Mom
Posted by may in Hate on Mar 6th, 2011 | 4 commentsI have to say I still love you whenever you ask. The truth is I don’t. After being called fat, ugly, and dissapointing by you I can’t look at you straight in the eye and say those three words. I try my best and hardest. Why can’t you see that. I try and forgive you, but how when I know you’ll do it again. You want me to live with you when you get old. I’m not, I’m leaving straight for college and leaving you. Then you’ll feel how alone I feel. That’s at least I wish I could do, but I can’t. And you know that. I have sympathy for everyone. So don’t be surprised when one day I’m gone forever. The only way I can get out…
4 Responses to “ “Mom”
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Sounds like you still love her. I’m not trying to be funny. You can love someone, and hate them at the same time. If it’s really bad there, and yet you still don’t think you can leave, then i’m pretty sure it’s lot more than sympathy (judging from what you wrote, i’d say it’s empathy).
Chances are you still care but you hate her. Tip: suicide is a shitty solution. (thats what it looked like you were talking about in your last 2 sentences).
I have a lot of experience with hate, particularly a parent. but in my case it was my dad. This was when i was younger. After i got out, i was able to rationalize solutions that could have helped my situation. You should try being very straight forward with her about everything. I don’t know if i would have been able to do that with my dad back then, but i know i would have been WAY better off if i did. Only thing is that i didn’t know how to do it.
You can try it out. Try and figure out a way to talk to her about it. Tell her how you really feel when she makes those snide remarks and back-handed comments. It might help, and at least with it up in the air, you might be able to find some way of getting past the anger.
Check out this website: It sounds a lot like you might have a mother like this one.
http://www.lostlibertycafe.com.....c-mothers/
If that’s your mother, then the only solution is distance. And distance comes with a good education in a field where there are good jobs, like engineering. It comes from living well beneath your means so you always have money saved. And it comes from a habit of independence that makes you look askance at anything that would prevent you from being able to take care of yourself.
It takes a long time to learn that it is your primary job in life to take care of yourself, when all your life you have been trained that you are not allowed to take care of yourself. Your mother has taught you well that all your attention and energy is rightfully hers, and there can be none wasted on you. Distance and self-care go together: the farther away you get from your mother, the better you can take care of yourself, and the more strength you have for distancing yourself from her.
My husband had a mother like this. She was always insulting him and calling him names. She didn’t support his education and insisted since he was young that he take care of her when she was old.
This behavior continued until he finally told her one day that she was bitter and mean and he wants nothing to do with her. That was a year ago. In one year my husband lost 70 pounds, without teeing. He has been promoted twice and is now a high paying executive. Our life is full of love and adventure. We travel and spend our days happy and at peace. It was the best decision he has ever made.
I encourage you to live life for yourself. I rarely read these confessions and think… I hope everything turns out great for that person. I really am feeling that now.
Best of luck to you and let us know how it goes!
I know exactly what you are talking about in your first sentence. My mom FORCES me to say “I love you” to her every time she says it to me. I’ve even told her several times before.. everything is worthless when you make someone do something unwillingly. Im also really sorry about the situation you’re going through.