Love for my step-daughter.

I write this now as my feelings have become too strong to ignore or suppress. Do not mistake that I am somehow confused over my feelings only deeply saddened. I am tormented by them. I lie awake at night reliving small moments of time with her. I wake ridden with anxiety over the possibility of not seeing her. I linger over pictures of her for periods of time that seem infinite. I am lost and in pain. My adult step-daughter has become a young woman with striking beauty, gentle grace, intelligence and all of the things I desire in one I wish to spend my life with. My thoughts are consumed by her and I am helplessly captivated by her smile, her words, her smell…her. Even as I write this, tears overwhelm me. I long to hold her and kiss her as I would the love of my life, as I am sure she is. We share more together than I can honestly admit to sharing with anyone else. Simply having her close to me fills me with warmth and I honestly bask in her sweet and gentle nature. I watch over and protect her as a parent should but the selfishness of my love for her consumes me and blurs my role. There are flickers of a passionate love in return but I can’t bring myself to capture those moments. I recognize something different in her love for me; shy and nervous but a consuming knowledge that something else is between us. I hear in her words small hints of loneliness and longing. I see jealousy in her eyes when with her mother. I feel desperation in her hugs. Something about her manner towards me is destroying my sanity. I tread in dangerous waters as I admit to these feelings but I fear the thought of dying and never expressing my love or dancing with her again. I love her with all my heart and perhaps this forum will prove to be the only link to the feelings I have. Perhaps her search for her own answers will bring her to this passage.

120 thoughts on “Love for my step-daughter.

  1. I’ve been reading all of this to figure out how to deal with a step dad being attached to you (I’m pretty young). The only thing that I found here is good reasons why when I have children I should become a lesbian or just never date a guy again. >.> shiiiiiiit

  2. Don’t worry that girl. Statistically the ratio of this happening is relatively low. Don’t become a man hater because of a few bad apples.

  3. I married my step daughters mother when sd was 23 and married. Over time and with great determination I have fought the urge to flirt back with her when she flirts with me. Now that she is in her mid 30’s she has moved back in with her mother and I. Mother and I have not had an intimate relationship in almost 5 yrs, the flirting now is getting harder to ignore, she is a very sexy woman and she will flirt with me every chance she gets, even to the point of walking out of her room when I am getting ready for work in a robe that is partially open and I can see she has nothing on under neath it. I am really fighting the urge to take her up on what she is offering, it would sure be nice to hold a woman in my arms again and have real sex instead of masterbation all the time. what should I do????

    1. I wish I were able to be in that situation. Mine will never love me in that way. You should talk to her see what she truly wants. And if you want it too then talk to her mother let her know what kind of hell it is to love some one you know you should not love and that you don’t fall in love with some one on purpose that you didn’t ask for it but that it is real and you should not live miserable your sole life to spare the feelings of her mom.

  4. You are sick and in need of counseling. Your thoughts and behavior are completely inappropriate, and this is a traitorous route you are comtemplating. Of COURSE a young girl is beautiful, and now when she is a beautiful woman, you can’t control yourself? Get over it, get to a doctor, get help before you ruin your life and the life of others.

  5. She is not flirting nor was she ever flirting. It is a product of your imagination. The young woman is merely comfortable and trusts you. You should seek therapy or counseling. Ok….please do yourself a favor before you ruin your life and everyone regards you as a freak or weirdo…you’ve already opened your self up to the above two posters…just go get help.

  6. Dear step Dad..don’t ruin your life. The girl is not flirting with you. She is merely comfortable around do not creep her out with advances. I suggest therapy. You …need it.

  7. To all of the negative people out there. My SD is the wonderful and beautiful women. My SD and I get along better with each other then we do with our spouses. We plan our weekends so we can fit in time to see each other. We flirt with each other, hold hands, walk arm and are when we are alone. I love that woman. One day while we were giving each other a hug goodbye, the words slipped out. “You’re perfect and I love you”. She pulled back a bit, and told me that she loved me too. You could not imagine the relief that came over me when she gave me a kiss. We never took it any further than that but all of the pressure is off. We now know that we love each other, we pop each other on the butt, when we pass by and our hugs hello and goodbye mean a little more. I must say that it is so nice to hear I love you and get a kiss from her when we see each other!!!!!!!

    1. I wish it were that way for me. I envy you. I love my girlfriends daughter so much. She is closer to my age than her mother is. She is in her 20s I in my 30s I get to spend time with her but she will never feel the same way for me. She says I love you as a daughter would her father. It melts my heart but I know it’s not the same. You are lucky that you can be satisfied with the way it works for you two. I wish I could kiss the one I love just once.

  8. This is hardly unusual. Stepparents are not biologically related to their stepchildren so there is no incest taboo.

    As long as you don’t act on your attraction, you will be fine.

  9. I have posted about the same problem. People may not understand the pain this causes. They also may not understand that you don’t fall in love on purpose. In not married to the the mother of my “step daughter” I didn’t help raise her from a child I met her after she was grown up. She absolutely does flirt with me but only in joking she will never feel the same as I do. I hate myself for these feelings I know it is a betrayal of her love and her mother’s love for me. I hate myself with more contempt than I have ever felt for any one. I don’t kill myself only for the son my girlfriend and I have together. I love her mother too and the stress and soul destroying pain this causes is something no one can understand just from reading a post. I feel sorry for this man because I know how it feels. It is the lowest place to be. I know the internet will judge but some of you may undrstand this isn’t some predatory thing. These feelings trap you in a living hell. You don’t ask for this you don’t want this you don’t seem for it to happen. And there is nothing you can do and no one you can talk to. To have feelings you know you will never get to express and to want something so bad that you know you shouldn’t want. Its easy to judge if you’ve never felt it. But I doubt this guy blames you he probably beats himself up more than you ever could I know I do it to myself.

    1. I agree with the statement that we don’t choose who we love, it chooses us. I too have fallen in love with my adult step daughter and struggle with the feelings everyday. Love is the strongest of all emotions and we are powerless to control who we feel love for, but we are in control of what we do with that love. I am no longer with my stepdaughters mother so I don’t feel the guilt that another might feel but I clearly recognize that any attempt to convey my feelings will only cause grief and contention all around, that is the control over what we do that I mentioned before. I choose to harbor these feelings in silence than to cause anyone pain, loving my stepdaughter means respecting her and, though long divorced from her mother, I do not wish to hurt my ex-wife as well. I empathize with the men that have found themselves in this predicament. It is not illegal to love another adult, although it might be considered poor judgement to attempt to do anything about it, nor does it require therapy or is it ‘sick’ as long as the stepdaughter is not a minor or it hasn’t become an uncomfortable obsession, which mine is not. I am in control of my actions on those occasions where I find myself around her, and I would never dis-respect her by making her feel uncomfortable or offended around me. Don’t label us or condemn us, we have hearts that feel just like anyone else, I didn’t ask for this nor did she ask to be the object of my affection. My feelings are genuine and I know I will suffer in silence, no more or less than falling for a married friend or a co-worker who does not return the feelings, I am not a stalker, I do not have a shrine to her secreted away someplace. I fell in love, its that simple, but unlike most, I am not able to tell her, so I don’t and never will.

  10. Dude, seriously, you need to get out! You`re delusional if you think that scenario is gonna work. Its all fantasy. Think that ***** is finer than her mothers, well its not. Reads like you`re obsessed and you`re talking yourself into thinking it`s okay to have relations with this woman when in reality you will be full of guilt and shame. Not worth it! Relish the fantasy and bone the mother like you`ve never boned her before, and stay away from your step daughter, she will only **** up your life, not make it better.

  11. so perhaps those who have condemned this man should avoid any sign of support for someone who acts upon these emotions….Woody Allen. Hypocrisy is the worst. I am not saying he is right or wrong for being attracted to a woman not of his blood. Just be consistent in your condemnation.

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