I can still hear her voice…
Posted by The Ewan to her Nicole in Love on Mar 10th, 2011 | 8 commentsAround 6 years ago I was engaged and happy. I had just purchased a house and started a great job; everything was going very well for me. After a few months on the job I met a coworker I had heard great things about. She was great at her job and she was very easy to get along with. While working with her a few times we really hit it off as friends. We shared ideas and thoughts we enjoyed our company. After a while we started spending time together after work. I would lie to my finace about who I was spending time with, even though I was doing nothing wrong; no physical cheating was going on. My finace finally found out who I was spending time with and she accused me of cheating and kicked me out of my own place, so went to my friend to vent to, then it happened, i cheated on my fiance; no sex, but other things.
I made up with my fiance and we continued our realtionship for a few more months while i continually cheated on my fiance. Eventually i told her the truth and we broke up. After that I was fired from my job because my performance was lacking. I was deeply depressed about what I had done and i was extremely confused about who i was. I shut myself away from everyone I knew (my ex, my friend, my family) and I didn’t speak to anyone for months. While trying to forget everyone and everything I met someone else. She brought me out of my depression and I fell in love with her and we are now married. So many years have passed and while I love my wife a day doesn’t go by that I don’t think about my friend and how much I still love her. The feelings have been getting stronger though I haven’t seen or spoken to her all this time. I don’t know what’s making me feel this way, but it has come to the point where I don’t think I can be happy with my wife as long as I still remember my friend. I have urges to find her and talk to her, but I know it will only make my feelings for her stronger. I truly beleive that I love her and my wife both and I don’t know what to do!
8 Responses to “ “I can still hear her voice…”
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The grass is always greener on the other side. Let’s suppose that you left your wife and reunited with your friend, what if things didn’t work out? Would you miss your wife? Would you regret leaving your wife? Happiness comes from within. If you are not happy with yourself, you will never be happy with anyone else (including your friend).
Yes I consider that all of the time. When I split from my fiance it was a perfect time to connect more with my friend and start a relationship, but I was so upset over what I had done that all I wanted was to be back with my finace. It was nothing but regret and remorse and I know I would feel the same if I did it all again. The trouble is that I can’t stop thinking about her. I know this all would be so much easier if I could just somehow forget about her. I have thrown anyway anything that reminds me of her, but what’s hard is that music reminds me of her, even music we didn’t listen to together and I can’t just throw away all music.
I love my wife and I don’t want to leave here and that’s the difficult thing. It isn’t fair to my wife that I think about this other woman either. So one two things need to happen. 1) I leave my wife and see what happens or 2) Find a way to forget about my friend. And I don’t know how to do either.
Thank you.
Become a polygamist. It works for the Mormons.
I don’t know if you will actually read this, but if you do I hope that it will give a bit of solace. What. If. Two harmless words when you say them separately, but when you put the two together they can be a like a match to dry grass. When you start thinking of the what ifs, your brain starts spit balling from one thing to the next and almost convinces yourself that what you are experiencing is not right and that the grass is greener on the other side. You love your wife, you have said it in the paragraph above, so don’t worry about the other friend. Your wife was there for you at your darkest time and loved you even then, where was your friend??
I have been in the same shoes as you once. I am currently in a happy relationship with the same person for three years now. About a year ago, we hit a little bump in the road and I started to think of the what ifs. I almost broke it off with the person I am seeing just because of a what if notion, which I should inform you would be the worse mistake of my life. What stopped me was the fact that I had to step back and see what i would be losing if I had left the person I am currently seeing. When I did this I realized that the person I am currently seeing is everything I have wanted in a person, and they honestly love me for me. And I was just going to toss that all out the window because of a what if notion.
So, in short, what if thoughts are dangerous things and can lead you somewhere that you truly do not want to be. If you make a move be certain that it is not just because you were thinking ” what if “, and that you are truly unhappy with your wife.
I hope that this helps you.
- Trying
do you know how hurtful that is to your wife whether she tell you or not? you really need to figure out what you want to do either leave and see what happens with your “friend” or stay married you cant have both. dont put your wife through that just remember you may regret leaving your wife whose stayed with you after it all
Have you considered not fantasizing about your friend? It really is that simple you know… it’s a choice you can make.
i know this is going to sound crazy but maybe you should consider contacting your friend? by email or something like that to tell her how you feel. is it possible shell tell you shes moved way on and has no interest? then you have no choice but to force yourself to move on. or maybe youll find that youve built her up in your head to be something she isnt now or maybe never even was. and if thats not the case, if she tells you shes been dreaming about you for years…well i guess youre no worse than where you are now. i know this may not seem like the best advice, but thinking ‘what if’ can be more devastating than knowing. i dont know how old you and your wife are, but now is the time to get this straight so you can both move on – either together or separately. i know youll hear about how wrong youre being but life is unfortunately just not that simple. we all deserve peace and happiness, but i think your first step might be to find out if there is anything at all between you and this other woman. and to everyone whos going to say that this is the worst thing you can do, six years is a long time to still be thinking about her, theres no reason to think youre going to wake up tomorrow and forget about her. sometimes you need to scratch the itch – and sometimes youll find out you dont need to go back for any more.
hey your friend may be married or involved with someone now. leave well enough alone….