I feel guilty for breaking a heart
Posted by anonymous in Love on Oct 14th, 2010 | 5 commentsAround this time last year I met a girl and began to go out with her a few times. I knew at the time it was just a casual thing for me, I wasn’t head over heels about her but I found her good company, attractive enough and I had a laugh with her. After we had met up a few times she started pushing me to start a relationship with her. At the time I reluctantly agreed as I wasn’t sure how long my heart would be in it, but decided to give it go.
From then until around January this year it was all going well. We were seeing eachother a few times a week and enjoying eachothers company. Although I don’t think I loved her I did like her alot, I knew she had strong feelings for me because she would tell me.
She started to put a lot of weight on around March, and as shallow as this sounds I just stopped fancying her. I’m not cruel enough to tell her I thought she was unnatractive because she’s very sensitive, but our sex life did suffer. In truth I was just waiting for the right time to finish it from then.
Then she got sick and found out she would need an operation around July time. She was very worried and would give me a lot of ear ache. I thought she had enough on her plate so I couldn’t possibly finish it then. I decided to stay with her to support her until after the operation. The problem was I was just treading water.
The operation came and went and I stuck with her until the end of last month when we finished. Since then she has been broken hearted, bombarding me with messages. Often some of them have been nasty accusing me of cheating, and saying I’ve stripped her of her confidence, and making up stories about how she has another man now. In the others she pours her heart saying how she loves me.
I’ve been upset since we split because I miss her but I don’t love her, but the overwhelming feeling is guilt. I feel so guilty that I didn’t end it sooner and cause her less pain. I’ve hurt someone I care about and it feels horrible.
5 Responses to “ “I feel guilty for breaking a heart”
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Guilt can really weigh on some people as it did with you. Never stay with someone out of guilt because you will end up hurting that person more as well as yourself. To give you an example, I know a guy who stayed with this woman he wasn’t crazy about out of guilt because she had miscarried their child. He continued with her because he felt he couldn’t leave her just yet because of the miscarriage and she ended up getting pregnant again and he moved in with her because he wanted to do the responsible thing. Then she got pregnant again and he is still with her for the kids. He looks miserable and I have never seen him hug her or be affectionate with her. He used to tell his friends that she was disgusting looking. Don’t sacrifice your life like that because you feel sorry for someone. It’s your life and we only have one chance to live this life we have. This lady is obviously furious over this breakup…she is trying to guilt trip you…keep your distance…don’t respond to her messages…let her be…try to move on with your life and tell yourself it was a painful learning experience. Most importantly, forgive yourself because we all make mistakes.
well you really shouldn’t've waited so long if you knew your heart wasn’t in it bc she continued falling for you but since you have ended it and that’s what you felt was best now you just need to let whatever she says slide right on past you. guilt can lead you back into relationships you know you sholdn’t be in. she’s hurt now but time does heal she’ll find someone who loves her as much as she loves them. and you will be happy that you didn’t ruin her chance of finding love by being involved when you know it’s not going anywhere
you should’ve listened to yourself from the beginning and should’ve never given her false hope. but in the end you were honest with her. she will deal with it eventually.
Yeah it depends how you finished with her too. If you finished with her in a nice way then she sounds very histrionic and will eventually get over it – don’t feel guilty. If you finished with in her in a horrid way, as in over phone or by text or something then I’m not surprised she’s as heartbroken as she is.
Next time you feel the need to break up with someone, go ahead and do it. There’s never a right time and all you’re doing is making it worse, especially if she was to knoew that you’d been planning it for months. Makes your whole relationship look like a farce to her.
As for the weight thing well, all I can say is there are far worse reasons to break up with someone Mr Perfect….!
Well, lesson learned. Now you know for next time, right? Next time, be up front from the beginning. If you need things to move slower, say so.
She sounds like she’s taking it hard. Yikes.