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Odd love

There’s this person who’s really nice, caring, and smart. They put up with me even when I’m in a terrible mood, and stick around with me through the toughest of situations. They’ve got a great sense of humour, yet they still laugh at my terrible puns and jokes. They may not be the most beautiful, but the inner beauty they have radiates out. I consider them my best friend, but my admiration for her has extended beyond that.The problem isn’t that we’re both female (I’m pan, she’s bi), but that she’s in love with another girl, who’s probably a lot better than me.

hold your hand

Last night I took a shower to escape the screaming kids and be alone for a few minutes. I was thinking how happy I am that you are coming to visit this weekend. I was smiling I was excited and then I thought about holding your hand and I burst into tears I cried so hard for so long and I haven’t cried in years. I’m in love with you. You live an hour and a half away and it might as well be 8000 miles. You will never know how much out time together means to me and I can never tell you. Maybe one day things will change but until then I love you in secret. I think my girlfriend knows but she still loves me. She probably feels stuck if she didn’t have me She wouldn’t have anything. She can’t work and has no friends or family any where near. You want to explore the world but for me You are my world you are the greatest adventure I have ever had I could die happy if I could just hold your hand… I love you..

My true feelings

I don’t want this to be about old versus young, it is really about being in love with a successful man. I can’t help it, I don’t think anyone can help being in love. He is the man. That is all that I know. He is the man.

I have given him sex, because that is what the woman does, she gives the man sex. If the man has sex with her, then she is his and I am his.

I have gone to his house and I have met his wife and I have told his wife that I am in love with him and that I don’t mind at all that he is married to her and that he loves her. I know he loves me too. She was there first, and then it became my turn.

Instead of acting maturely and accepting the fact that I am also his, she wants him to either leave me or get a divorce. He isn’t going to get a divorce and he isn’t going to leave me, why?

Many men have had more than one woman or wife, just look at the bible and all of history. I believe it is the nature of a man, he wants a woman who can respond to him and I believe a woman who can bear children. His wife is too old for that. Once a woman stops being able to bear children, what should she do? She should embrace the new woman, because the new woman is going to make him happy and maybe hopefully bear him some more children.

He is not running around, her words not mine, he is just doing what nature wants him to do and nature wants a woman to do, to mate with a successful male. There are not enough successful males, so we share. That happens every day in the animal kingdom, one successful male with several females. I am ready to bear children and I want a successful male to father them. And as it happens I love him.

I’m in love with a person i cant be with!

Okay this is going to sound really weird, but i cant keep this bottled up inside. I’m in love with my teacher. I don’t know how or why, all i know is that i am. At first i was pretty okay with it, i mean just seeing her everyday would brighten up my day. Now i cant take it anymore. Have you ever felt what its like, to love someone so much that you feel like you can do anything? This is the worst form of torture anyone could ever experience. I love her so much and i cant do a damn thing about it. I wish she were my age or I was her age. If she was i would never have to look for another woman and spend the rest of my life with her. She is the most beautiful person i have ever met. Not appearance but for the person she actually is. I wanna shout it out to the world but i need her to know how i feel. If keep this hidden inside, i don’t know what i’ll do. Tonight i was watching “When Harry Met Sally” and all of a sudden i bursted into tears thinking of her. I don’t know how this has gotten to this point. I just don’t find girls my age attractive, probably because i keep comparing them to her. Now i found out she is engaged to this guy who is a teacher also. She even told me who her boyfriend or now fiancee was. When she told me that it was like someone opened me up and tore out my heart and fed it to a pack of wolves. Like if only she knew what that did to me or what this is doing to me. It’s like this is some cruel punishment that i have been bestowed upon. I found my equal, the person i cant live without but i cant be with her. I don’t know what to do anymore, I’ve tried so many times to move on because holding on this is only killing me on the inside. I just don’t know what to do anymore.

I am the Other Woman

You don’t get to choose who you fall in love with. If I could, I don’t think I would have made so many mistakes in my relationships. After years of men making me feel like an object, an inconvenience, a chore, I finally found a man who appreciates and loves me for who I am and he just so happens to be one of my coworkers. Of course, he’s married. And I know I sound like every other woman who has had a relationship with someone unattainable, but I am not fooling myself. I know he won’t leave his wife for me, I won’t let him. I can’t be the thing that breaks apart his family or I would feel guilty forever. We have been seeing each other for a while now and his wife found out by tracking his phone. They almost divorced. After that, I know I should have ended things, but I haven’t. I love him. He’s the best thing that’s happened to me and I need his affection. I just got out of a 3 year relationship where I was constantly ignored and never made a priority. Now I have a man that wants to be with me, actually pays attention to what I say, and has never made an attempt to be sexual besides kissing and some touching. I truly believe he loves me. And while part of me feels like I deserve to be loved, another part of me feels sick because I have been on the other side of this equation. I have been the one being cheated on (in every one of my relationships, actually). And today his wife showed up at our work while he was out at a job site (I work in the office). She said it was to trade cars, but I know it was really to come see me. To size me up. I don’t know what to do. I love him so much. But this incident has shaken me to the core. He said he would take care of it, but now I’m re-evaluating myself. I don’t doubt our relationship, I’m doubting myself. What kind of person does that make me if I’m willing to put someone’s marriage in jeopardy for my own selfish reasons? I wasn’t raised to act like this, but I can’t help myself. And i think that’s my problem. “But.” If I can justify it to myself, maybe that will make it alright in the end. Maybe I can convince myself the love is enough. That I’m ok with him being with another woman besides myself as long as I still get to have part of him. I am a selfish human being. I do not deserve the love he gives me.

My Crush

My crush told me that it’s difficult not to look at me. He told me that I’m the cutest person he’s ever met. He told me that he feels wrong for having these feelings, but he can’t help it. I admitted that I feel the same way. He’s married, I’m in a long term relationship. Regardless, it made my day and I can’t stop smiling.

My secret thoughts

I fell in love with a guy, we had the perfect love story for a year, our marriage was planned for the next months, everything was good until he went bankrupt and had to leave the country (we both live in dubai) he is from pakistan i am from Morocco, I gave him my all, loved him with all my soul and after he left i solved his problem by taking back his bounced checks and saving his ass, meanwhile he decided he would never come back to dubai and left me here by myself, so here the problem started, i lost my mind, started inventing lies and problems so that he comes back, i even kissed one of my friends, who is in love with me, and started something with him, but at the same time i still call the pakistani guy, beg him, cry on the phone, then afterwards i go out with the yemeni guy and act as if all is good, when he kisses me i imagine the other guy.. i dont wanna say “my ex” because that hurts, for me we never broke up, for me everything will be okay, I go more further in the relationship with the yemeni guy, physically i mean.. some stuffs happened, we did not have sex as i am a virgin and would only give myself to the other guy.. I lied , I became a liar, I lie to the yemeni and tell him i never had anyone , and he wants to get married to me, I lie to my only love, and invent stories about me being sick, me being at the hospital, police station for problems that i invent, i feel trapped, i dont know what to do, i gave him all of me, he was my ONLY family and i lost it , sometimes i feel like ending it, like killing myself.. or like taking a plane and going to pakistan, but things are stopping me from doing it, for Pakistan my parents would kill me, they would be disappointed.. I am lost, I so want it to end, I secretly wish someone would just come and kill me.

Fake Online Dating Profile

I made a fake profile on a dating website with a photo of a random hot person. I’ve gotten hundreds of messages, but I never reply to any of them. I just read them and pretend they’re for me. =(

Broken Hearted Girl

Had a hopeless crush on this guy at school for about two years now. He knew that I liked him and led me on with mixed signals, but kept getting involved with several girls. I tried many times to just forget him but my heart refused to let go. Last night I found out that he possibly got his girlfriend (who’s cheated on him multiple times with a few guys at school and he KNEW, and was often depressed about it) pregnant. At first I was stunned and didn’t feel anything. Not long after, I felt a huge pang of hurt hit me. I’m just so angry and sad about the situation, but I guess it’s a wake up call to let go… Even the best thing in the world isn’t helping, and music usually helps heal my pain.

I love someone I can never have

I had an affair with a married man for a year and even though its over, I still love him so much and he will never be mine. He didn’t love me back and his behavior makes that clear. My heart aches everytime I think of him. Still.

Forbidden Love

Theres this guy in my school who i have a crush on but hes not gay… and i dont want to be gay… but i dream of him all the time…. what do i do

dying is beautiful

I want to watch someone stare at me as they try to breathe. I want them to panic, grasping and clawing desperately at everything around them. I want to listen to their pounding, panicked heart. I want them to fight for survival… And as they’re losing consciousness, I’ll let them breathe. I want to do this until they mentally break. I want them to worship me, and beg me to end their life. To separate them from their family and friends. I want them to leave their parents or children a note saying how their life’s purpose is to fall under the void of infinite rest. Today’s law enforcement can easily catch people, so I’d never act upon this. But in a no-man’s land, or abandoned island where government and laws don’t exist? I want to bring pain, suffering and blood to those that don’t deserve it. I want them to cry I’m agony and anguish, I want them to beg for death. I’d remove their eyes… And then their heart, and force them to swallow it.

Just saying. It’s a shame such pleasant thoughts will never happen.

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