or live with me.
Now i have nothing but pain and suffering. I dont know what to do. I wish i was a better person so maybe he’d love me.
I’m scared i’m going to do something stupid.
I’ve been suicidal before and now those feelings are back and even stronger.
I dont want to die but i feel like my death is the only solution to all of these problems.
My mother will be happier because she would have my step father all to herself.
My step father will be happier because he doesnt want me in his life anyway.
And i will be happier because i wont be suffering anymore…
I dont want to do this but maybe i have to…
13 Responses to “ “Please Help Me”
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It’s not because he doesn’t like you. You are a CHILD to him, whereas your mother is a woman he fell in love with. She will get jealous, as some unfortunate mothers do, of a succesfull daughter. ESPECIALLY if her daughter is treading on her ground. Don’t make it into a competition, because your mother’s going to win. He’s scared of losing her and getting into trouble. Probably hoping if he’s meaner to you you’ll lose your crush. It’ll hurt but if you really feel any positive feelings for him you’re going to have to move on and quick. The fact that he’s said he doesn’t want to live with you means he’s already getting too worried about it, nevermind letting it continue. You’ll find other loves, preferably one’s who don’t already have a partner. Someone who is good for you will not 1; cheat or 2; run away from you. :)
It sounds like you feel this way towards him because he’s been the only parent that you’ve been close to that has been loving and caring towards so you are very afraid to lose it. I can understand how scary that must be. Abandonment, especially when you’re young, causes a whole lot of confusion in your heart and mind. Human emotions can be complicated. Kids need love and attention and it sounds like you didn’t have a lot of that until your step-dad came around so you focused all your love on him. And since you were hurt when you tried to have other relationships, you put up a wall to protect yourself, which kept anyone from hurting you but it also kept anyone from loving you as well, which has made you even more dependent on your step-dad’s love.
I think you need to resolve the issues you’ve been through in order to get passed your heartbreak. You have been starved of love and in order to move on to healthy relationships, you must work through your hurt and abandonment issues so you are not so dependent on your stepfather, he cannot provide you with all the love you need. It is possible for someone as deeply hurt as you to love again, it is possible for you to find someone who is emotionally available and supportive and for you to be happy. Coming from someone who’s been through a lot, it is possible to find love and happiness if you work through the pain.
Find a counselor and a support group (there are womens/crisis centers that often offer them for free) Best of luck to you.
The thing that we need to focus on is that you are having suicidal thoughts. Right now, you are stuck in a bubble that you have created where you are very dependent on your stepfather. How old are you?
You first have to:
1.) Call call 1-800-273-TALK
http://www.suicidepreventionli.....gwod91mYVw
2.) Seek Counseling
2.) Move out
Darling, you have to be strong god has giving life to live. You see, there are kids in the hospital batlleling terminal illnesses that would love to have the opportunity to live..and I’m assuming that you have that. The fact of the matter is that your mom seems to be a jerk and your stepfather is far worst than her, for taking advantage of your vulnerability.
I completly agree with “Caring” None of this is your fault, and you should get some help, and remember God loves you. :) Good luck.
You need to stay strong and don’t do anything stupid. It’s a horrible situation you’re in and you shouldn’t have to be dealing with issues like this at your age.
I agree with all the comments above, particularly the one who left a number and said to seek counselling. I think this could really help. You have to keep busy and focus on other important things in your life, whatever they may be. In time, things will get easier – I know it might not seem this way not but it will. Stay strong xx
you live in a abusive situation. I would leave if you are over 18 or call the police if your under 18. A homeless shelter would be better then living with them. Remember God loves more then anyone ever. So you are loved :)
What are you talking about. Your an Idiot. Did you read this. The guy never touched her. She has a crush on him. He did the right thing. Wow.
thank you for all your support… but the thing is you see, when you love and care for someone, you fail to see the flaws of the situation.
I constantly feel like that it is me that is doing something wrong… i feel worthless and useless. doesnt help that i live with my “parents”
I’m aware that im stuck in my little bubble but i cant seem to find a way out…
but this is your step-FATHER? he’s married to your MOTHE if he had temporary lapse in judgment and decided to be with you, dot you know that would constitute as incest?? is that where you really want your life to go? cuz i’m guessing if it did, your life, your future and your psyche would REALLY be messed up!
do you have hopes, dreams and aspirations for your future…? (outside of bedding your stepfather?)
my best advice to you is to begin to better yourself, concentrate on what you want and how you can get there, widen your circle of friends and move out of your parents house. idk how old you are but if your over 20, you don’t belong there anyway, especially under the circumstances. get out and make your own life and begin seeing a therapist. good luck
I’m so sorry about your pain, and I’m sure that he still loves you, just not in a sexual way, he loves you as a child. I’m sure you will find someone out there who loves you for YOU. Suicide is not the answer. Meet some people, maybe make some new friends who will help you through this difficult time. You will find a man who loves you. Good luck sweetie, God bless you, and may you find true happiness. I hope my comment helped. :)
I appreciate you’re support and i know fully well suicide is not the answer… but i just cant seem to apply my logic to the matter…
i feel like i’m too far gone and i’m pretty much willing to throw away my so called future. its taken me all these years to gain a gllimpse of happiness and i dont want to let that go…
it’s not happiness, it’s sexual abuse and abuse of power by your (step) father. go get some help, none of this is okay
Can you tell me where you read that he abused her. Seems you can’t comprehend what you read. You idiots think everybodies a paedophile. The man hurt her feeling to try and end her crush. Now she does need help to understand father daughter relationships. She needs to stop having suicidal thoughts. She may need help in that capaccity. But you folks are always interjecting stuff thats not there.