I wish I could make you care…

I’m having your baby in a few months, and even though you say you love me and want to be there, your actions don’t show it.

Things were so perfect last year, but then you just got distant. You lie about things, I have proof that you’re lying, yet you deny it even in the face of pictures, confessions from the other people, etc. I drop it because it’s pointless to continue arguing when you just deny.

You’ve been gone for a month, yet now that we can talk again you don’t call and rarely text, I feel like an afterthought. You don’t say I love you or I miss you unless I say it first. I keep trying though, because I’m scared that if I stop you’ll just forget about me completely. If I say anything, you say I’m overreacting and that of course you love me. When we’re together everything feels fine, but as soon as you leave again, it feels like I’m out of sight out of mind.

You’re coming back soon, and the baby will be born. I wish I could just know how things are going to go, wish I could feel secure in the future. I worry sometimes that I’m just being paranoid, but then when I ask others they say that I have every reason to feel how I do, that I’m not imagining things. Even though you tell me that I am.

I just want to be one of those people who are in amazing relationships, I want our baby to have a mommy and a daddy. I know that our situation isn’t ideal, and I’m tired of lectures, what’s done is done and I just needed to get my feelings out.