Unwanted Hatred

Lately I’ve been reflecting on my past, including the people involved in it. Now my past has been a freakin’ social nightmare, mainly because of others that made it that way. I have so many mental scars from the torement lashed out in my years of Primary School and last year in Secondary School that whenever I walk past those oppressors I litterally have homicidal ideations. On a certain occaison I had to physically stop myself from lashing out extremely violently at someone else (potential serious injury could have been caused). Look, I think I have some anger issues, but I’m beginning to scare myself. But no matter how many I attempt to not refer to a certain person as a “stupid bitch” instead of her actual name, I will not bring myself to do it. It doesn’t help that I see a decent amount of justification in it. She, and others like her (that I know) that are academically challenged, wear insane amounts of make-up, act like sluts and are appalling to anyone they slightly dislike really piss me off, due to the fact they believe themselves to be good people and others actually treat them as if they are superior to everyone else. Now that is just one person. I’m male, so that gives me even further amounts of enemies. Apparently anyone who isn’t an AFL fan, football player or a real “country” person in my town is a freak. This sort of bullshit wouldn’t bother me if it wasn’t for the fact that my resilience has been ground down to bare-minimum over the years, with teachers telling me to simply ignore it as I became depressed constantly and one of which that told me I was a bad person. I’m a ******* social wreck and people enjoy causing me pain. I can’t change them and I can’t change myself, not matter the effort I put into it. So, sub-consciously I think that if I can’t change them, there is one thing I CAN do, kill them.
I’m not saying that I will do that, but that’s what I think my sub-conscious is screaming at me.