Secret Confessions

I’ve been a soldier for 6 years now. I’ve been to this place 4 times now. I’ve seen things that would keep most of you awake for the rest of your life. In all of the time I’ve spent here I only wanted my wife to love me, but as soon as I left the first time she started to party and see other people. She even moved to another state and didn’t tell me. When I came home she didn’t want anything to do with me. When I could get home she would leave. She didn’t even want to talk to me. The next time I deployed she didnt’ even write me letters and she continued to party. When I got home she didn’t stop this time. She would go out and sometimes not come home. She would come home drunk and demand sex. She was voilent and was always getting phone calls and texts from other men. I just kept on trying to love her because I thought that’s what I was supposed to do. Even though it hurt, even though I didn’t want to go home I stayed there. We fight over everything and she’s so untrusting of me. If I dont call every day she sends people to see what I’m doing. I hate her. It took so long to realize that I did but she’s ruined my brain.
Skip to now, I met someone eles. She’s 5 years younger than me but she’s so much woman. She’s beautiful. She’s more beautiful than the mountains, more beautiful than the sunset or sunrise. She’s more beautiful than anything god has ever put on this earth. She’s the most pure and real person I’ve ever met. I love her. When I say it I actually feel something inside. When she says it to me it’s like magic. Someone here told my wife about it. She went crazy and told me she would take our son away and I’d never see him again. I can’t let her do that because non of this is his fault. We tried to stop seeing each other but as it didn’t work. It’s too strong. Well it was until the rumors around here started. See I’m her superior, we can’t see each other for so many reasons…once the rumors started it was annoying…but then they started to hurt her feelings and she started to get angry..she took it out on me. She doesn’t want to see me anymore. She was gone for awile on another mission..we talked on email and messenger, but then she stopped. Now she’s back and she’s cold shouldered me every time I’ve tried to even say hello. I love her so much. I thought I could keep this all down but I can’t. I can’t even come close. We went to pick her up and bring her back to our platoon..as soon as I laid eyes on her it all came back up. My wife, she forces me to stay and play house. I hate this life. They say you might get lucky and find someone that you’re actually supposed to end up with. Someone that God wanted you to be with once in your life. Why did we meet so late? Why did I stay with my wife? Her name is Rebecca..the name even means lovley. She is everything to me and she doesn’t even want to talk to me. I reclassed into this job from an all male MOS. I thought I was so badass, but the second I met her she’s always been able to shut me down. Have you ever known anything that was so beautiful it could actually stop you in your tracks and make you forget what you were doing? I can’t even stand in the same room with her without my lips starting to tremble. I promised her after the last rumor that I wouldn’t come around her like before…but I thought that if two people loved each other they could find a way to talk…she wont even look at me anymore and I didn’t do a god damn thing to her except tell her that she’s beautiful and try to make her feel good every day of her life. Even when I was mad at her I could let it all go so easy. Maybe she didnt’ love me as much huh? I would have left my wife for her if she hadn’t found out and used our son against me. It would have been the first thing that i’ve ever done for me. I know that I made her feel horrible. We talked about all the places we would go together and things we wanted to do…and now none of it can happen. I just wish that wishing worked and she would find it in her hear to atleast smile at me. I hate my life.