It’s not you, it’s me… Or is it?

I found out that you were cheating on me, with multiple women. From early on in my pregnancy up until a month after our daughter was born.
I confronted you about it. We talked it out and I guess it’s better. You told me that, because of your past experience with women cheating on you, you push people away as soon as you get close. I do the same thing.
What you don’t know, is that I am continuing to push you away, because I’m still in pain.
I won’t break up with you because I’m sure no one else would want me.
I went to meet a guy today. We were supposed to meet at 3. 4:30 rolled around, and he still hadn’t shown up. Whether this was intentional or not, I’m still not sure.
If I break up with you, I know I’ll come running back. I always do.
Every day, people are showing me that I’m not good enough. You joined the club.
I’ve returned to cutting and I’m a matter of days away from binging and purging again.
I can’t talk to you, either because the words lodge in my throat, or because you won’t listen. I’ve written letters to you, explaining how I feel. The apologies last for a day, and then you hate me again.
Why do I always fall in love with guys who will never feel the same?