Am i really that bad of a person?
Posted by Anonymous in Love on Jun 28th, 2010 | 8 commentsI have been married 5 years now, I’m quite young and try my best to be the best wife possible to my husband. Two years ago i left him because of a lot of issues we were having ( i don’t really want to go into to much detail about it, we were both at fault though it had nothing to do with infidelity) After 6 months apart and him going to counseling we got back together, it’s not really been the same but it hasn’t been totally awful, a month ago i met someone casual on a site (not a dating site mind you, i don’t do that) we hit it off and became fast friends, one night after i had come home from the bar with some friends i went online to check email and chat with other friends before going to sleep,he was on and we got into a really deep conversation about one another and how we both were starting to develop feelings for one another.. very strong ones in fact. Time passed and as much as i didn’t want to admit it i was quite sure i was falling in love with him, i know how wrong that is because i gave myself to my husband and no one else, he knows that i am married as well. We talk everyday and i am overwhelmed with guilt but i can’t stop talking to him.. i have never in my life met someone who makes me heart race and my head sing.It’s not fair to either of them for me to be doing this, i find myself stuck between a rock and a hard place.
I feel so damn awful but so elated and thankful for meeting this man at the same time. I have no idea what to do, i know i can’t keep going on like this though.
8 Responses to “ “Am i really that bad of a person?”
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Yep, you are. You’re having an affair. It’s called an emotional affair and it’s every bit as damaging as a physical affair (look it up).
You should be talking to your husband about your feelings (even your feelings for this other guy) and if you really want to explore this other relationship you should get a divorce. Keeping your husband in the dark about it is cheating him out of making his own decisions about his life. It’s cruel and selfish.
I know, and that’s why i have stopped talking to the other person. I love my husband and it’s time i own up to being such an idiot.
That’s not good enough. You need to tell your husband, not just stop talking to the other guy. Burying it will only make you resentful and more likely to do it again when you get lonely enough.
Anon: Though I understand you, you really over did it with your response. This woman’s feelings are natural. Marriage is a law of people, but feelings are a law of nature. She is not a bad person, she’s just not being courageous in her efforts.. Still, the outcome may be just as damaging but there is a difference as far as integrity goes.
Original Anonymous poster: Granted, honey, if you have a family with your husband then you need to open communication with him and respect the relationship. If you truly and deeply love this man, then it is a sign that you have another life to live. Humans are funny creatures; we hold things in and project them out in the most complex of ways that create the most complex of scenarios, but the guiding light is that your life is your own, and you should be true to none other than yourself, and the Universe will back you on this so long as you are honest and positive. That is a guarantee, my dear. Your intentions are to live a positive love life, and not to necessarily hurt your husband, but mind you there is a thin line between being honest and being selfish. Love should be unconditional, and you need to be strong in yourself before you can give yourself to anyone else, so if you’re weak right now then your problems will continue no matter what relationship you are in. So, fix yourself, but let me tell you, as a single mom it was worth ending my previous relationship to find myself.
Talk about stupidity. You are feeling LUST and you are doing EVERYTHING you can to JUSTIFY you stepping out on your husband.
What is gonna happen next is YOU will find an excuse to seperate and BANG!!!! You will have sex with this dude and as soon as you start talking marriage he will drop you like a bad habit.
Wise up!!!! Mrs Bootycall
i am in your exact predicament right now. i know it’s wrong, i know it’s an emotional affair, but i can’t deny the feelings that i’ve developed for this “internet stranger”. it sounds so immature and childish to say it but we’ve talked for hours on end about everything and anything and i have been more honest with this person than i ever have with anybody else in my entire life. it’s like we’re the same person and we’re functioning on the same plane of existence. he understands me even if i can’t quite find the words to express what i mean, and vice versa. i have never felt quite the same about anybody else. i love my significant other, and we’ve been together for nearly 10 years. i look at him and i admire him because he’s a better, more honest person than i am. i don’t know how i fell in love with somebody on the internet, but i did. i didn’t seek this out, it wasn’t on a dating site, i wasn’t soliciting myself. he just came into my life on accident, i found him witty and charming, and he stole my heart. i don’t know what to do, and it absolutely petrifies me.
Honestly? I highly doubt either of you two are in love. I do not believe you can TRULY fall in love till you meet. You are likely in love with the new aspect of this online emotional affair you are having, it’s easy to get caught up in. It’s easy to be yourself and be open, witty and sometimes everything you are not in real life.
I have had an online fling before and once we met, yes it was very much the same but it didnt last. What we had built online wasn’t there in person, we had to basically rebuild everything all over again. And then we had issues.
You are likely bored in your marriage, and being that you had past issues..well this new man is just a distraction from the fact you need to fix your marriage or move on. You are being cruel to your husband. And yourself.
If you truly feel like you love your online fling, then go find out. But don’t crawl back to your husband when it doesn’t work out. Make a clean break and never look back.
I think a lot of women and men fall into the online thing, because its easy, right there and the grass is always greener on the otherside. But it’s not the case in most cases.
I am sure once you get into the nitty gritty with your online man, you will feel the same way about him that you do your husband…or just find someone else.
If you are not happy in your marriage, you need to leave. Not use the excuse of oh I found someone else either, you need to leave for the right reasons. Leave because you do not want to be with him, you do not love him or you cannot try anymore.
Remember, love takes trust.. lots of trust, and rarely is love unconditional.. find yourself and pray for an unconditional love.