Hate being a mom
Posted by Ann in Hate on Feb 21st, 2009 | 2,270 commentsI am depressed. I hate being a mom. I also hate being a stay at home mom too!
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I am depressed. I hate being a mom. I also hate being a stay at home mom too!
I found this by typing I dont like being home, Its true sometimes I feel so frustrated being at home with the same routine day in and day out. I have two little ones. They are a handful but I love them with all my heart and I can not imagine my life without them. I am glad that there is a place where we can all come and vent and not be judged. Give eachother advice and say hey its normal to feel this way sometimes. Imagine if I would share this with my mother inlaw or sister inlaws. They’d kill me. Since they believe raising children is fun all day long and how could there be anything negative. My mother in law always tells me she absolutely loved it and that it was always fun and her kids hardly ever misbehaved. I highly doubt it…, but sometimes I wish she and the rest of them would just be real. No its not fun all the time, its hard work and there will be days where you wont like being a mom but there will be times that your babies will do something unexpected that will make all the hardwork worth it. A smile, a hug, a comment, a funny joke, when they are excited they were able to do a big kid thing… But I hope that if anyone is feeling very depressed or angry and its lasted for a long time and it seems like nothing is helping you feel better (i.e. having me time) than you should talk to someone qualified to help sort out your feelings. Take care and hope your day is better tomorrow.
hi to everyone, i feel absolutley ashamed having to say that i totally do not enjoy motherhood. what is there to enjoy? Not being able to go out when u want, mother and sister in laws saying how great and easy it was for them,making all the frigin sacrafices, not being able to wrk, (husbands choice cos it financially doesnt make sense to have 2 kids in daycare, especiALLY in this recession. i cud o on and on.
my kids are 4 and 19 months. i hate being home with them all day everyday whilst my husband gets to wrk. i had a good job and was going places. i hane 2 degrees and here i am a depressed stupid housewife according to my hubby who says its part of being a mom. Well i hate it.
My life has turned upsidedown. i hate it. and im beginning to hate my husband too. In fact i already hate him.
Help.
I feel just like you. I hate my life. I feel like a robot. And the only reason anyone wants me is to clean up shit. Will it ever end?
it end when you say it ends. Just stop doing it and start doing things for yourself. No one can disrespect you if you take of you first.
xo
Me too! I hate, hate, hate my life, my husband and my kids. I hate being a mom. I am so sick of all the shit. I just want to run away and never come back.
Sounds just like me. I have 4 kids and I hate being home. I’m educated and had a great career. Now I feel like my brain is deteriorating. All I am is a driver, maid and a referee. It’s awful. My husband is great but he works all day. I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m not tired physically but mentally I am just done and there are times when I just want to walk away from this whole thing. But I stop myself because I know I’ll regret it. All I look forward to is 8pm when all my kids are asleep. I literally count the minutes sometimes.
i was surprise fo find so mamy women feeling like i do,from the buttom of my heart i truly hate being a stay at home mom, i love my kids but they get on my nerves same freaking routine every single day.Cleaning, cooking, laundry, changing diapers, take care of everybody but nobody takes care of me.Taking care of 3 kids is hard, homework on me, get up early to get my oldest ready for school and the 3 and 1 yr stay with me.
when it comes to the house everything is me,ask my husband when the last time he gave the kids a bath or put a plate in the dishwasher.when he is off from work and ask him to get up with them and feed them he got the nerve to say he don’t wanna be bother with kids right now when i do it 24/7.most days i feel like running from this, feel like i lost control of my life and have to depend on him for everithing makes me sick.Never been depressednor had any panic attacks and now im on med for both.
Your post sounds exactly like me! I have two degrees, finished with a 4.0 and would have a much better paying career than my husband if I could only complete Grad school, but instead I am stuck at home, doing the same thing over and over, no time to myself and being full of resentment towards my husband because he gets to leave the house everyday and if he decides he does not want to deal with the baby, he just goes golfing/reads/watches tv but somehow it is expected of the mom to come running when baby cries.
I hate being a mom, housewife, wife and doing this shit every day!
I don’t have being a mom all the time but I miss not being able to go out and have fun with my friends and I never catch a break. I’m a 23 year old single mom and I get so frustrated and nobody seems to understand. My daughter is 17 months and doesn’t sleep thru the night. I never catch a break and I’m pissed off and worn out. I love my daughter but I wish someone would ******* help me every now and then.
Our society blows. We pretend we’re happy when we aren’t and we are so self absorbed that we don’t reach out to each other.
Maybe we should model ourselves after a different society.
dear hate , i realisethat its hard. the BEST advise i have 4 u is
2 find CHRIST
he helps w/all that is wrong in our lives
spiritual beats the HELL out of the painfull physical life we often live w/out him
talk 2 him and things will get bettr.SECRET 2 THAT SUCCESS THough is FAITH
IF YA WONT BEND 2 TRY 2 BELIEVE,IT WONT WORK
GLUK
LOV YA
BLESS YA PEACE
Christ your kidding right lol
find your peace on ypu friends. trade off. take turns watching each others kids. walk out on saturday morning before the hubby gets up and don’t come back til night.
I found this purposfully by typing I hate being a mom and this chat came up. I recently divorced after a 20 year marriage with 3 kids; I have a 16yr old daughter and 13yr twin boys. The boys are awesome. They listen, are helpful around the house, rarely fight, get good grades and I truely like them. My daughter on the other hand is so f’n’ hard! She has made my life misserable for years, lying to get her way, saying awful hurtful things, very messy! She drives me insane! I feel emotionally out of balance…. I hate her one day then love her the next.. the same with being a mom.. I hate it one day then kinda like it the next. I’m currently going to school and working while taking care of the 3 offspring… I had thoughts of giving up today……….:(
Wow. I feel really guilty about some of the thoughts that run through my head from time to time, but after reading some of these posts I don’t feel so bad. I don’t mean that in a bad way, but there are people who feel WAY worse than I do. I didn’t think that was possible. I am in my early 30’s and have a seven month old. I didn’t really have a life before I got pregnant. My husband and I would do things together but I wasn’t a social butterfly who went out to clubs and had something to do every single weekend. But at least I had that option and when we did do something we could do it in peace. My husband tries to stay at home with me (when he has offers to do other things) because I think he feels guilty that I don’t have a lot of friends (as I don’t know many people outside of work). I try to encourage him to get out because I don’t even like to bother going places because you have to pack up the whole house in order to go (although we do things as a family quite often). I sometimes feel jealous because I want to get out with friends and feel free. I feel HORRIBLE for feeling this way but it’s the truth. Part of the problem is I have had a rocky marriage for the past several years, and having a child just took the cake.
I feel so guilty because all I ever wished for was to have a child and we didn’t think it would happen. I have never been the type to drool over babies or kids in general, but I have always wanted my own. I love him dearly. He is the sweetest baby and is truly beautiful but having a child is so much work. I feel like I NEVER have time for myself anymore. I work full-time and all I do is go to work, come home, take care of my son, go to bed, and do it all over again. EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. I have always hated repetition so it’s no surprise that this is killing me. My husband is a HUGE help. He is very involved for the most part. He is not lazy when it comes to our son. But it seems as if I spend more time caring for the baby overall. When he decides he doesn’t want to be so involved he has that option. I don’t seem to get that option. I don’t get the 30 minute alone time before everyone arrives home (some days he works late and some days he beats me home).
I could go on and on but I won’t. I am just … tired. I feel defeated. One day I was so frustrated I imagined what life would be like if I just walked away and never looked back. My heart would never let me do such a thing but it was fun thinking it. My house is a mess. We have no real consistency and it hasn’t been ‘properly’ cleaned since he’s been born. We just do what we have to when we have to. I am always glad to see his smiling face when I pick him up from daycare, but soon the reality hits that the rest of the evening is going to go down hill. From the time I get in the door until the time I go to bed … I usually don’t get much accomplished. I am either playing with him or trying to have some down time in the 5-10 minutes he’s occupied with a toy. I can honestly say things have gotten better than when he was first born. I hated waking up every two hours to feed him, change diapers, etc. I absolutely HATED it. I hated fixing bottles. Washing bottles. Now things are better because I don’t feel as trapped but obviously still feel trapped to some degree. But with every month he advances there are different challenges. I had no idea being a parent was so hard. No idea! If I could go back into time would I get pregnant? I can’t say. Now that’s he’s here I couldn’t imagine him not being around. But the endless job of being a parent is what kills me.
My husband wants another baby but I don’t. I know it seems selfish … well maybe it is but at least I’m being honest … I don’t want to go through all this again. I don’t want to be trapped in the house with two kids. No way! Being a parent is supposed to be a joy and it is in some ways, but I really do dread being a parent some days. There is no way I’d start all over again.
wow, I completely understand. I had my first and it was the same thign, then I had my secnd and let me tell you I love them, can’t imagine life without them but soemtimes I wish I could have an adult conversation without being interupted or go out to eat without having to worry about my kids screaming or running around the restuarant. my oldest is 6 and it does get better but my youngest is almost two and he’s a mess. can’t wait until the youngest is at least 6.
I am with you, Jessica!! I so love my kids (boys ages 2 and 4) but I cannot WAIT until they are older. I hate not being able to go ANYwhere cus they scream, throw fits, don’t want to be in carseat, stroller, shopping cart, held, nothing. We can’t go to restaurants…what’s the point? We can’t have people over for dinner cus my kids act like animals when they eat and every night is a lesson in manners. They exhaust me, embarrass me, hurt me, and make me feel like I am a failure. It has never been this bad. I honestly LOVED the baby stage. I loved getting up with the baby (although I nursed). He couldn’t go anywhere. He didn’t move. Then he started walking and my life was over. Then I had another. I am a shell. A shadow of my former self. I hate it. I hate the food and boogers on me. I hate not even taking a shower without wondering if the kids are up. I hate that I can’t even empty the dishwasher without worrying about tehm grabbing things out of it, climbing into it. I HATE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I stay at home but boy I wanna go back to work SO bad. I can’t take it anymore. I just feel like they’re only young once so I will miss out. We don’t need the $ so the only reason why I would go back is just to put them in daycare and have someone else deal with them. I already feel so guilty that I am the bitchiest mom ever so then I would have so much guilt. I try SO hard to play with them, read to them teach them things. They DO NOT sit in front of TV all day. We go to church, playgroups, playground, swimming , gymnatsics, we color, playdough, baking, etc. But they are holy terrors and I HATE IT! WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?????
you are not alone at all. I have two boys 2 and 5. My 2yr old is ruining my life. He is the most difficult child. He screams constantly and forces me to cry almost daily. I feel as though I never have any time to be w my older child. As I write this my 2yrold is still screaming his way off to sleep. I am a stay at home mom and my husband travels alot for work, many days I dream of having the babysitter over and just not returning. I could never do it b/c I love them so much but I need to be honest some days I don’t like them much.
i can totally relate eliza. I hate being a mom. For the same reasons. I have 2 degrees and im at home being a crappy mom to a 4 yr old and 19 month old. and now i acnt finish this email cos of my 19 month old. talk later.
You ever consider discplining them? I wasn’t allowed to scream and run around restaurants when I was a kid.
It seems a lot of your problems would be solved with a little old fashioned discipline.
I’ve already posted here, but today I just need to vent. Don’t really know why. The oldest is in school, the youngest isn’t really giving me problems, but I feel like I am going to explode. I feel trapped. I would give anything to just be able to get in my car and go somewhere. ALONE! I tried taking a bath and my son kept coming in wanting to help or needing to use the bathroom. Nothing is sacred. Nothing is mine. I have to leave the house to be myself, to find myself. Otherwise I am just a maid, a cook, a soother, a discpliniarian, everything that I am really not. Today I would give anything to unchoose this life. :(
I just do not understand why people think that staying home is such an honor. I love my family but I do not love there dirty laundry and messes all over the house. I know they love me and want me to be happy but I have ALWAYS worked. My reason for being home is not because I choose it right now. It is because in this economy I am having trouble finding work like everyone. Yet everyone talks to me as if I am a stay at home wife and mother by choice. Then when I explain that isn’t it at all they get all upset about it. I just wish everyone would openly support me in my decision to be a working Mother instead of make me feel like I am a terrible person for wanting something that is my own.
Wow, this website is making me feel so much better. I thought I might have been the only one who feels trapped and exhausted. I have a 2 year old and a 4 month old and am going back to work in 2 weeks after 4 months of maternity leave. I think it’s totally noble to work and raise kids and I can’t wait to have some time to myself. Staying home with the kids is the hardest thing in the world and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone who didn’t choose it. Going to work is like a vacation compared to staying at home. Good luck– hope you can find a job soon and have some sanity.
I feel the same way. I love my kids but I dont want my kids sometimes or alot of the time lately. I never even wanted kids. And then I ended up with two. And I love them and take care of them, but this is not the life I wanted. I loved working and now I am a stay at home mom. I hate it but I feel guilty going back to work just so some daycare can raise my kids. I just want to run away, but I cant and I will tough it out with hope that maybe one day I will be happy again.
Not sure if being unhappy should be an option. I believe you can be a Mom and work as well. I worked when my first daughter was a baby and she is now 15 years old. If asked she will tell you I am the biggest influence in her life even though I worked. Some Mom’s just need to go to work then after work we miss our kids and therefore cherish every moment. Makes me a better Mom. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for that. We can’t all be the perfect 50s Mom. Good Luck!! I hope you will be happy sooner that you think.
I feel the same way. I would kill anyone who hurt my kids, but at times I don’t like them either. I hate that I am the one left with them even though she wanted them and I just agreed to be the “vessel”. I hate that I am in love with someone but we split up partially because of their “teenage” attitudes. I hate that I have no freedom to go anywhere or do anything without always thinking “what about my kids”….I want my life that I never got to have.
Just signed up and went to first parenting class. Its free they offer 2 hours a week and free babysitting in nursery. Free food, gas cards for each visit, peers with the same children problems, and free food for me and my kiddos. This is not class is 16 weeks, once a week. When its over I am so gonna want to die. But for now I think I am in love with this parenting class!
I am a Army wife and I have 2 boys ages 2 & 8months also expecting another! I wouldn’t say the last two were mistakes, but they were definitely not planned. I struggle everyday I get so depressed and would just cry and wished it all away! I love my boys I really do, but they really know how to get under my skin and most of the time I know it’s not on purpose. My youngest has really stressed me out I can’t even put into words I get so angry and by the end of the day I am angry with my husband and causes us to fight a lot. I don’t know what I am going to do with 3 kids I really don’t I am so scared and sad. All I ever wanted to be was a mom, and now I just don’t feel I should have been. My family lives 1000miles away, because we are stationed in a different state AND THAT makes even harder. I am glad I can get this off my chest I don’t feel like I can tell anyone how I feel without being a bad mom.
I know just how you feel. I had 3 right in a row.. its important to get out of the house. I know its hard. But get a routine. I was angry at my 1st. He was 18 mos and never took a nap. I was so tired. He was so happy and full of energy. I would just be mad. He was up at the crack of dawn. And my 2nd was up late. I never got sleep. My husband would yell at me because he had to go to work in the morning. Yeah… well so do I! Then #3 came. Thank god he was easy! But what saved me was getting out of my house. I’m scared I would have lost my mind if I didn’t.
I just want to send a word of encouragement to all the mums. I have to girls, one is 7 and the other 1 and half. They are the most beautiful girls, but like everyone I feel exhausted some times. I’m thinking of looking for a job now and I don’t think anyone should fell guilty trying to have their one life. I worked when my oldest was a baby and in no way I felt that I neglected her.
If professionally and personally you fell that you need to work, so you should really go for it.
What I sometimes find more difficult is the fact that I’m far away from my family so there is really no help or support in that matter.
It is funny how little thing like being alone, not worrying about the baby or the pram, climbing stairs in shops, having a shower, going to the gym and so on can become so important.
I love my children and although is hard work, they are and will always be my love and pride.
I have four teenagers and there is nothing worse! It’s been hard, hard as anything, and it just seems it’s never going to get easier. I honestly wish I never had kids. Of all th abuses I’ve lived through, my own children take the cake. They are cruel. I don’t want to be here, anymore. I wish there was a home for run-away Moms. My poor husband is the sweetest, how could I do that to him? Stuck
I would totally “mortgage” my house to go to that home for Run away moms. Amazing how there are places for, abused moms, addictions. There is a place to go for help after the “offenses” but no where to go to avoid them. No safe space for us.
Since it is obvious that being a mom is not the idyllic experience that we, as women, are led to believe, why is the myth of motherhood as some blissful experience still out there? I am so glad that this is a space where everyone can be honest about the ups and downs, the positive and negative experiences, and the happiness and loneliness that comes with being a mom; but, I think that it would be even better if it would be acceptable to share these feelings in real life. I think that being honest about the complicated nature of motherhood would help not only mothers, but also provide husbands/fathers/partners with more realistic expectations, and even those thinking bout having children for the first time. Any thoughts?
I hate being a mum today!!! I have 2 kids, a girl 4 and half and a boy 19 months. Im divorced now too(not really intially my choice – who chooses divorce??) so not only do I have them myself but when I dont have them (they do go to their dads) all my pals are happily in family land and my single pals are not always available when I am and envy the cuteness but maybe not practicalities of small children and the limitations.
I feel like running away to the circus!! I miss travelling, eating out, cooking proper meals, full nights sleep, walking with no pram, nappy bag, snacks, moaning, screaming kids and then pretending its the ‘best job in the world’
My neighbours complain about the noise (yeah, like i wanna hear it at 5am either?!!!! here adopt one!!)
i work two days a week which keeps my sanity and income flowing but feel like its a never ending hell with small moments of heaven that was almost none of my choosing??? what the fcuk happened???
you can probably tell Im having a bad day!! The myth of children being constantly and consistantly fulfilling needs to be squashed in the media, in our heads and to our own children.
Its a very bad day here… bring on wine o clock!!
Yes…don’t have children. Get a cat, pitbull (at least once they attack you you are expecting it because that is the nature of the beast).
This may seem a bit harsh for a Mother to say but F**K those that believe we can’t do anything but Mother our children. We are so much more than that. Who agrees?
Back with more comments:
I agree with Riley and cannot understand why this myth (of motherhood being a blissful experience) is still around. Like anything else in life there are ups and downs. There are good days and bad. But blissful? No. I also agree with the person who said people really shouldn’t have kids if they aren’t ready to give up their body and their mind. It really is difficult to take care of your own self, let alone someone else who is completely dependent on you.
Here lately, I have been trying to slow down and take things day for day. I have trying to get my house in order and keep it that way by picking up before I go to bed. I am learning to accept it is what it is. But it aggravates me when we’re out and my husband comments on how he just wants one more child. He is one of those who, for the most part, sees this as the best thing in the world … and can’t understand anyone who thinks otherwise.
I can remember when I was on maternity leave and my son was about four weeks old. He came home from work and I was sitting on the couch, almost in tears. When I tried to open up about it he said, “How can you feel like that about your own child? You’re not supposed to feel lke that!” All I said was I was tired and I was sick of sitting in the house everyday. That’s it. Now, I think he’s finally accepting the fact that I’m not one of those mothers who pretend (some don’t but there are many who do) to be over the moon about motherhood. I have noticed the more kids a woman has, the more she says this is the best thing ever.
Last night we saw a woman with three kids. She commented on how cute our son was and said it made her want to have another. I thought to myself, good luck with that! Being pregnant was easy for me (for the most part it was). Having a c-section was very scary but now I’m past it. But the never ending devotion you have to give to a child is a lot. Any wrong decision you make could affect your child. When you’re tired there’s no time to kick up your heels and read a book. You have to take care of the baby, first. Then when you do have time to do anything you’re too tired … or need to be doing something to prepare for the next day.
I, too, wish it was “acceptable” to express your true feelings without being made out to be a monster. Just because some of us are frustrated and tired of being on-call 24/7, doesn’t mean we don’t love our children. It doesn’t mean we want to put them up for adoption or we wish we’d aborted them. I just means we are human. We want to have a life. We want to feel whole again.
That’s all folks.
I hate my brother in law and sister in law, in fact, all my hubby’s family lives here. My family is 6 hours away. I am here ALONE. I have a 3 yr old son, no one helps me, hubby works 60 hrs., a week. With one night off a week, his bro invites “you want to come over for burgers and watch the game?” does that include ME?! NO! What about my time with my husband. What about me doing bath and books/bedtime 7 days a week 365 days a year. How many PBJ sammies must I make?!
It seems like all the mom friends I have have other friends and never want to ‘get together’. All I do is go to the gym, grocery store and shuffle the 3 yr old to childrens museum, bore! zoo, major bore! parks n rec classes. I am so sick of it. I am lost at who I am. What I want to do? What is it that would make me happy? What is happiness?
I’m glad I googled this and found this blog, I thought I was the only one who walks around with a fake smile, fake attitude and swallows the constant sadness that reaks on the inside.
OMG!! I don’t know what happened to society. When I had my first daughter almost 16 years ago and went back to work no one said anything. Now all of sudden I want to go back to work since my second daughter is 5 months and everyone says “What you don’t love your children?”. What is this 1955? I was raised to be in the workforce and be competitive. It is hardwired into my DNA. Without I become very depressed and don’t even want to care for my children at all. Some people just need to work. I wish the rest of the world would stop trying to change my mind. It will never happen anyways.
I’m so glad I found this website. I’m a divorced single parent and I’m only 20. I hate the fact that single fathers are called that! They’re only in the picture when they visit other than that they r free to do as they please. I’m going nuts with my 11 month old. Sometimes I just want to yell at him for dropping something. Or just ignore him when he cries. I start to think my god wut the **** did I get myself into. I love him so much. He’s an organic baby. I still breastfeed and I make his food. I always get the ur such a good mom and on the inside I feel like crap cuz I don’t feel like a good mom. I wish I would’ve lived my life the way I wanted. Instead I stay at home everyday with my son. And his dad complains that he needs space. Like seriously space from wut! Ur crappy job!! And then he’ll tell me to get a job. Ha please I have a job and its 24/7 . He has no idea how good he has it! I have worked since I was 6 months pregnant and I can’t stand it n e more. Then to top it off my son can only b around 3 other ppl besides me. Which is his dad my mom and nana. It drives me crazy! I feel a lot better now that I have let this out. Do any of you have any tips to relax when ur child stresses u out?
I have a correction on my post. I haven’t worked since I was 6 months pregnant.
It’s frightening to become a new mother. Unfortunately I figured out that I didn’t like it after the baby was born. I left her at six months with her father.
Nonetheless this experience has ruined my life – body, looks, finances and lifestyle.
I don’t know how I can get over it unless I move to another city.
I am 27 yrs old n a mom of 3! I never get 2 leave my house because we only have 1 vehicle. My husband is a cop n is never home. We’ve been married for 8yrs. We haven’t had the best relationship at all. He got cancer n 2006 and n 2007 he was cured n then cheated on me with a much younger girl,19! Then I gave him another chance then n 2008 he cheated again and left me n moved n with a girl! I got pregnant then we decided 2 try again then n 2009 he took a girl on vacation while I was at home with the kids! I hate my life! I love my kids but never wanted kids! I am still with him cuz I have no where 2 go! I think about leaving them all behind everyday because I am so miserable! I don’t know what 2 do!!
I’m probably supposed to tell you to hang in there and be strong for your children.
Instead, I’ll tell you the truth.
You’re young enough to start over. Get away while you can. Your so-called husband has already moved on. At this point, he’s using you as a glorified nanny, keeping you around to raise his kids so he doesn’t have to.
Free yourself, even if you have to leave your husband and kids behind.
I’m afraid of what people will think of me if I leave my kids and husband. I’m afraid 4 people 2 c how I really feel! I’ve been on anti depression medicine for 3 years now, 3 different kinds too! I even went 2 a therapist but I have more things wrong with me than depression! I have no friends, I only have my husband n kids but I don’t even want them! I don’t leave my house unless its with my husband! I was told he is an emotional abuser! I just need help!
You need to do it! GO! I’ve been divorced for 2 miserable years. My kids are 8,5&2 & they are the most annoying people ever. All they ever do is fight scream break things & make messes. I’m leaving them with their dad next week & moving out of state. You can’t worry about what other people think. The deciding factor for me was my kids, they deserve better than an angry mom who doesnt want to be around them.
OMG.. I cant believe you all. I get to that point when i want to leave or dislike being a mom. But i would never admit to hating my kids. If you all hate your kids so much there are adoption agencies or family that would be happy to take them off your hands. Kids even 2 year olds act out because they sense what is going on around them. I found this site looking for adviceon my lazy husband.. and all i see is hate this hate that. Such a terrible mean word. Can you all just say that you hate yourself and not your children. at least if you admit that then you will know where to go to get help. I am not perfect. I have a 3 year old that i have to chase down the street daily. We have to lock all our door with keys. even the bathrooms. And i have an autistic 11 year old.. between the two of them and my Lazy husband i have no life. But i dont hate them. I just want to find out what i can do to fix things.. MAke it better. Im trying to find work. been looking for a year now and nothing. please all the moms that posted on here.. re-read your posts.. you will see how wrong you are.. you cant hate your kids its not their faults.
I did leave my husband and son (8) I was a stay at home mom with him for 6 years. I never wanted kids and my husband did. I felt lots and lots of guilt about leaving. Men do it all the time. ……. I got divorced moved away from them about 50 miles and started trying to remember who I am now…..I am actually a good person. I work pay taxes send care packages to my son and money to my ex ( though not demanded) it was a hard choice to make. And some may say it’s selfish. But I had the balls to take my life back. I love my son and think about him everyday, but I did what was right for my mental well being as well as my son….because his dad loves and cares for him dearly ( he AlWAYS wanted kids and dad life). It is possible to switch and have dad take the controls. Good luck to you all!
i have been thinking about leaving a lot lately. i have a 18month old son that i can’t stand being around. i put him in full time daycare which helps- but i have such anxiety anytime i have to be alone with him- i know i’m not a good mom and i dont care if i am. i dont even know if i love him. i dont wish harm on him and i dont want him to grow up knowing that i dont love him- so that is why i am thinking of leaving. my only problem is that i’m so in love with my husband. we have a great marriage (besides the fact that he doesnt understand how i can’t love our son) he says my choice is to stay with him and my son — or i have to leave and i can’t save our marriage. was it hard to leave your husband? were you in the same situation?
What woman doesn’t want to feel beautiful, desired, loved, appreciated, sexy, smart, risque? Being the sole provider of children strips you of that. This also applies to married women with husbands that hardly help out.
My daughter is 16 and I have been feeling this way since she was 5!! I am counting down the days until I am no longer legally responsible for her. “What kind of mother feels this way?” One who gave up her life for a child she never wanted in an effort to keep a lie of a family together. One who supported a cheating man and thought he would still take care of his child after he was kicked to the curb. One who feels under appreciated and over worked. Do not get me wrong, I LOVE my daughter, I just know the truth about me. I am responsible for her and while I am responsible for her I will dive in head first, but the feelings of wanting my life back have never gone away. I, like most of you, wear the real smile when it’s real and the fake one when it’s not. She need not know my internal battles, as nothing good could come of that, but I can be truthful with myself.
I just came back from an overnight business trip and did not realize the extent of my stress level. I did not hear the dog bark, or “feed me”, “what’s for dinner”, “can you take me …?”, “mom”, “mom”, “mom”….I actually laughed, spoke to ADULTS, had conversations where I did not have to watch my language, was told how beautiful I was by men and women alike (the compliments were flowing), was offered food and drink on someone else’s dime! I do not want her to disappear and I am sure most of you do not either, but there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with wanting YOUR time or respect. NOTHING!!!
I am back home now… reality and the drama have begun…
Well I have been really homesick lately.I miss my Dad so much. My Mom moved be half way across the country when I was 15 and I am now 35. I have been trying to go home since she moved me but there was always something or someone stopping me. Lost my job last year after finding out I am pregnant with my second daughter. I am just not a stay-at-home Mom. I have always worked and staying home for a year now is killing me. I have a wonderful husband that loves me with all his heart. However, he can’t help much with the baby because he has Fibromyalgia and is in alot of pain all the time. I haven’t had more than just a few hours away from the baby a few times since she was born. I feel like I do everything and it is difficult to not resent him because I am so tired. Haven’t had a day off for myself in over a year. We had been talking about moving closer to my Dad and other family for the past week and I have been so happy about it. I admit one of the reasons is I will get a break. My husband found this out and now he says it makes him feel uncomfortable. Now he is trying to say it maybe a bad idea. I am so miserable and feel like I am in a prison. I just want to go home. I am so worn down and tired. I need this and he is saying no now. Why can’t he understand I am depressed and hate where we are and the way our life is. Since I left home I have been through 2 marriages both ending in divorce and a 7 year battle to get my older daughter back from a jerk ex. I have her now and I am just emotionally strung out. I need my family and home. I need the safety from being near my Dad. He won’t be around forever and he missed over half my life because my Mom took me away.
Oh ladies. I am feeling so much love for each and everyone of you right now! I am a single young mother and I’m getting to my breaking point. I had my aughter when I was 19 and evethough I knew in the back of my head that I may have to do this alone( we were together at the time) I told myself I could handle it. WHAT THE **** WAS I THINKING!!!!!!!!!!
I love my daughter dearly don’t get me wrong. Those moments when she makes a joke or does something that surpases the intelligence she should have at her age I feel blessed to have her. THen there’s the other 95% of the time where I cant stand the kid! I just want to run! run very very far! like forest gump does… just run for years. maybe end up in brazil or some shit and never look back! I lost my youth, my looks, I am in college trying to graduate and I don’t think its going to happen until I’m thirty. TOday reading your posts I cried and laughed for the first time in a long time. I am not living my life I am just passing day by day. I hate that I can’t go out even to dinner for 1 hr and relax with a friend to catch up. I can’t even take a CRAP in peace!!!!!! It’s like seriously kid do you really need to be in here!!! I’m having a really bad year not day. If I could go back I ask myself Would I have had her? The answer is no HELL NO! But I did and I’m assuming my responsibilities. My question though is why does it have to be so ******* HARD!!!!!?????
I feel so releived to have found this site. I am turning 40 this month and have a 10 month old. She was a surprise to me and her father, whom I have been with since 1993. His mom and brother live next door and help out daily. I have no idea how I would survive without them. I was a career girl for 20 yrs and lost my job due to the economy, got pregnant while using a condom – so I know God wanted our angel to grace the Earth. I love her more every day, and I also feel like I loose a little bit more of my own identity every day. I cannot say she ‘stole’ my life – I had lots of time with my boyfriend to have fun b4 we had her, but I did not realize this would be so trying. Her father works a lot so he is unable to help out as much as he would like to. Some days, I just do not want to be around my baby. I cannot take the constant climbing, whining, grabbing, touching, putting everything in her mouth, LOVE ME LOVE ME attitude, needy like a mother f-er, always needs to be the center of attention. I also just described myself. So there is no surprise she has the personality that she does. My own mother was not a ‘mommy’ in any manner. She cared for me in terms of putting a roof over my head and clothes on my back but was emotionally absent. I am trying my best to break that cycle and be different with my child, and I know that I am. But I would be a liar if I said it is all fun – all the time, b/c it is not. It is work. Some times more than others. I tell myself that I MUST make sure I take care of ‘me’ b/c if I do not, then absolutely no one else will, and then where does that leave my baby? I have to be well to be a good mother, so I try not to feel guilty about keeping ‘me’ emotionally, spiritually and physically happy. If u don’t take care of u, then u cannot take care of anyone else, bottom line.
I had an emotionally absent mom too. I’m her only child, yet to this day, we barely speak and I feel little connection to her. Build a bond with your daughter now before she resents you in the future, even if you have to get professional help to do so.
Personally, I do not like children and have no plans on having them. No point of bringing kids into this world that I dont want. It’s a waste of time and money and the kids will be hurt the most. People think abortion is wrong but I think a child knowing they are unwanted is worse.
I am so relieved to read all of these posts…I could have written them myself. I hate being a mom, especially stay-at-home with 2 kids. I hate my life, the daily grind, constant demands and no “me” time. I have given up my body, my profession, all my freedom, time with my husband, and my entire life for them. If I could go back in time and choose to never have kids, I would do just that. Now I can only be honest about how kids turn your world upside down, and hope that other women make a better choice for themselves.
I agree with Nicky above: people think abortion is wrong, but a child knowing that he/she is unwanted is worse. If more people knew the truth about having kids, there would be (dare I say there “should be”) more abortions.
I had two guys break up with me over the years because I did not want to be a mommy. It is very gratifying to read these (although I’m sorry so many moms are so depressed) because at least Iknow I was right to follow my gut feelings about the whole parenthood thing. It just seemed like too much to give up…freedom, money, my sexiness, time with friends, travel….yeah, some say it dooesn’t have to change all that much. But I see how my friends with kids live. They are slaves totheir children, at least for the first 5-10 years.their whole lives centers around cleaning up, feeding, clothing and paying for the kids. that’s great if you lovethat kind of thing, but i am not someone who thrives on routine. I love my career and I love to travel at the drop of a hat. Sometimes it is lonely, don’t get me wrong, but most of the time I am happy. I’d say for the 8% of time that it’s difficult or lonely, 92% is really satisfying. I like those stats.
kudos for sticking to your intuition. i’m surprised you even posted on this site. since you’re life is so great….
i’m talking to my therapist every week and i’m thinking of moving away. been in the same place for too long and don’t like it.
the father of the child supports me in my move.
Thanks for your honesty and your posting. You are right about the 92%-8% thing. You are right about how you see people with kids live…and you are not even there when a kid is screaming in the middle of the night and the parents start yelling at eachother too from the stress and sleep deprivation! Yet you have so much wisdom and I hope you are content with your decisions.
I wish I had, like you, followed my instincts, not believed the “bundle of joy” LIE, and not been influenced by others who said having children was sooooooo wonderful. I wish you much love and FREEDOM in your life. peace to you
i also hate being a mom. i just started too. i am 42 and my daugher is 2. i have no idea how i’m going to support her for the next 16 years. i actually tried to kill myself a year ago and it didn’t work.
i feel that she’s in the way of my happiness, my career and a potential mate.
i agree with nicky. abortion is not for everyone but for those that don’t want to be a mom don’t bring an unwanted child into the world. it’s not worth it!
I maybe moving home finally. I will have a support system to help with my girls 5 months and 15 years. My husband has Fibromylgia and hurts all the time so he tries to help but can’t always. My husbands job is terrible and he only took it due to the economy. We are moving on and out of Florida. Thank God for everything.
Just needed to let it out today. I’m coming down w/ the flu or something but do I get to lay on the couch & be sick–NO WAY. I have to cater to my kids every need, regardless of the fact that I just want to curl up in a ball & sleep. I read these posts where someone says “i love my kids & can’t imagine my life without them” and I just want to cry. The truth is, I do love my boys more than anything but I CAN imagine my life without them. It’s a wonderful, relaxing, selfish life where I work so that I can have money to travel & experience life in a way you can’t with 2 little kids tagging along.
D:
i know what you mean. i miss my single selfish life so much….i hate paying for my child’s care and taking care of her, ruining my body and career. i left her at six months old. it’s not fair to her to have brought her here and it’s not for me….yet i have to support for her for the next 18 years.
i’m planning to move out of country next year which is what i’ve always wanted to do. i’m tired of making excuses out of fear or age.
the problem is that you can’t really runaway from motherhood. it gets under your skin and never leaves.
I completely understand!! I have been with my husband since I was 16 n have never had a single life n had fun n stuff!! I can imagine my life without him n my kids sometimes n when I do I feel awful about it! I want a better life cuz I know the grass is greener on the other side, it has 2 be…anything can be better than this!!
The grass isn’t greener. Try to deal with it and find the happiness in what you have! xo
How do I find happiness in what I have? Should I just be a b!tch 4 the rest of my life? My kids never see me happy or even smile!!!
the grass is greener. Don’t kid yourself, there are no childfree women who want to switch places with you.
Actually there are lots of women who’d switch places. How they’d feel about it later is another story, might work out for some and not others.
And did I read your comment elsewhere that you’re 20? LMAO, I needed the laugh. 20 year old childfreer, lol. Must be a typo. You must have meant 30 or 40 perhaps? Cause at 20 you’re not even old enough to drink yet, much less be so opinionated about motherhood.
I wanna add somethin about gettin 2 rest when ur sick…I hate that we don’t get 2 but when he is sick I have 2 take care of him 2. I almost died last year havin our 3 child n he didn’t bother 2 stay with me at the hospital! I was n 4 a week n he didn’t visit or even call! I was there 4 him when he almost died goin thru his chemo n stuf but when it came 2 me, “work” was more important. Ugh, I just don’t know what 2 do cuz I can’t go back 2 my parents house cuz my dad has lung cancer n he doesn’t need me n my kids or just me there! I need friends!!!
can i ask if you’re a single mom or married mom?
I am married…why?
I am hoping someone can please help me…I just read through this thread. I am overwhelmed by the honesty you have all shared. So thank you for that. I have been struggling with the idea of having a child for the past 8 years. I am 39 and my husband has made it very clear that he doesn’t want kids ever. Aside from him not wanting kids, our relationship is fine. However, I have been suffering from depression and anxiety because I am afraid that if I don’t have a child that I will regret it and end up alone. I realize that having kids does not guarantee having company in old age, but it is a very strong urge – this urge to have a child. I am currently on medication for this depression and anxiety. I know it sounds crazy to ask this…I think my hormones are raging…should I walk away from my marriage for the sake of having a child?? I know that you have it so hard with your kid(s), but should I just let the idea of having a kid go and focus on other things? Thank you so much for any words you can offer. I wish I could help ease your pain and I am sorry for the suffering you are all going through.
most of us are envious that you are childfree! hang out with other moms, give them a hand. see if you like it
I understand where you are coming from. There is all this pressure to hurry up and have a kid when you get to an age where you can’t keep saying, “maybe later” but having a child out of fear that you will be alone in life may not be the best idea. As you can see, many mothers regret having kids. It is years and years of the hardest work ever and even then there is no guarantee how they will turn out. I think a lot of people want to have a child to fulfill their own needs in some way, so they can have someone to love them or so they can feel “needed” but after they have the child, realize that it is solely about the child’s needs ALL THE TIME. After all the years of neediness and clinginess, they turn in to teenagers, still needy but no longer want to be around you and expect you to still care for them (usually with an attitude) and eventually they are off and busy with their own lives. I’m not trying to talk you out of it, there are some great moments in motherhood but in my opinion it does not come close to the amount of work you put in. Understand that it is a completely thankless job and it is not the fantasy society makes it out to be. I agree it is a good idea to spend some time with friends who have children, offer to care for them for a while so you can get an idea of what it’s like. Best of luck in whatever you choose.
That’s a tough one. The thing is that before I had kids, that was all I wanted, especially when all our friends starting popping babies and raving how it’s the most amazing thing, blah, blah, blah. I know that if I didn’t have kids, I would feel like I’ve missed out on the most important part of life. Seems like it’s the case with you. So if you choose not to have kids, know that you will forever wonder if you made the right decision. But if you do, chances are you won’t regret it. Well… at times you will. But with 1 child (as long as it’s not an exceptionally difficult one), it’s really hard only some of the time. Once they can go to daycare and school, you’ll be ok. You can have your career, nanny, and freedom. I have 4 so I’m trapped. As to walking away from a marriage, that’s really tough because what guarantee do you have that you’ll meet someone and get married soon. Unless you plan on being a single mom.
Look at all of the posts on this site! See how many women/families, who thought they wanted children, and now we hate our lives and all we sacrifice. I long for those days before kids, the “fun and free” time I call it. I miss the relationship my husband and I used to have. We had kids on purpose…believing the lie about how wonderful it is, enriches your life, blah, blah…. And I have the support of my husband, and it is still insanely difficult and overwhelming. If you do not have his full support, it will be even more difficult! I wish I had read things like this before having kids. I still long for the freedom, my career, my identity.
There are so many other things in life you could focus your time and energy on…so many opportunities to volunteer and be part of making someone’s, even a child’s, life better. What else pulls at your heart?…homelessness, abused animals, environmental concerns, political advocating…..? I used to volunteer (before kids of course) and I loved it! I wish I could be involved again…but that is impossible now with 2 little kids
Also, if you suffer from anxiety and depression, talk to your health care provider about these issues,and how likely you may be to suffer from post-partum depression. I went through that too and wanted to die, literally. As if having kids is not depressing enough, when I already had that tendency towards depression, it was even worse…such a dark, dark time.
Maybe you all should have thought about this before you got pregnant, huh?
Wow Ariel!!! I did think about it b4 I got pregnant but I didn’t think my husband would turn out 2 be so mean 2 me and a cheater! When we first got married he was wonderful! When he became a cop is when he changed!!
I did think about. We were told we were infertile. But even if I hadn’t been told that I probably would have tried to have a child. There is no way I would have thought it would be this tough for me. Everybody is different. Some people are just cut out to be mothers. I have friends that motherhood saved them or enriched their lives. My life was pretty damn good before. I love my kids, but I HATE MOTHERHOOD! I admit it I am selfish. I miss getting to do things on my timetable not on someone elses or because it is what I want to do not what my child wants to do. On top of the being responsible for there daily care! Ugh! It is getting better because my youngest is finally fully potty trained. That has helped so much. I’m definitely a better Mom for kids than babies.
((((Hugs)))) to all the Moms on this thread struggling or who are reading it and struggling too.
Wow ariel….. I had know idea that you knew what was best for everyone…..that’s great!
Why don’t you take your judgmental attitude and go get back up on your high horse. You are the same kind of person that thinks they can’t get pregnant ” if he pulls out” right?! And also a (gw) bush lover.
To all the ladies that post in here….I LOVE YOU ALL!! and even though I don’t know any of you personally ( which apparently Ariel does) you all make me feel okay and not so alone in this crazy world…
And Ariel……go back to wherever you came from sweetie your not needed here, because obviously your above it all and your passing judgement like the”god” you are.
When I got pregnant I was happily married with a husband who promised to love me & be a good father then he walked out & left me with 3 kids all by myself. If I had known this was what I was in for I wouldnt have had them
ariel, many of us did think about it but most people refuse to admit or are scared to admit that being a mom isnt all blue skies and cherry pie. it sucks. i have a 4 y/o and a 7 y/o both are in school all day but my life still sucks. I cant go out when i want, if i dont feel like cooking well too bad for my luck i have to. Maybe you should think before you speak. that sounds like a good idea to me. why are you on this thread? if you dont share our feelings then kick rocks, dont sit here and troll around if this isnt how you feel, then its none of your business.
Mary… you are my best friend! Awesome post!
Ok Thelema…. I didn’t say I hate my kids cuz I don’t I just hate my life! I have learned u shouldn’t say anything til uve been n other peoples shoes!! O n I do hate myself n I’m already seeking help 4 it!!
To the person who said, “Maybe you all should have thought about this before getting pregnant, huh?” and the person who said, “Put your kids up for adoption if you don’t want them and hate them, yada, yada, yada!” Whatever. It’s easy to sit back and judge others via the internet. It’s easy to tell someone what they should be doing or what they should be feeling. But the reality is people feel the way they feel and there’s nothing you or anyone else can do to change that. While I can’t relate to those who hate their children, I can totally understand the frustration of being a mother and how it affects your life. If anyone has judged my posts it doesn’t bother me one bit. At the end of the day my feelings are still my feelings.
Some of the posts on this site break my heart. But, guess what? It’s real. Why hide the truth? Some said, “I can’t believe some of you admit to hating your children!” Well, what else are they supposed to do? Continue to pretend they don’t? I personally feel hiding the truth make it even worse. When people are able to express their true inner feelings it helps them progress to the next step in the healing process. If a person is addicted to drugs and they keep telling themselves and others they are not what sense does that make? When it’s all said and done they are still addicted to drugs. I think some of you need to wake up and face reality. Postpartum depression is real. Every week there’s a story on the news about a mother killing or harming her child. I am not making excuses for them by any means, but perhaps if someone would have taken a minute or two to listen to her complain and understand where she was coming from – some of those cases would have been prevented.
One thing I think we all need to remember is how one thing affects you may not affect another the same way. Just because your unruly child doesn’t bother you, doesn’t mean it isn’t causing another mother to have a meltdown. If every person could ‘think about the affects of having a child before they did it’ then there wouldn’t be so many children in foster homes and adoption agencies. Does that make it right? No, but that’s the reality of the matter. Having a child and being a parent is not like test driving a new car. When you test drive a new car the dealership may allow you to keep it for a week or so, but if you don’t like it you can return it with no penalty. With having a child you can’t go back. Once you are pregnant that’s it and I don’t care what anybody says, even if you put your child up for adoption there will always be guilt in the back of your mind. You will always be tied to that child no matter what part of the country you live in. You will never escape the fact that you are a mother.
Well said. I am very well educated in psychology and feelings are never right or wrong, they just are. They need to be accepted and validated. Validation is absolutely the most important thing to our well being. When we are invalidated, we become very depressed.
i was just curious. but i see that you have a husband. i brought a child into the world without one and i’m scared out of my wits.
Don’t be scared vh, they don’t help much! I do everything on my own.
I have to say that this thread of confessions is saving my life. Today is better than yesterday but I had a huge meltdown. I think that the last straw was reading for the tenth time on facebook from my other mom friends, that they just love and adore motherhood. All I can say is really? really? Because I must be the worst mother on the planet then. Im 33. I have an 8 month old daughter who was wanted, is still wanted, and is very much loved by both her mother and her father. However.
I swear I am going insane. I can’t sleep, even though my daughter sleeps through the night. I am exhausted every day, and I can’t remember anything. I went from making 6 figures to sitting on the floor 10 hours a day saying Yay! Like every other woman on this site, I feel as though I have become a shell of what I was. I can’t even hold an adult conversation anymore. Not that I really ever get a chance to practice. People bought me tons of books when I said I was taking a year mat leave. Now that Im a mom, I think I have been able to get through one magazine in the last 8 months. It seems like I just found out that BP had a major catastrophe. I live in a town of 600 people with the access in and out of town being on an airplane only. It is already winter here with 6 inches of snow. Even if I wanted to go on walk with my child, its pretty much impossible to go out for more than20 mintues. So 20 minutes of prep time, 20 minutes after we get home for a 20 minute screaming ordeal outside. I told my husband I just wanted to crawl under the blankets and never come out. That for the first time in my life maybe I need to be on something to deal with this. I have zero support with the exception of hubby, who sincerely does care and try to help. But Im so angry all the time. Even when he helps Im angry. Im angry about when I have to go back to work .Because even when I go back to work, Scarlett will go to daycare and I will feel terrible about it. Having a child is like running a never ending marathon, even if you love it and kinda just want to stop, it feels never ending. Your body is wasted, your mind is spent and it takes every single piece of will power you can scrape out of your psyche to just get up and face the day again. My mind just never quits buzzing with the worries of being a mom.
Sometimes my husband will say, why dont you go out and relax and I’ll take care of our daughter today. Well, theres no where to go, quite literally in this town anyways, and as previously stated, all my mom friends seem to be seriously insane. And the entire time Im out, I’ll worry that I should get back, and honestly, a couple hours away really isn’t going to make anything better. I need weeks of recovery time.
I don’t know, as much as I hate putting her in daycare, it might help my sanity come back when I go back to work. At least there I get a coffee break and don’t have to pretend to be thrilled when I get some peace and quite for 5 minutes at a time.
I can see why moms either gain 200 lbs or become alcoholics. Anything to help pass the time and tedium of kids tv, kids colds, kids diapers, conversations, jokes, messes, screaming, crying, yelling fighting etc…..One day I am just going to run away. I never thought this would be this hard. And we wanted and planned for this child. I can’t imagine a child being unplanned or unwanted or with a single parent family. I would have run away months ago.
Thankyou to all the women who wrote on this page. It makes me feel slightly more sane to know that Im not the only one out here in lala land wanted to curl up and pass out for a long long time.
you hit the nail on the head more than once!
Yes, you’re so right. Motherhood is an 18 year marathon! Well said!!
Wow- it sounds like your town is really unusual. I lived in a cold mountain town when my kids were very young and it was tough. I can’t imagine what you are going through with being in a 600 person town and needing to fly in and out via plane. It sounds like that condition alone would be enough to test anyone much less having a toddler to take care of.
My kids are older now at 8 and 10. I know it sounds cliche but it does get so much easier (at least for me) now that they are older. Life gets progressively more normal and sane….ie they help out, don’t need constant supervision, get their own snacks, entertain themselves, behave in stores/restaurants, bathe themselves, etc. etc. Those early years (esp. during the long winters) were brutal at times.
All I can say, is try to hang in there. It’s so hard at the 18 month stage and considering you live in Antartica LOL!
I read this “Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts” five years ago and it changed my life. She “preaches” that most women are often pleasure and fun starved and then we end up miserable from years and years of martyrdom. The book teaches how to get back to a place of fun, pleasure, and joy. (Three words we moms especially with young kids can swipe from our vocab a lot of the time!) Also, she has a website….Her school is in NYC.
Maybe worth checking out!
motherhood is a cruel joke. options: 1. running away 2. jumping off a bridge
Or drinking lol. Just kidding.
Jules – Thank you so much for your post and your honesty. I feel your pain! I have felt exactly the same way as you so many times! I also feel like a shell of who I used to be. And we did this on purpose too…why does the LIE of the “bundle of joy” continue. Who are these insane women who love this mommy life? I am right there with you…you are not the only one!
Yikes…I think I might have an answer sort of, to that “Who the eff are these women?” because I know a few. The women I know who loveloveLOVE Mommiehood! YAY MOMMIES! Seem to have these qualities in common.(Now this is just from my personal observation…so apply grain of salt where needed…)
Mommies who JUST ADORE EVERY MINUTE of being a Mommie:
*In my social group at least, these are often the women who don’t have a strong, passionate, exciting relationship with their husbands/partners. They married or settled down because he is nice, and looked good on paper, and they were at the age where you settle down. They wanted someone to be “the man of the house” and “a good provider”…they were never in a bodice-ripping, passion filled relationship in the first place with the baby daddy.These women I know talk in a blase way about the Dad, and their marriage / relationship DEFINATELY does not come first.
*The delighted Mommie’s I am talking about never really had any ambitions, either to climb a moutain, get a PHD or stive forward in a career.The regretful Mom’s I know are the ones who had big dreams. Some people like having an excuse not to have to do anything else other than “Be a Mom.”
*LOVE BEING A MOMMIES also are more competitive than my laid back Mom’s, or childfree friends…the laid back, non competitive ones are the ones who tell you how bloody hard it really is, and let the kid sit in front of sponge bob once in a while. I respect the hell out of them. The Mombies are the ones who post inane piffle like “Tarquin is only six months old and reads Proust!” on Facebook, in order to make everyone else feel like their kid is a simpleton. THOSE women are the ones who say the ADORE Motherhood. Basically, it is a contest. And he who complains first loses. I despise them. Also, see “Not having ambitions for yourself above” as now little Tarquin and baby Satsuma can do that for you.
Just rest assured that they are horrid to one another these LOVE BEING A MOMMIE! persons, people who tell the truth have stronger friendships, and that with every organic spoonful of mush they proudly post on Facebook about, that is one inch closer to losing their entire identity.
(Also…psst…thier husbands are all having affairs. Seriously.)
I am in need of a girls nite out sooo bad! I have NEVER had one n my husband gets 2 do whatever he wants!! He doesn’t want me going anywhere unless its with him or he approves it!! I hate him!!
Wow. Yes you do need a girls night out. I do it all the time and my husband totally supports it. In fact, he puts his own plans on the back burner just so I can go out and have change of scenery. You need to talk to your husband and tell him how you feel. You’re not a slave and you should put your foot down before you really get burned out.
I have talked 2 my husband but he doesn’t listen!! He doesn’t understand anything n when I try 2 talk, he says ” I don’t know ” 2 everything or ” whatever ” I’m goin nuts!!! I can’t stand anyone or anything!he always works n he never pays any attention 2 me!! Work comes first!! Always has n always will!!! He would never put his plans on the back burner 4 me! His life doesn’t have a back burner!!!!
Get a babysitter and let your husband come home and see that you’re out. If he’s that selfish, you do what you gotta do to put your needs first for once. You’ll lose your mind entirely if you don’t act soon. Sometimes you gotta be swift and dramatic to get a man’s attention. I feel for you.
THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR HONESTY!!!! i am completely blown away by how courageous all of you are for admitting the feelings you have had and are having now. YOU are the people i have been wanting to talk to. all my friends who are mommies look frustrated and act frustrated almost all of the time and when i ask them how motherhood is they gush and gush about how it is the “best thing they have ever done”. really?! i’m not so sure.
growing up i always said that i never wanted kids. i’m not really sure why i didn’t want them…i just never had the deep desire to be a mom.
then, i married an AMAZING man who did want kids so i tried for him. i have had 3 miscarriages. each one was so sad and my heart still breaks. however, i have been wondering recently if maybe it was for the best. i don’t think i have the “mommy gene”. i’m really wondering if i would have ended up resenting the child and my husband. that thought alone brings tears to my eyes. i know that i would LOVE my kids if i had them but i also know that i would despise the life changes.
again, thank you to all you strong women for telling the TRUTH and for being REAL. i wish more people were like you.
I hate, hate, hate my life. I can’t stand having kids. I have twin girls who are 9 and a son who is 8. They suck the life out of me. I can’t stand them another minute. Why, why why did I have kids? For that matter, why did I even get married. Mistake, all huge mistakes. Why can’t I do a do-over
I hear you. I have 8 year old twin girls, a 5 year old girl and a 3 year old boy. I got mad at my mom the other day and said, “why didn’t you tell me what it’s REALLY like being a mom?” I hate it too. There are good days but mostly I can’t stand it. It wasn’t like this in the beginning but these past couple of years have been awful. The dirty diaper phase and sleepless nights were a blessing compared to the constant arguing, defiance, school issues, fighting with each other, etc, etc, etc. You’re definitely not alone. I want my career and freedom back!!!!
Holy shmolly, I only came here cause I was looking up advise for my sons behavior. I am a single mom, my son was not planned for, I have sacraficed everything for him, I love him to no ends, I am comfortablly poor, but my rent is paid, we eat good and even go out once a week. my gosh, I think many many woman here are very very depressed, I admit parenting can be hard, difficult, and annoying, but really the strongest level of disconnection is hurd that none of your needs are being met. Get creative, love your self, love God, let God love you, take care of you, see the beauty in the little things, be inspired with little things. Goodness, I can see the baby blues, I had that too, its super hard to get through, good days, bad days, but it gets better, the more you hate your self and hate your children the more hate you are creating in the world and the next generation. Your kids will all suffer from internal low self esteem. Get your bearings together, ……… Im so sad you are all so sad, and its horrible to see whats its going to do to the next generation of kids.
1-What “gets better”?
2-I am glad that you love this life of “sacrificing everything” and are happy. I hope you find the help and support for the behavior you were looking for.
3-Please accept that many mothers do NOT love sacrificing our whole life.
4-Please do not continue the LIE that having children is wonderful. For many women, it is the wrong choice!
Wow, bitter much?
“4-Please do not continue the LIE that having children is wonderful. For many women, it is the wrong choice!”
It is not a “LIE”, there are some people out there that *gasp* actually enjoy motherhood.
I’ll admit that it is difficult. It’s a difficult, demanding job. It’s not all smiles and sunshine. You deal with lack of sleep, cleaning up poop, being puked on or pissed on, dealing with a SCREECHING toddler that will not calm down in a public place… It’s is very very difficult.
You do not get a break from it, ever. You are on call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
Not everyone is cut out for it, and certainly not everyone is going to enjoy this kind of life. Those people, perhaps, should have considered something other than the typical life script. Nobody is FORCING you to have kids. We have all sorts of birth control options to prevent kids as well.
I disagree, however, that in having kids you must sacrifice who you are as a person. It may change, you may redefine yourself, but you are still an individual. You’re just an individual that has children now. Kids grow up, they stop needing you all the time. It is important to remember who you are during this time.
To people with toddlers: These years are short and fleeting. Before you realize it your 3 year old will be 8, and then 18. I hate to be blunt but suck it up. You signed up for this when you had kids, but this state of having to be constantly vigilant will pass. Enjoy your child. Enjoy his curiosity, her wispy hair against your cheek and the fact that he still needs mommy cuddles.
When you’re watching her car pull out of the driveway as he heads off to college you’ll wonder what happened…
I am so tired of the “enjoy them now, they grow up so fast” attitude. My response is always: “well, if you miss it so much, you are welcome to deal with my 1-year old who still gets up screaming at least once, ususally 2-3 times, during the night”.
NO MOTHER I have said this to honestly wants this life of sleep deprivation back. “I don’t miss that part”, or “you just miss the good times” has been a common answer.
Oh really? Well I wish other moms would stop telling me how much I will miss this, when they do NOT miss it themselves!!
I also want to say things like “I will gladly change shirts with you…I would love to wear a clean one. If you miss this so much, you can wear my shirt that has drool and crusty toddler food on it.”
Did anyone have a baby and think it would never grow up?? Does anyone really want to have a helpless baby that is 100% dependent on you for the rest of your life?? Really? You are suprised that your children actually grow, mature, and become adults? I can NOT understand why that is so shocking and sad!!!!!!!!
I’m a teen mom…Got pregnant when I was 17 and had the baby 4 days after my 18 birthday. He’s 20 months now. My parents wanted me to have an abortion but the other grandparents wanted me to keep him. My son is surrounded by so many people who love him…we live back and forth between grandparents houses. I don’t know if it makes it easier or harder to have the grandparents around all the time. They always have such WONDERFUL advice about how to parent. But yet I’m the only one who truly disciplines him… When he cries they take him away from me. It makes me feel horrible, like i’m a bad parent who can’t console my child. They’re constantly concerned about my schedule and all in my business… I go to school full time and I work part time. I appreciate living at home because when it comes down to it I NEED to live at home. I couldn’t afford to be on my own.
Everything about being a mother is overwhelming. How do you function properly when you can’t fall asleep until midnight or later?…then your sleep patterns are inconsistent between your sons waking up time and nightmares. And then you have the grandparents who wake up too at 3 am to try to help when really they just wake your son up even more…
The fact that I can’t afford to care for my child just makes me feel worse. It makes me feel like I have no choice but to let his grandparents have their way.
Its so upsetting to know that your son is so spoiled that he knows if he refuses to eat dinner, he’ll just get ice cream instead. I HATE IT OH MY GOSH….
I swear he could be so different if there were different circumstances… I regret having a baby so young. I should have thought it through more…=\
I think about giving up or running away all the time but then again his grandma may just beat me to it and run away with my son…you never know…she’s already jokingly mentioned it.
This website made me feel a lot better knowing that I’m not crazy for being an unhappy mother. I’m not the only one out there.Thanks.
day in and day out i have no idea how we can afford this child.
I agree with everyone and feel so much better 88% of the time I have to convince myself that I like being a mom, but in reality I’m just to scared to say I hate being a mom, I’m afraid if I say to anyone then something will happen to my son like god will say u don’t appreciate him so maybe I should take him away i feel terrible because some people would do anything for a child or even do anything for their children to just hug them like kids with autism or paralysis, but I have the most difficult son in the world, I can’t go out because he acts terrible (he’s four) when people come over he’s terrible even if it’s family and will throw himself into a wall or door, he never sleeps I have not slept since he was born I’m up now at six in the morning he just gets up for no reason and stays up he doesn’t take naps either, and the list can go on for miles, I cry many nights I’ll put him to bed at nine and he’ll be up until two in the morning just rolling around in bed and wake up at six it’s like he’s driven by a motor he’s never quiet either he’s running constantly or talking constantly I told my family I think he has ADHD but of course they beg to differ I have a bachelors in teaching and feel horrible becAuse I can control a whoke room of twos but not my four year old sin, every year I kept saying it’ll get better it’ll get better but it doesn’t, it’s gotten so bad that I would cry in the bathroom every night and I told my husband I couldn’t take it anymore he needs to go to school before I loose my mind sometimes I want to put my head through a wall or leave and never come back my husband says it’s easy staying home with a child but I can count on one hand how many times he’s changed a diaper or fed him I do everything he gets to go to work with his friends play pool and basketball and even take a bath or nap whenever he wants and sometimes I’m on the border line of hating him for making me go through all of this I think atleast twice a day this us not what I thought I would be doing with my life this is horrible it’s a nightmare, and he had the nerve to say he wants another kid! Little does he know my tubes will be tied within the next three months, that way I can remind myself everyday for the rest of my life never to have another child again unless I want to be a robot servant because that’s what I feel like I love my son dearly and would never wish him away but I would never do it again and I think and hope that by him going to school will help both of us because after four years I’m at the breaking point and if it were for me praying and going to church I would have literally gone crazy there were times I would get so stressed and angry my chest would hurt and I couldn’t talk and I would just pull my hair by the handful, this will never NEVER happen to me again after one child I will be getting my tubes tied whether my husband likes it or not
Me too! I’m getting my tubes tied, I wish more mothers could be honest about the reality of being a parent. I was under the impression for so long that being a mother would be difficult, but not to this extent. There are so many misconceptions of parenting and all of them have stabbed me right in back.
Wow, all I can say is DITTO. I HATE BEING A MOM. I love my daughter as a person but I think getting pregnant and staying at home is probably the worst decision I have ever made in my young life. I hate feeling like my brain is rotting and the LONELINESS!!! My husband is working full time and in school, we have one car and I am staying home so it’s like solitary confinement. I hate seeing my daughter smile and knowing I can’t smile back, or trying to force myself to be happy for her. The worst part is even if I could do something for myself to “get away,” now that I am a mom, it affects her so whatever move I make has consequences for her. I want her to have a good life. But I don’t want to be a martyr and feel like checking myself into an insane asylum if something doesn’t change. I feel so bad because I cried and cried wanting to get pregnant, finally did, and now I cry and cry because I have no life. I am exhausted. I hate that I haven’t gotten a night’s sleep in 7 months. I hate feeling like this, why can’t I just be HAPPY and love my job???!!! I was the person who judged all the working moms and thought staying home was the only “right” thing to do for your kids. WOW look who’s talking!! I am such a hypocrite. Anyone who judges us is either a man, or hasn’t had kids! Thanks everyone.
so much pain…loneliness and regret. as well, i feel shame and guilt. is this what it’ll be like for the rest of my life?
My baby is 4 months old and sometimes I feel like pulling out my hair… she is a very fussy baby and screams uncontrollably at times…nothing seems to calm her, even if I rock her in my arms and sing her a lullaby. I’m a stay at home mom and try my best to keep her happy but the more I do the less it helps. I don’t know if I’ve spoiled her and if thats the reason why she seems so unhappy. I wont say I hate being a mom but i do hate the fact that I don’t get out what I put in. I put her down whilst she was screaming just now because I felt like throwing her against the wall!!! (although I never would but still) Good luck to all you moms who are struggling with parenthood. I spoke to a older women the other day, she said “When I had my own kids I wanted to give them to the nearest stranger who would take them. Now that they are all grown up I honestly think of stealing someone else’s baby! ;-)LOL
You cannot spoil a baby. If you are feeding, clothing, and diapering, and making sure there is no illness, you are doing all the righ5t things. Babies cry… A LOT!!! Don’t be too hard on yourself. When you feel angry, put the baby down somewhere safe and go take a shower. Mommihood is riddled with guilt that we aren’t doing enough. And sometimes driven by hormones. But you cannot physically spoil a baby.
Thank you! I can understand your feelings so well! We were so happy when I got pregnant. We didn’t think it would ever happen for us. Then our daughter was born. She’s so fussy and an HMB (high maintance baby as my mom says). I love her I know and I have only spent 1 day away from her in her 10 months of life. My problems are mine I know because I do have a good husband that helps me. However there are days I wish and have even voiced to my husband that I wish we didn’t have her. What kind of person let alone mother says things like that? I just get so tired everyday of hearing her cry, being up all night, not being able to go to the bathroom alone. Then there are days I think my world would end if I didn’t have her. I feel like something is wrong with me and I don’t know what to do anymore. I dread going to bed because I know I will wake up to her. I’m a horrible mom
I love both my kids so very much yet sometimes wonder if the sacrifices were truly worth it. Why does his career flourish while mine gets put on hold? Why does he continue to get more and more credentialed while I become the blithering sleep deprived idiot who can no longer hold interesting adult conversation? We argue a lot about how his life essentially never changed while mine changed completely 1000%! There was never really any agreement about who would stay home it was just assumed I would be since in the beginning they did need me more. But now they are a little older and I would like my life back! Why can’t we switch places now, have him stay home for a bit while I go back to work? If having ‘one parent at home’ is so important, why doesn’t he want to do it? My old employer would love to have me back and I make a comparable income (we have the same degree)so it’s not like we’d have to take a step down financially. But the way he acts you’d think I was suggesting he cut off his male member….how do I DARE suggest I don’t want to spend all day at home? I am so angry now at him and it unfortunately affects everything else. The kids are non stop demanding with their needs,that’s how kid are. I try not to act like their slave, try to teach them to do for themselves but it is a long tiring process and I get so SICK of saying the same crap and over, applying consequences for actions, breaking up their little fights, stepping on yet again another broken toy. Is this really to be my whole existance? I really do feel like a part of me was broken off and thrown away sometimes.
Can someone please tell me what I should do if I can’t STAND only one of my 4 kids. She is impossible and at 8 gives me such an attitude and makes my other kids’ lives hell. I’m strict and organized, so please please please don’t say discipline. It’s just that she has somewhat of special needs (something similar to ADD) and even with getting help and all, it’s still horrible. I just don’t know what to do. Like I said I have 3 others so I’m well aware of kids behavior issues, but this one is from another planet. If I only had her, I would have left. But I do think of my other children and my husband. God, I really need help.
Of course, being the good mom that you are, you are already trying to get your daughter help for her issues. Does she get help at school, from therapists outside of school, doctors/specialists? (whaever you can afford and have time for). Have you looked into support for yourself also? organizations like http://www.chadd.org? Or are there other sources of support for parents in situations like yours? We moms need that kind of support, even with “normal” kids….with additional issues to deal with – I can’t imagine…I hope you get a break from her soon.
Thanks Dailygrind,
Yes, my daughter is getting so much help, EVERY imaginable help from therapists, school, siblings, me, my husband. I’ve read EVERY book on the subject, gotten 3rd, 4th opinions, you name it. My mission in life is all about accepting she’s different and helping her cope. She can be so wonderful at moments, then she flips on a dime. We are all on eggshells around her. Support for myself is definitely a good idea. I’ve thought of it, I just have to make the time and find the right place. Thanks.
hi everyone!finally found a website with moms like me.i never liked having a baby but i just went crazy and got pregnant.thinking that it was all i wanted.i thought about my baby all the time while pregnant.the fun and joy.but once she was born i saw the REALITY.i have become an emotional eater.nothing fits me.i have become a maid.clean up.take care of a VERY naughty baby.cook.i regret it all and wish i could turn back time.i have no help so its all me me me.i hate myself and my life.
can you put the child up for adoption or give to a family member? i tried to but the father won’t allow it.
mmmm… i dont think its fair.
Wow, suggesting adoption seems really harsh. But if the child can stay with grandparents/relatives for a week or so (or even a month), that may not be a bad idea.
If you just had your baby recently, give it some time. Things will get easier once he/she is old enough to go to daycare. I hear you and feel for you but with only 1 kid, there’s hope:) My advice is to make sure you don’t make your whole life about the baby or housework. Have a job, even if it’s part time, go to the gym and take the time to take care of yourself. Find something that makes you feel good about yourself. And you are under no obligation to be a maid to your husband. You already have a kid and it’s time for him to grow up too and at least not put extra pressure on you (not to mention actually help you).
my life has become miserable. i have so many problems that are not solvable.they are all my fault or fate.cant do anything coz i dont have anyone to babysit my daughter.i just ruined my life.i wish i could turn back time and never get married in the first place.i gave up everything i had because i was madly in love.now i have nothing but a husband and a child.i buried all just for my selfish heart.
got one more thing to say. we women are MADDDDDDDDD to put up with men and kids at the same time.i dont know why god put all the pressure on us.He has made us believe that we are blessed! OH PLEASE!we are just maids for men.to clean up after them.cook for them.give them kids.take care of their kids.all the responsibilities are on us.the basic regret is i hate being a FEMALE!!!!
I know some people will be offended by this, and I’m very sorry, but I honestly think anyone with that impression chose the wrong man to be with. My husband spoils me to death. He does most of the work at home by far, and never complains. We have a fantastic relationship as we are right now. But one of the many many reasons I have decided not to have kids is that I know myself, I know I’m lazy and he would end up doing all the work, and then HE would hate ME. I could never do that to him. It would be poison to our relationship. Your husbands should have been mature enough to foresee all the hard work you would have to put in and at the very least be willing to help. To not realize that fact is to go through life with blinders on.
I am 36 and trying to decide if my husband and I should try for a child.
I am a teacher so I know the reality of how frustrating kids can be, but that’s a far cry from being a parent, which is a 24/7 job.
After reading through the posts on this site, I noticed MANY women said they wish that other mothers had been realistic and been honest about what the REALITY is of being a mother.
So here’s your chance….I am asking all of YOU to be honest with ME.
Do I take the plunge into motherhood? Why or why not? What does no one tell you about motherhood that you think I should know now before I make my decision?
TIA!
It depends on what reasons you’re doing it for. If you leave your husband it will be doubly more difficult for you because you’ll be venturing not only into parenthood but into single parenthood. Are you ready for that?
It will be on you and only you to be the breadwinner as well as the mommy. You will not have the option of staying home or splitting the financial burden with someone else.
What is the reality of being a mother? Well I guess I’ll give you a day in the life of one.
I’m a stay at home mom. The only reason that I get to be a stay at home mom is that my husband has a high stress job that is 80% travel. It’s a compromise he had to take because he believes (as do I) that one parent should be the primary caregiver and not a daycare. I have a 2 and a half year old with “high sensory needs” and language delays and a nearly 4 month old baby.
The big kid wakes up at 5:30 (it used to be 6:30 but the clocks went back). He’s a good boy but he’s still too young to be left rule of the house while I stay in bed, so I get up too. The baby usually likes to sleep until 8 or 9:00 but that is not typical. When my big kid was a baby he would only sleep in 2 hour stretches.
Anyway so now I’m up at 5:30 with my 2 and a half year old. As I mentioned before, he has “high sensory needs”. Basically that means he’s not on the autism spectrum but he does like to stimulate himself all the time. Be that running around, making noise, banging on things etc. He has boundless amounts of energy.
I have given him strict boundaries that he has to operate within but the kid is 2, he’s going to break the rules. So from the moment he wakes up he spends all day pushing me, seeing what he can get away with etc. I’m consistent and I spank him when he’s bad but I think this will continue for a while.
In the time between 5:30 and 8 I make my big kid breakfast and change his diaper at least once (he’s learning to use the potty but he still refuses to poop in it). Then I take a 5 minute shower because I can’t operate if I’m dirty. After the shower I’ll do some chore like dishes (we have no dish washer) or laundry or a quick mop of the floors because something inevitably gets spilled while I’m occupied in the shower. I also sit down and pump 5 – 10oz of milk (that can take half an hour). Somewhere in there I’ll shove a nutra-grain bar in my mouth for breakfast.
By the time that’s done and I’m dressed the baby is up. So I get the baby up and change him then sit down and feed him. During this my 2 year old is following me, pulling on my legs, getting into everything and having to be told “no” two dozen times.
Once the baby is fed he usually goes back to sleep, which is my cue that it’s time for the older one to take a nap. He has to be forced to take a nap because if he doesn’t nap he’s a little shit in the afternoon. By forced I mean I have to put him in his bed and sit there with him until he’s asleep then sneak away.
Most of the time I sit in the rocking chair with the baby sleeping on me.
It takes an hour for my 2 year old to fall asleep. Once he’s asleep the baby is awake so I’ll take him down stairs and play with him, change him a couple more times, probably get puked on and have to change my shirt, probably feed him once. An hour to two hours later my 2 year old is up and wants lunch.
I go get him, change him, make him lunch. (bear in mind that when I change the 2 year old I have to put the baby in his crib because no where else is safe for him right now. He hates his crib and screams but I have no choice at the moment).
Now that the 2 year old has lunch I can make my own lunch. Cue another screaming fit from the baby because he has to be put down while I make lunch.
I come back into the open plan dining / living room and sit down, boppy pillow across my legs, supporting the nursing baby with one arm, lunch (usually a sandwich) in the other hand.
Now that lunch is done we can do some sort of activity. On nice days we go to the park or go outside and play. On crappy days it’s a movie or colouring or something. Nothing really holds the 2 year old’s attention for very long though and I can’t take him out in public because I can’t corral the both of them. If I need to get some shopping or errands done I have someone watch him.
Supper is around 4:30 – 5:00. I don’t eat at this time so it’s just the kid that eats while I do a few chores like put the washing in the dryer, wipe spills off the couch (not so much any more because he’s been pretty good with keeping spills in the vicinity of the table), pick up clutter that sort of thing. The baby of course has to eat and be changed and will probably spit up on me again a few times.
After supper (about 2 hours after supper) I put the baby down (more screaming) and give my oldest a bath, get him in PJ’s, read him a story and out him to bed. Then I go scoop up the wailing baby and retreat into the basement where he eats some more to calm himself then passes out on me. I slowly lay him down somewhere to sleep.
By 8:30 both of them are asleep. If my husband is local this is around about the time he usually comes home. We very quietly make dinner together then eat it in the basement so the big kid can’t hear us. After all’s said and done (dinner made, eaten and dishes done) it is now 9:30.
I’m exhausted because I’ve been going since 5:30 and he’s exhausted because he’s been up since at least 5 if he’s caught the commuter train into the city so we just kind of veg and watch TV (or “other activities” if we’re both in the mood for it) until maybe 10:00… then I kiss my husband that I’ve only seen for 2 and a half hours today goodnight, collect the baby and go to bed.
If my husband is not home because he’s on travel I’ll eat and just go to bed at like 9 because, like I said, I’m exhausted.
Now bear in mind all this is from a stay at home mom. Your life would be much different than mine because you have a job and daycare AND your house to worry about.
Oh god sorry I read your post wrong (am writing this at 6 am).
Since you’re NOT planning on leaving your husband it should be easier on the both of you. But let me tell ya, it’s a strain on the marriage. You have to keep stepping back and looking at the ‘big picture’ so as not to get resentful about the day to day.
I have 2 kids ages 4 and 1. Read through the other posts above yours to get an idea of how stressful parenthood is. My suggestion is to not have children unless you are absolutely certain that you want this life. If you have any doubts, reservations, uncertainties…what are your reasons for wanting to have a child? This is not like buying something and then changing your mind and returning it. Having kids is a permanant, life-altering decision that will affect every aspect of your life, relationship, job/money, future….it changes the course of your life.
JUST A FEW of the things I wish I knew before I had kids:
1-the physical toll pregnancy and birth take on your body. My 2nd baby was big and I needed a ton of stitches. It was so painful for a long time! I continue to have problems with incontinence and sex. I had post-partum physical therapy (yes, there is such a thing) and have been referred to a specialist to try to help these problems (possible surgery). I would like to be able to hold my pee and go on the toilet instead of leaking all day (you asked for honesty!)
2-The sleep deprivation almost kills you. I thought I could go on little sleep, I did it in college during finals. But this is MONTHS of sleep deprivation and total physical exhaustion.
3-Your relationship with your husband will be stressed, tested, and forever changed.
4-Although you will love them, sometimes you will not like your kids very much and will love getting away from them.
5-If you stay at home, the LONLINESS is horrible. I want to go back to work soon because I miss being an adult, wearing nice clothes, talking to other adults, actually sitting down to eat lunch (even if I eat at my desk, it will be less stressful than what I do every day at home).
6-How boring the daily grind of motherhood is, and what a thankless job it is. The day-in-the-life of Meg (posted above) is very similar to mine.
That’s my honest answer…hope it helps.
thanks for your comment.i know i am responsible for what i decided… but i feel frustrated at times that t cant go wherever or do whatever i want. im an active person but now i have gained 15 pounds AFTER delivery.i hadnt gained any fat during pregnancy. i was always on the go.having fun and exercising.now im fat.nothing fits.i tried a million times to lose weight.i did succeed but midway.
i dont have anyone to babysit my daughter so its just me me me.my husband helps but by the time he comes home its dark.(winter is near it gets dark early).i tried losing weight online with others out there but nobody replies to me.
i wish there was someone to lose weight with.im sure i would succeed.
there is an negagement coming up 25 nov,my daughter’s b’day is on 22 december and a wedding in jan.i want to look and FEEL proud of myself!
After my 4th I did a medical weight loss program. No surgery or anything like that. They just put me on protein bar and shakes diet and I lost 2-3lbs of FAT a week. Not easy I will tell you, and cost me about $200 a week, but well worth it. You just have to be seriously committed. Google it and read about it. You go on a 800-1000 calorie diet and can only eat the stuff they give you. My mom lost 25lbs too.
Well obviously you see here that being a mom is not peaches n cream. I’m frustrated a lot with 4 kids, but just now I saw my 3 year old doing this adorable dance and my heart smiled. I fantasize about what my life would be without kids, but then I know I’d forever wonder (if not regret) not having them. If you’re a teacher, you meet a lot of parents. Sometimes their faces look like they are going to explode from anger and misery, sometimes they glow with pride when they see their kids artwork. It’s really a personal choice. There is no “test” to predict how you will feel once you’ve had kids. Also, if you have a kid, with a teacher’s schedule and benefits, you will have the best of both worlds. Enough maternity, enough time away from the kid, no crazy work hours, etc.
If you aren’t positively,one hundred percent sure, and have to consult a website…DO NOT HAVE A CHILD!!!!! It’s an all-or-nothing proposition in which a little person takes over your entire life,body, and soul with his/her endless wants and needs. Once you are a mom, YOU ARE A MOM FOR LIFE!!!!!
Is that really what you want?
daniela, its a tough question.i always thought ill hate having kids of my own before getting married.but after 2 years of marriage i really wanted to have one of my own.thibking of all the good things a baby can bring with it… well its hard from the start.if you want to have a baby ,you have to learn to sacrifice and be patient.none of us are getting younger and doctors advise getting pregnant before 39.. you know all the risks for you and baby… so its now or never…
I love my kids but my husband has me hating this life!! He is never home n I’m always here with the kis, I don’t get a break n he doesn’t help around the house! He never takes the trash off n never mows the grass. When he is home he sitd on his butt n watches tv! I can’t let go of all his cheating still n I just can’t be happy! I hate that he has givin me a life that I wish when I go 2 sleep, that I don’t wake up! I have anxiety disorder, PTSD, n depression, this is not the way I thought my life would turn out!! I had a crappy childhood, I was also adopted, n told myself my kids would always feel loved but how can I make them feel loved when all I feel is hate n saddness?