What lies beneath

I try to be a good person. I don’t get involved in other people’s lives. I do what I can to help people in need. I love my boyfriend and I would like him to be the father of my children.
What lies beneath is my hatred. My hatred of his ex wife and his son. I know the child has no fault but I can’t seem to like him. I’ve never met him. His mother doesn’t want me to meet him. But I hate them. I wish she would die. I wish it and wish it and I have wished it for the kid but I felt bad and let it go. I just hate him still. But her I wish she would just die. You might say then it’s not real love. Part of me wants to get revenge on him for lying to me.

This hatred I cannot seem to let it go. It’s only been a few months.

4 thoughts on “What lies beneath

  1. It’s only been a few months. Something like that does not ease up that fast. It can take years before you find either the love, forgiveness(if valid) or logic to let go of that hate, but you need to try, otherwise you may never stop the hate, and one day it will end up erupting out. Talking to somebody about it will certainly help.

  2. If you can’t get past it then break up with him. Nobody is going to magically die for the sake of your relationship, and killing isn’t a good solution. Do you really want to be in that situation for the rest of your life? Ask yourself that.

  3. Dear Friend,
    Hating others is a horrible waste of your time. Hate separates people and fogs our reasoning ability. It also actually does us more harm than the people that we hate. Allow yourself to give up hating others. If you choose to have nothing to do with them that’s okay but don’t spend your time focusing negatively – it defeats your success. You might also please allow yourself to get into therapy so that you can focus more on what is really important in your life. Be well now.

  4. I understand how you are feeling, as I started off in a similar situation. I so resented my husbands past. Looking back I put that down to a lack of maturity on my behalf.

    He is my first husband and I am his second wife. When I came into the picture his daughter was 12 and son 8 at the time.
    I realised early on that if I wanted this to last and have children I would have to put the effort in.
    It is now 25 years later, we have all had our ups and downs, however my step kids and my boys get along beautifully and enjoy each others company. There are grand-kids now that are enjoyed equally by all their nannas and pops, uncles and aunties.
    The one thing I admire the most now is that my husband has never ever made a negative comment about his first wife, and has always supported and loved me.

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