Oh well…

By this point there isnt much I can do about it but be sorry.

When I was younger I was molested by a boy a couple years older than me. It only happened once because my dad walked in on it but never the less it impacted my life. My dad hadn’t realized what he saw… we eventually talked about it but thats not the point. I confess that I “molested” other boys. I didn’t use force but I did manipulate them into sexual acts. I was ashamed of it for a long time and now im not. I feel like I was just trying to figure out life. After I had been molested I was confused. I get it now. After I stopped forcing other guys into those situations I even started touching guys in their sleep when they spent the night at my house… pretty ****** up, I agree but that was all part of my path.

Eventually I started doing drugs because of the shame. I tried just about everything and let school slip away. Mescalin, Weed, Cocaine, Cigs, Vicodin, DXM, Mushrooms, LSD, Lots of drinking. After one of my good friends who I had just fooled around with at school committed suicide by overdosing on heroin I went to rehab. I blamed myself for his death for a while, I don’t anymore but I know I could have been a better friend.

In rehab I learned a lot about myself. Not enough though, about a year after getting out of rehab I lost my virginity with guys… two guys actually. They were a couple and I was sleeping with both of them. They treated me right and accepted me for who i was, they didnt judge and were good guys. I slept around for a bit until I moved back to my hometown to go to college and met a guy. He became my first boyfriend and I think I’m really falling for him. I havent cheated on him and I dont want to. He is amazing. Now that I have come to terms with my gayness, to a certain degree, I have started to tell my friends. They have all been awesome. I’ve thought about telling my parents but I havent decided to yet.

I almost told my sister… I had my boyfriend waiting at a restaurant but my sister decided she was too tired to go. I couldnt tell her why it was so important for her to come so we just ended up getting in a fight. I told her it was really important for her to come and she said she didnt care. We claim to be close but were not, hell she doesnt even know im gay!

I still have my fantasy about having a “real” family. If I ever find a woman who “excites” me again it will be a pretty easy choice but i have a feeling that will never happen. My boyfriend is amazing though, We have something I’ve never felt with a woman. If we can have kids one way or another then I am set. That’s what I want more than anything. Our relationship is something new and exciting and its lasting. Its been about 3 months and we have only grown closer and closer.