I’m Not A Number

I’ve seen it coming for a long time: I have fallen in love with someone “too old for me”. Not the creepy kind of age difference, but a senior dating a freshman would be “weird”. To make matters worse, he’s my best friend’s ex-boyfriend. (I’m partially responsible for their breakup; the first time I called him on my own was to apologize. My friend was secretly hanging out with her ex. He guessed, I confirmed.)

My parents can’t stand it. They say that I should be hanging out with “people my age”. They complain over and over that I don’t have “friends” my age. I’ve tried, Mom and Dad, to make friends my age. It doesn’t work.

My friends can’t stand it either. My best friend from a long time says she “couldn’t see it working between us”. My other friend (his ex) says she doesn’t care if I’m friends with him, but when she found out that we talk almost every day, she seemed a little more than shocked.

My only connection to see him in person, since my parents won’t let me go by myself, would be through his ex. He doesn’t want to be around her. I have no idea when the next time I see his face is going to be, and it hurts.

What’s worse is that by the time I’m eighteen, when I can date whoever I want, he’ll be enlisted in the army. He’ll be there for six years, possibly more. Then I’m really screwed.

He doesn’t know that I like him, and I don’t know if he likes me. I’m afraid that I’ll creep him out. He says that I’m easy to talk to, I never get on his nerves with my constant phone calls, and we can talk for hours and hours about anything and nothing: classic cartoons, life, Tim Burton, and the fact that my cat is morbidly obese. He’s also way overprotective of me and gets really mad when he thinks I’m not being treated right.

I love him, I love him, I love him.

But I don’t know if I can.

2 thoughts on “I’m Not A Number

  1. yeah, im in the same boat-ish. except im in a long distance relationship, the age thing is the same.

    a couple of years difference doesn’t hurt anyone. yes some people will say that ” it wont last” or ” your not in love”.

    just shrug off those comments. You never know if something will work or not until you give it a try. Have they tried it?

    You can do it! you can, you just gotta sort through the stuff life will throw at you.

  2. Awesome, I know exactly how you feel. The only difference is that you have the capability to visit him, I however have to deal with our long distance relationship.

    In the beginning, I wasn’t sure how I felt. (And if it helps I am turning 18 in a few weeks.) Feelings were confusing, I had someone I could talk to about anything… and it was that way for a long while. We helped eachother through everything that we’d gone through, even when I had broken up with my ex.

    At first, nobody knew much about him, and because of his age and the circumstance of him helping me get over my ex, he and I were constantly slandered by my friends (who are also my ex’s friends). As time went by, he’d confessed that he’d fallen for me. To me, that was a shock, and I wasn’t sure how people would handle it.

    So one day when the breakup blew over, I told my father about my long distance relationship (and of course he’d need an explaination sooner or later as the phone bills were pricey)… and he was okay with it. That was a huge relief off me, and I started to tell more relatives and friends how amazing he is and how he’s so good to me, and they were all okay with it too. I’m so glad now that I had gotten the courage to stand up for the person I love.

    What people need to realize is that today, age isn’t really a factor anymore, and hopefully when the time rolls around, everyone will be as accepting to you as they were to me eventually. Even the people that had talked badly without even knowing him had realized they were being foolish. It’s just a matter of time really.

    You can do anything you put your mind to, and if you want him go for it, or else he’ll never know how you feel.

    Good luck to you :)

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