I Am Suicidal
Posted by Anon in Hate on Jan 2nd, 2011 | 5 commentsAnd am just waiting until I finally swallow the right mix of the wrong things that makes it look all innocent and accidental.
If I do it right it should even be a surprise to me.
5 Responses to “ “I Am Suicidal”
Leave a Reply
Subscribe
Call a suicide hot-line. Life is worth it.
i think that it’s very difficult to overdose. i tried to last year 200 pills didn’t work. woke up in the vgh er.
Whatever you are dealing with, know that you aren’t alone! Please, please, please! Reach out and get counseling! Life is too precious! Be strong! My thoughts are with you….
I have a little experience with people who are suicidal. a very close family member of mine that i used to live with had times where she tried to kill her self. At first i hated her for being so weak, but i grew to understand what was going on.
You say you’re waiting for the right mixture of pills, that it might even be a surprise to you. I find that logic of thinking interesting. What it tells me is that you have a reason to live. That there is something for you to hold onto.
I would guess that you wish you would die in an accident so that you don’t have to make the decision yourself.
I wonder what it is you want to escape from. Or are you even that rational about it? Perhaps it’s just a desire of yours with no explanation.
The woman i lived with used to keep a diary of sorts. I stumbled across it by accident and was thrown off by what i read. It’s not rational thinking that drove her to wanting to kill herself. In fact there was no rational reasoning behind it at all. But her thoughts and words described how she felt so clearly even though what she was saying was nonsense.
She lived that way for years. many many years. recently, she’s been able to recognize when her mind starts to act the way it does when she thinks about killing herself. She’s been able to seek help on her own when she needs it, and fights her own mind. Why? because she is strong.
I wonder, are you that strong to fight the nonsense in your own mind? If you answer no, then why would you want to die when you don’t even know what you’re capable of doing?
It’s obvious that you have something or someone to live for. If you really wanted to die, you’d just do it. maybe it’s guilt? if so, what could possibly be so bad in your life that you would want to end it? You have access to a computer and internet. So it’s clear your aren’t being locked up in a basement somewhere being tortured and raped.
even if you’re being kept alive by guilt alone, then cling to that guilt. Make it your life. Living for anything is better than not living at all.
Don’t make this your secret. You’d be surprised how much it helps to talk to someone about it. The woman i lived with found profound peace in talking to me. I was able to talk her through severe panic attacks. I’m sure someone can do the same for you.
the woman told me how hard it was to talk about; how embarrassing it was for her. So i can imagine that it might be tough for you. Telling anyone that you want to die is hard. But when you finally do it can come to you as relief. I always imagined it like when i was a little boy in 5th grade and i finally told a girl i liked her. Of course something embarrassing is hard to talk about. It’s the same regardless of the subject.
try to imagine a life where you are happy. know that a happy life is possible. There are lots of happy people in the world.
At the very least, find someone to talk to.
I have never been where are, but I have been on the recieving end. my entire family suffer from depression and mental illness. my father killed himself when I was 7. my mother has tried numerous times. my older sister too.
its hard to think of others when youre in the depths of dispear. but there are people who love you.
please think of who will find you. I found my father in his car. he was dead. I found my sister when she fell out of bed in the middle of the night, I was 14 and had to ring an ambulance and watch them bring her back to life.
It hard to find the positives in life sometimes. but there are things there if you look hard enough, that make life worth living.
I hope you find someone you can talk to. please try a doctor. Im so sad to think there are people out there this sad