21 years old, I was tricked by a guy who spent months getting my attention, my friendship, and care to have sex with me. As soon as he got what he wanted he talked badly about me and my body. He went as far as flat out dumping me and telling me how he would get better “more appealing” girls in the army. He was the only man I have ever had sex with and I allowed myself to believe all the lovely lies he told me.
I am now 22 and I am dating a new guy….I have a hard time wanting to trust him at the same level I let the other guy get to me. He is not aware of that bit yet since we are in a long distance relationship. We video chat everyday and have been together for almost a year. I will see him in November this year since he will be here to visit.
Knowing he is coming makes me happy but riddled with anxiety and stress.
I have only told a few close friends about what happened to me with my last boyfriend because I am embarrassed. I hate myself. I do not want disappoint my family with the truth. I even told my now boyfriend but from my past experience, I have reason to doubt that he truly understands the depth of my misery about what happened to me.
I could go on but really I just found this website to vent because it is not like this is something I can really talk about with my family, I have talked to friends to help ease the pain but this feeling still remains……self hating emptiness.