i dont know what to do

i care about the person i love very much and i think about her every night and day,and i think its wrong because im agirl too, and i keep harming myself with basicaly anything sharp i can find, my learning mentors tried to say i self harm and ive deniedit to him completly so im now abig fat liar! and i really want to tell my friend how i feel but im too scared of losing her as a friend and her hating me and maybe even wanting to kill me, i dont want to keep ,lying to her when she asks me ” why do you self harm “.
4 of my friends allready know how i feel about her and i dont think i can trust them to not tell her and if they figured it out for thwemselves how long will it take for her to figure it out? i dont want her to find out from anyone else ii thgink if she does ever find out she should hear it from me, but every time i try to tell her i cant find the words and the truth is its slowly killing me inside cause i cant resist punnishing myself and drawing blood its like a need or something!