I love her but something is missing

I am madly in love with a woman, we are in our 40’s and she feels the same about me. But my problem is with her in the sexual department. She is not very sexual at all and gets all freaked out over everything. I am very very sexual and it is killing me. She does not like to talk about it at all, she gets embarrassed. We are 40 years old for crying out loud. I am starting to find myself looking at other woman. I am not asking her for wild crazy things, just a little umph in the bedroom.

9 thoughts on “I love her but something is missing

  1. To be honest its probably a case of (yes the old Cliche’) Low Self Esteem! If a woman/man doesn’t feel good about their body/life etc how can they drift away into having complete mind blowing sex?? I have this problem atm, after gaining weight after having my baby, and I miss my old sex drive…That is quite possibly your answer???

  2. Most normal women seem to lose interest in sex in a normal, heterosexual relationship. I’m not an expert, but based on many long-term couples I personally know, even in their twenties the sexual frequency decreases.

    It’s not necessarily lack of romance, or a problem with your technique. We all enjoy excitement, and change can be invigorating, no matter how minor or major.

    Inject a little excitement and spontaneity outside the bedroom, and maybe she’ll surprise you with some behind closed doors. No one likes change or unpredictability, so be gentle, but it may just be what you need to rekindle the passion

  3. Anonymous, I am going thru the same thing with my boyfriend. I’m a very sexual person and he’s not very sexual at all. I love him and I can’t leave him but I can’t live like this and I’ve started having a strictly sexual affair (no dates, no sleepovers, no one knows about it). Now I feel like a terrible person because I don’t want to leave my man and I can’t “just go without” sex. I’m not a terrible person. Maybe a coward but I’m not a bad person and neither are you. I just wanted you to know that you’re not alone.

  4. She may have had a very bad experience in the past – I know this because this is what I’ve been through and I’m terrified at the thought of having sex with anyone again. I’m also deeply ashamed of my lack of sexual experience and sexually, I feel like damaged goods. Whatever you do, don’t dismiss her feelings. Let her approach sex on her terms, not yours.

  5. Maybe there’s a reason for her reluctance. It could be related to trust, or maybe she has been abused in the past. You could see a sex counsellor to help you both out. You need communication here… if she’s stand-offish, or reserved, you really really have to listen to her worries and needs to respond to them in a way she will enjoy. Too, you need to communicate that sex is a manner in which you express yourself emotionally and you want to have that in your life.

    Sex counsellor. Definitely. And you never know – I know a girl who is asexual, and recognises that in a relationship she might be with a man who is very sexual, and she would allow him to sleep with other women so that he would be satisfied. This might be something your woman would be fine with, although it would have to be something you brought up in the context of a counselling session, because she may not take it well.

  6. Does she have body issues? I’m 28 and understand what blocks women sexually. In fact, I’ve been reading up on the topic and suggest you google “mindful meditation and sexuality in women”. It offers an explanation on the sexuality of women. There’s also an EFT program from David Childerly. He is a very nice man who offers a lot of help through emotional freedom techniques. Try visiting his website: mygenie.com and searching for “women’s orgasms” in the dvd section. Before you pass judgement on anything you see or read on the topic, understand that any number of these methods could hold the therapeutic release she is looking for. Remember: for men, sex is physical. For women is it almost completely mental.

  7. I say tell her. I mean, Sexuality is a big part of a relationship. If you aren’t getting what you need then let her know. If she can’t give you what you need then unfortunately, it doesn’t look like this relationship will work. It doesn’t mean either of you are bad people, it just means you aren’t completely compatible as a couple.

  8. it sounds as if your lady might have issues with having been sexually abused or assaulted earlier in her life and she therefore does not feel that sexual or feels a great need to control the amount of sex she has. If this is the case, suggest that she get therapy and that you both get into couples counseling to work out the issues. Only you know how long more you can invest in this. A couple of other optios are for you to move on or agree on an open relationship where you see other women for your sexual needs only. Good luck.

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