Hate being a mom
Posted by Ann in Hate on Feb 21st, 2009 | 2,270 commentsI am depressed. I hate being a mom. I also hate being a stay at home mom too!
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I am depressed. I hate being a mom. I also hate being a stay at home mom too!
i don’t think you hate being a mom, i think it’s just that things are not like you’d thought they would be…this is not the movies, it’s called life…get a grip and deal with reality. i you really hate being a mom vs. what i just said, you need to place your child(ren) with a family member or someone who will take good care of them instead of brooding. cause if there is one thing i know: “if momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy”
If she says she hates being a mom, she probably does and it’s not anybody else’s place to tell her otherwise.
I suspect many women who are moms don’t like it. Many women are pressured into motherhood by family members, friend, partners, and society at large. Many still see it as part of a life scripts, just something they’re supposed to do. Others simply get pregnant and then don’t do anything about it.
I think that the sexist expectation that all women should be mothers, that all of us will enjoy it has to end and the right to control our reproduction and life choices must be affirmed before any progress can be made in making motherhood better for those who choose it.
I sometimes feel the same way. I am a stay at home mom, and my husband is in the army. I’m here 24/7 because I have to be, I get time to go out sometimes. But ultimately I know I’m mom and dad when he’s gone. I’m pregnant now, and have always worked except for the last 7 months, I hate it. I’ve decided the week after I give birth I’m going to find a job, you should think about it, even if it doesn’t pay much. If you anticipate trouble paying for daycare, go to your local county office and see if there’s some kind of assistance. You know soon after becoming a stay at home mom–if it’s for you or not. It’s just not for you. Talk to your husband about it.
Quayshah,
Don’t tell her how she feels. She says she hates being a mom. That means she hates being a mom. Yes, it is possible.
ol…so here it is. GO TO YOUR DOCTOR. You are most likely suffering from post partum depression. This can so easily be fixed!!
I suffer from post partum…Chinese herbs your exhausted darl….vitamins,relaxation..meditation music believe me it works…
Yeah, being a mom royally sucks sometimes. I love my little guy, but I didn’t know things would be like this. I hate it when people say you knew what you were getting into blah blah blah. Those are people who don’t have kids. You never know what you’re getting into. My little one had health issues and, by necessity, I am mostly a SAHM who now has a part-time job. I sometimes have to just put my baby in the crib and cry. And I’m sick of hearing about PPD. I’m on Zoloft. I’ve had that conversation. It’s just that when women become mothers, it seems we’re not allowed to have independent identities anymore. And I don’t want to hear how selfish we are. Our husbands are apparently allowed to have their own identities/lives. I personally feel like I died when this baby was born. I hate being a mom, too, but I LOVE my son. There’s a lot of b.s. that goes with being a mom 24/7 and anyone who says they love being a mom all the time…either they’re on some gooood drugs or they’re one of those crazy Stepford sub-human women. Don’t sweat it.
85% of new mums report feeling high levels of anxiety on a regular basis. 75% say they sometimes feel “ambivalent” about their babies. What we call “post natal depression” is simply a normal reaction to a combination of physical pain, fatigue and the fact that your life has been turned upside down by a screaming, needy baby and you can never go back to the way things were. Having a baby is HARD WORK. Don’t feel ashamed to admit it. It is completely normal to feel overwhelmed.
What you need is someone to help you with the kids. Someone to take them off your hands once in a while. Who? A mother, a sister, a friend, another mother. You guys can switch. One day a week, you take care of yours and her kids, and she takes care of them another day. And that way you have one full day free for you and your husband, or friends – And I know even that could be stressful.
I guess it’s important to remember and realise why you got kids to begin with. What is their purpose? What plans do you have for them. Everyone knows kids are good for procreation.. yata yata. Ok what else? Well think. When you die, who’s going to remember you? Who’s going to say remember when (name) did this? Who’s going to pray for you constantly? Who’s going to give charity and do good things on your behalf? Unless your some famous person, and even then, the answer is no one, but your kids. So yes, they make our lives horrible, but in the end, our legacy is in their hands. We might not have had the strength to change the world. But we can raise them with the hope that they will. That they will be leaders one day. And people will say, you know they’re like that because their mother was a righteous woman. I know you’re suffering, and suffocating. But you will be rewarded. At least in Islam! Islam teaches that heaven is under the feet of the mother. Your children will have to serve and honor you, and never can they repay you for the trouble you are going through. Islam recognizes this pain. But those around you should be there to help ease it. And never will your pain go unseen or unrewarded!
Also time. Give it time. Things will get better if God wills!
salam alikom,I’m 24 yr old mom tht had by god’s plan 2 babies in the same yr…I was very touched by wt you wrote,and i have to agree tht’s very true!
yeah u r so true
why would ya guys bitch about being a mom or parents? dont you have hearts? being a mom & having babies is wonderful. it’s actually the best feeling you’ll get. you guys dont deserve to be your kids’ mothers if that’s the case! you should love your kids more than anything else in the world & should love to spend more time with them. You shouldn’t have gotten pregnant in the first place! you moms s*ck!
Get over yourself. Just because we make a sacrifice and a decision to take on the role of being a mother, doesn’t mean that it isn’t hard and that most of the time it isn’t very fulfilling.
I know what your saying but everyone is different and some mums go through LOTS of emotional changes..ItS good there expressing it…I know its not idealic to have those feeling but you either express it on here or YELL at your kids..Give em a break HUMAN beings needd to be supportive and guide each other for a better future..
What drugs are you on? Pass some my way.
To never, ever, ever, *EVER* resent being a mother, to never feel overwhelmed, to never suffer from the blues, to never miss your life pre-children… how LUCKY you are to live in perfect, motherly bliss every hour of every day.
Get real. That, or lay off the prescription drugs. Being a mother is not always peaches and you know that.
God will not give you a gift if it’s not meant for you. children are gifts from God. you should love them every single day. love your being a mom & all responsibilities that go with it. it may be the hardest job on earth but the most rewarding!
Why are you lying? You obviously hate being a mom, or else you wouldn’t be here. List the ‘rewards’ of parenting. I dare you to try to find five.
You are not alone. I don’t know your circumstances or what is causing your depression. I just want you to know that there are other moms out here that feel the same way and support whatever it is that you have to do in order to feel better. I hate being a mom too. My child brings 99% heartache and 1% joy. My son is not my biolgical child, I adopted him when he was three with my husband. My son has emotional disturbance. He is diagnosed with ADHD, Oppositional Defiance Disorder, Mood Disorder, and Reactive Attachment Disorder. He is 7, and has to be placed in special ed. because he gets angry at everything and takes it out on other kids and things at school like hitting, biting, yelling, pushing, slapping, refusing to obey, etc. I have heard more advice from well intenioned people than I care to mention. I’ve tried almost every parenting approach possible over the last 4 years to help him. He not only sees a behavioral/mental health pediatrician but also a specialized counselor. In addition- I am a first grade teacher (I love kids), and have a background in special education and helping kids with autism. It does not matter how much training you have when you are living with a challenging child 24-7. You lose yourself, friends, and anything that you once found enjoyable because you constantly worry about your child and other people don’t want to be around him. I have had to resort to medication for myself because the stress was hurting me emotionally and physically. I know that I am not a bad mother. In fact, even though I feel this way, I have been told that I am a good mother by just about everyone. As for your child being you legacy, that is a lot of responsibility for them. I just hope that my son will not turn out to be a criminal. To top everything else off, I’ve figured out that I have spent about 10,000 on daycare, treatment, doctors, counselors, and medicine over the past three years on my son. His biological mother feels that she does not have to contribute anything financial eventhough she is mostly responsible for his problems! For the past three months I have been trying to figure out a way to get out of this hell that I am in. I love my husband, but I hate being a mom. I don’t know if I would feel the same if he were my biological child. All I know is that I have poured my heart and soul into this little boy and am completely drained. I don’t think that I would have the energy for a child of my own, and am now completely scared that mine could have problems too. For instance,this morning he was sneaking food again and hiding it under the couch, then he urinated all over the living room floor in front of the tv because he said he was too lazy to go to the bathroom. I’m just too tired, and want to say its ok that you are feeling the way that you are. You have your reasons. Get whatever help you need, not all of us are earth mothers or believers in that God gives you what you can handle. Usually that advice comes from people that have no idea what it is like to live with a child that can scream for 5 hours straight, bite, and destroy everything in your home. Judge you situation for yourself, and ask whoever criticizes you to try walking a mile in your shoes. To all of the mothers that have responded before me, I would be happy to watch all of your children for a month if you could handle mine for just one afternoon. And no… we all didn’t realize what we were getting into. Sometimes good intentions can have really shitty results.
You are doing a good job despite the fact he is not yours. Many people say it will get better in time but when your living in hell you want it to be better now! I hope you remain strong and I hope his behaviour will improve x
my heart really aches for you. i cannot imagine what you are going through. i have two healthy children and I curse my days and nights. although i cannot ‘fake the funk’ and make myself believe that I like motherhood, I have to say that reading your post will give me pause throughout the day. i’m an atheist so i won’t give you any god talk. you have a very hard life and i wish you all the peace you can possibly find. you sound like a really good person. thank you for posting.
lovebeingamom- you’re the sick one if you think that all women who have children should relish it like you and that having babies, in any situation, should never be viewed as anything but simply wonderful. Many women who get pregnant..(some thru no fault of their own, like failing birth control or refusal of their partners or family to support a decision of abortion or adoption) are not meant to be mothers! Why the fuc@ does society keep pimping this ideal that because you have a vagina you must spit out a kid and love every minute of it. Women like you disgust me!!! Google “i hate being a mom” and you’ll see there are some great mothers out there…including myself…who love their children….but just hate being a mother…..if you don’t understand, (which any idiot could tell from your post that you wouldn’t), just read the posts with an open heart instead of like a judgemental bitch and maybe just maybe you will have a little compassion and understanding of the plight of many of these women.
amen! thank you-
Oh stop being an a**hole.
These good and truthful women here on this thread are doing a brave thing by admitting to themselves and others that this crap aint all it’s cracked up to be.
I am being HOUNDED to have a baby by Mother-in-law, friends, family…you name it, and reading this blog makes me feel like I have truly dodged a bullet.
THANK YOU good Mom’s out there for telling it like it is, and warning people like me what to really expect so we can make well thought out decisions.
Hang in there…for what it’s worth, I appreciate you.
For all moms having a rough time and may even hate being a mom- the name of the site is called BellaOnline
Hi. Thanks for sharing your honest feelings. It helps mothers to know they are not alone. I’m a Christian and I had my child because I was taught that it was wrong to have an abortion. I love my son. He is so beautiful. But I hate being a mother. I’m a single mother with very little support. It’s really hard. Everyone feels for the children but no-one cares for the mothers. We have to put on this fake facade of being a contented mother when inside we’re miserable. I’ve never felt so judged and unappreciated. I have strangers coming up to me and criticising me because my child is throwing a tantrum or because he’s misbehaving. It makes me hate being a mum because I can’t even take my child out, afraid of what people will think of me. No one ever judges the men. The men can do whatever they want. A man does one little thing for their child and they’re a big hero. Women are just expected to do everything without any complaint. I was doing well for a while but I just can’t keep it up. I’m going to a counsellor soon so I hope that helps. This world is a cold harsh place where everyone wants to blame mothers for everything. It’s very hard to love and encourage someone else when you don’t get it yourself. Telling a mother they should just love their child because they’re so blessed to have them doesn’t help. It’s just pious pharisee talk. Mourn with those who mourn. In other words, show some empathy.
I understand what you guys are going through.. We all love our kids to bits but being a mum is the hardest thing I have ever done and some days I just don’t feel like being a mum but I know that I have too! It’s even harder I think being an older mum (prob some younger mums will disagree!!) because you are so set in your ways.. I think for me the lack of sleep is the hardest… My LO is 2 and we still get broken nights sleep coz of teeth etc. Remember ladies they use sleep deprivation as a form of torture so no wonder we feel like we feel! It’s good to know that other people feel the same – that in itself to me is a comfort coz otherwise you feel like the most ungrateful woman and biggest bitch in the world! I have decided for me to now put my LO in nursery 3 mornings a week so that I have some time for me – if only to clean the house and recharge my batteries!! Hang in there girlfriends it will get better XX
[quote comment="4166"]Hi. Thanks for sharing your honest feelings. It helps mothers to know they are not alone. I’m a Christian and I had my child because I was taught that it was wrong to have an abortion. I love my son. He is so beautiful. But I hate being a mother. I’m a single mother with very little support. It’s really hard. Everyone feels for the children but no-one cares for the mothers. We have to put on this fake facade of being a contented mother when inside we’re miserable. I’ve never felt so judged and unappreciated. I have strangers coming up to me and criticising me because my child is throwing a tantrum or because he’s misbehaving. It makes me hate being a mum because I can’t even take my child out, afraid of what people will think of me. No one ever judges the men. The men can do whatever they want. A man does one little thing for their child and they’re a big hero. Women are just expected to do everything without any complaint. I was doing well for a while but I just can’t keep it up. I’m going to a counsellor soon so I hope that helps. This world is a cold harsh place where everyone wants to blame mothers for everything. It’s very hard to love and encourage someone else when you don’t get it yourself. Telling a mother they should just love their child because they’re so blessed to have them doesn’t help. It’s just pious pharisee talk. Mourn with those who mourn. In other words, show some empathy.[/quote]
I agree 100% with you. I am in a similar situation in that I do not like being a mom although I love my daughter. My baby had colic and would scream for 6-8 hours straight each night. She would start around 6 or 8 pm and not stop until midnight or 3am. Everyone would talk about how hard that must be for the baby but failed to acknowledge what the experience was like for me. Everyone expects me to care for a child while owning my own business (which equates to working 40+hours a week.) And sees the fact of her still waking up every 3 hours to eat eventhough she is 7 months old as being something that comes with the territory of motherhood. If my husband gets up with her one night then everyone is applauding him. Yet for me it is expected. He wanted kids more then I did! I love my husband but seeing how so much is expected from me and so little is expected from him is tearing me apart. I am ready to walk out and leave. I will still care for my baby but that way the responsibility would finally be EQUAL.
you sound very selfish and insecure and should’ve been taking the pill.
You know whats the best part of having kids is?
Making them
I can totally relate to hating being a mom. Not that I hate being the mother of my son, who I love. It’s that I hate everything else that comes with it. My husband disappears to “do work” on the computer and leaves me to do the majority of the work, which I won’t put up with. I have become the nagging woman I can’t stand. Not to mention that almost every mother I know has become a complete fat ass, often because they’re so depressed that it’s their only comfort, not to mention that in many cases they’re made to feel bad for “taking time from the kids” and that they’re a bad mother. I work 40 hours a week, which feels like a vacation compared to staying home and picking up after 2 people besides myself. It pretty much sucks and I can’t wait to get back to work on Tuesday.
April, one never knows until you’ve walked a mile in another’s shoes!
I am going to be as blunt as I can be because I keep putting myself down for feeling this way…
I am up at 11:30pm- this is the only time to myself. I can’t sleep and I am depressed that I hate being a Mom too. I never expected the problems! Anti-depressants are not an option. I’ve tried increasing exercise.
Long story short– We tried for several years;many miscarriages. And at age 49 we had our child. I had NO idea that this would be the hardest experience! Our child is now 2.8years; my husband & I differ on discipline. She is very self determined and whines when Dad comes home constantly. It is worse to me than finger nails on a chalk board. Don’t tell me we need counseling — my husband will said, “you pick a counselor and I will go”. I’ve gone & its come to leaving because of the increased hostility. His life is almost as it use to be and he goes off on weekends hunting, fishing, etc. I would love to have the mental health breaks he takes. As a couple we don’t work together much less treat each other the same. We use to be a pretty dynamic couple. Maybe it was my illusion. She sees our poor communication. You know the rest of the story. I’ve been a professional for many years. Lost my job 8 months after she was born. I know he resents the loss of good income-he’s a competent professional, but I think he got use to not having to be so financially responsible. I am cut out for some of these, but not all: constant cleaning, directing,cooking, mowing the lawns, grocery shopping, bill paying, Dr. appts, & disorganized days. It is far easier to work than to run a household. I somehow try to focus most on helping our daughter learn, grow into a flourishing grownup. If it was just raising her without the relationship deterioration — maybe I would be able to handle the days better. I’ve seriously thought I made a huge mistake.
Then put your baby or toddler or whatever on Daycare and get a job. Problem solved! And stop feeling sorry for yourself. You knew the situation you were getting into when you got pregnant. Don’t get pregnant again if you feel this way.
You know what i hate? I hate it when someone makes a statement like this and everyone does the ” boo hoo get a life” answer. I love being a stay-at-home-mom, what i don’t like is the fact that I’ve become a boring nanny/maid to my husband. I never have new stuff to say, so he isn’t interested in listening to what i have to say. Money is his money, so I can’t buy him anything b/c it’s wasteing his money. I don’t have friends anymore, b/c again they aren’t interested in what i did with the kids or how i cleaned or boo boo’s i mooched. So it becomes that everyday I am waiting for my husband to come home because i miss him and want adult conversation, so I dress up and put on a little makeup so i can look nice for him. Then instead it’d be a phone call saying he’s heading to the movies with a couple of friends, or he’s on the phone since the minute he walks in the door, or he says that he just wants to sit at the computer. So i’ll stay up and wait for some kind of interaction. Kids go to bed.. still waiting… 2am finally we go to bed. So then i try to get interested in the same stuff he is just to interact with him.. but sometimes you get sick of playing video games EVERY night.
You say,”.. well put your kids into daycare, blah blah blah…” Well when your husband makes only enough to cover rent andmoney problems dwelling… it’s kinda hard to find the funds to do it. I need to work, so that we can get ahead, but i can’t afford to work just to pay for childcare. So then i’m at home.
So yea if i say i hate being an at home mom, don’t put it down until you’ve been exactly where I or even that person is in their life. Sometimes you just want to know that you aren’t the only one in the universe who feels that way. Excuse me while i get the kids ready for bed, and clean the house so that when my husband gets home his friends are coming over, then they are going out to see a movie that I also would like see.
I hate being a mom! I don’t know if its the sleep deprivation or the post pardom.. but I friggim HATE this SH!T!!! I get no sleep. and have to take care of a house and child all by myself!! no friends and family to help me out. my husband works long hours and only comes home to sleep and then he’s gone again. we don’t even sleep in the same room! I’m trapped in the bedroom with the baby and he gets all the uninterupted sleep he wants in the spare room! we PLANED this baby! however I did not plan on it ending up this way!! I use to look down and judge women in the position I’m in! I didn’t even want kids!! my husband wanted a baby. so to make my husband happy. we had her. now I wish I stuck to my guns and said NO!!! I don’t hate this baby. I love her. she’s a cutie. but to say that I never feel angry that I’m stuck with her all the time for every cry, scream, feeding, changing, & bathing! would be a bold faced lie! my life sucks now! I can’t do anything I want. and yes that sounds selfish. but I miss being an adult!! I’m just overwhelmed with baby baby baby everything!! I almost want to start drinking in the day just so I can relax and take the edge off!! that or start doing drugs! maybe start popping pills! sh!t I don’t know… I just know I’m unhappy. and would rather kill myself than cause any harm to my baby or give her up. I acctually do feel like killing myself somedays!…. I wish I knew a way out of this.. I didn’t know it would be THIS hard. I only had a general Idea of what I was getting into. the finer details NO ONE shared with me are the ones that are kicking my ass! and I’m also sick and tired of other strainger mommys poppin in with their 2 cents laughing and saying yeah that’s normal. soon you’ll want another one. bull! I’m getting my tubes tied and ripped out of my body!!… I guess I deserve this.. it is my own personal hell…
done: just wanted to say i love your words here and you sound like me talking. i just don’t have the energy to think straight to type so descriptively. my TWINS have ruined my life but i love them. i adore them, and every night after they go to bed (until the first middle of the night screamfest, that is) i look through my phone at all the pictures or videos that I took of them that day because i just am so in love with them, i love to see their faces. i had no idea you could feel both things (love for the children and utter hatred for the job) simultaneously. my life is OVER OVER OVER. my six-figure career and all of my professional and some personal friends are GONE. don’t anyone tell me i need to make more time for myself/take care of myself, etc. Anyone who says that to me just proves how totally clueless they are about what it takes to be a SAHM. There is NO time for that!!!! I too am so PISSED that so many people in my life did not give the specific information on all the little things that are kicking my ass. i am still trying to find out if anyone in my life actually hates being a mom or wishes she had not had so many children but was just afraid to say it and when i find out i’m going to talk to them about it it. I will NOT make the same mistake to the next person who comes along who asks me advice and I am so DONE cooing and oohing and ahhing over babies. I’m not mean or heartless, but my new tone is more factual and real and merely polite. And for gods sake: the next time you see a set of cute twins at the mall dressed the same in a big double stroller, think of me. Because it could be me pushing that stroller thinking “these people have NO IDEA how frickin hard this is. stop telling me how blessed i am. i hate it”. my husband got his vasectomy within 3 months of these babies and I they are a year now and i have never been so sure of anything in my life. you could not pay me millions of dollars to have another kid.
venting feels good. thanks.
I hear ya! I hate, hate, hate BEING a mom. I hate every moment of it and that I have to put on a happy face because I can’t tell anyone how much I dislike this part of my life.
I have an incredible husband is helpful, supportive and just fed up with the kids too – we adopted two children who are now 8 and 10.
I don’t enjoy being around their NEEDINESS and BEING a mom. I love my kids, but it I wish I never adopted.
It has NOTHING to do with them being adopted, as I helped raise my Godson for 7 years and I NEVER felt like this with him. I enjoyed being with him and I still do. He is now 12.
For those who try to paint a “oh, they are just blessings to all of us, enjoy every moment” – what are you smoking? Are you the ones who life completely revolves around your kids? You will crumble when you are no longer the center of their world.
I applaud those who wrote truth. Thank you for giving me the courage to stand up and say “we love our kids, but we hate the JOB!”
Anyone ever hated a job before? This is a JOB…
hang in there, ladies. I am trying.
To all you people commenting on this as well as the person whom originated this comment saying how you hate being a mom? SHAME ON YOU! I Would never say that and I have three kids of my own ranging from 16 and barely driving and could careless if he graduates to a 13 year old hormonal daughter who is a utter witch on a daily bases as well as a six year old feisty red head who hates homework… Yes, it is allot of “work” and at most times very stressful but I would never ever say I hate being a mom…. it just shows how selfish you are and how you want all the time in the world for you and you only….. you should have thought of that before having kids……Pathetic!
Oh and for all you “stay at home moms whom bitch about how the husband works all these hours while you clean and wipe asses and they get all the freedom to come and go and never have to wake up at night with the baby? That’s your own damn fault for giving them that leeway to begin with. You have shown them that it’s ok for them to have all the alone time they need while you sit back and continue to jump to the needs of them and the kids doing as you do all day long. Get a back bone and put your foot down. I hate when women whine and cry about this crap but never take action to fix it…
I completely understand! I couldn’t get pg for 4 yrs and thought I really wanted a child. After 2 yrs of thinking about it, we decided to adopt. We just brought her back 2 1/2 months ago. I cannot stand it. I feel trapped. I would give it all back in a second without even thinking about it. I’m glad to know others share some of my feelings. I keep fantasizing that I will wake up and it will all just be a bad dream…and then feel so relieved. BUT it won’t happen! I feel for you!
as an adoptee i am deeply disturbed by your comment. how terrible that this child has an adoptive mother who doesnt want her. its bad enough losing a natural family without being placed with a silly immature selfish woman who didnt know what she was getting herself into and would give you back if she could.
I AGREE>>>>>>THATS HORRIBLE
NO WONDER THERES SO MANY ****** UP PEOPLE>>>>>
I am a 39 year old mother of 3 2 1/2 old twins and a 15 month old. I always dreamt of having children and being a SAHM. My husband and I couldn’t get pregnant after 8 years of marriage and finally resorted to IVF. The first try we were pregnant with twins. The pregancy was the worst thing ever.. I hated every minute of it.. I was always sick. And had every bad symptom you could have from being pregnant. They were born at 7.1 lbs and 7.8 lbs. I was working up until they were 1 year, doing all of the “household” duties and working and taking care of them, then I lost my job. We had one embryo left and didn’t have the heart to have it destroyed, so we had it implanted and we were pregnant again with number 3 when the twins were 11 months old. I am like alot of other moms with the same feelings. I love my children, but I hate the 24/7 job. I am frustrated 90% of my day and cry alot. I can’t remember the last time that I was truely happy. I don’t even know what makes me happy anymore. I don’t even think I can blame it on PPD because my kids are too old now. I also got a prescription for antidepresants, but my husband is dead set against me taking them and being labled as “depressed”, so I never took them. My husband cannot even fathom how a woman couldn’t stand being home with her kids, he thinks I should love every minute of it. He also thinks all woman were “built” to handle this, and that I should have more patience because I am a woman. We have just started marriage counseling, but I honestly think it might be too late. We have nothing in common anymore. We used to be best friends, and I really miss that. He just has “NO IDEA” what I am going through and has no idea how to help me cope and deal with these issues and feeling I’ve needed so much help, mentally and physically over the last three years and got none. I don’t even know where to go for help anymore. Our families all have families of their own and unfortunately never offer any help, and I am not one to ask for it. In all of the time that we have had our kids, I have never been away from them for more than a couple of hours. It’s very sad. We don’t have the money for daycare or nannies. There is just none of “ME” left anymore. I did get a little relief from these postings, knowing that I am not the only one. It kills me inside, knowing that I am such a horrible mom, that just can’t stand all the drama of being a mom. I hope for the sake of my my family and I, that I can find some sort of happiness.
I hate being a mom too! I love my child more than anything in the world but my whole life is over now that I have a kid. I can’t do anything or go anywhere and being a stay at home mom makes me feel completely worthless and bored. It is nice to read that we are not alone in feeling this way. I know I will never be able to go through having more kids and I do feel guilty that my child will most likely be an only child but I know its best for my sanity and marriage. Being a mom sucks!
Hi
I thought I was the only one in the world that feels this way, I was feeling terrible thinking that I was commiting a terrible sin and that God may punish me taking away my baby, but now I know for sure I am not the only one. I hate trying to keep my house organized, I hate cleaning it, I hate sweaping the kitchen´s floor 4-5 times a day…depending on my son´s meals and if I don´t do it it looks like a war zone, I hate feeding him more than an hour for lunch and dinner each, I hate not being in the mood to take him for a walk cuz I am too tired for the chores, I hate that mu husbands is away ALL DAY LONG working, in fact I am jealous of him, I feel alone, I want my house to be neat, so I dedicate much time to it by the time I am done I am not even hungry and it´s almost 4-5pm, so I have lost many pounds, right now I am barely 94 pounds…sometimes I ask God for forgiveness because I think my life was easier when Thomas wasn´t with us, I am terribly sorry for saying this, it hurts me so bad admitting this, I feel like a monster for feeling this, I am confused wheter I am a good person or what?. I can´t believe I have this feelings for my baby, but at the same time he is my reason to live, I love him soooo much, I would give my life for him, is just that the work involved of raising him is too much for me, I can´t handle it, I think I might not be over the all post-p depression or something, anyway at least I am not the only one
you are not alone. PLEASE stop beating yourself up with your religion/God/beliefs. you are not a bad person and as you can see, MANY MANY other women out there feel as you do and might even hate it worse than you. It bothers me when people feel sooo guilty due to their religious beliefs. Do you realize most of the entire earth has never even heard of Jesus or God as you understand Him? Hopefully that gives you some perspective. Feel your feelings. It is so much healthier than wondering if your god is mad at you. You’ll never know that for sure. Never.
I love my kids but I HATE being a stay-at-home mom, mainly because I can’t stand most other SAHMs. Many are so mean and judgmental, and have nothing to talk about but scrapbooking and their kids. I’m looking to get back into my old field at least part-time. I can’t hack the SAHM thing. After working for 13 years in IT, I was usually around men and women all day, but as a SAHM, I’m stuck in mom’s groups with very catty women and it’s very boring. I love my kids though, just hate the job.
Feel the same about these moms groups. I got a diploma as a programmer but couldn’t launch my career. I’m starting to think about abandoning it and choosing something else to do. I’m stuck at home with the kids and at night I feel too exausted to do any job that requires a lot of concentration. I noticed in IT part of the work is to actually figure things out on your own, no one sits with you and explain the ABCs. Anyway, counting the days for my 3 kids to grow, get married and leave the house :). Love them more than anything, for them I do any and everything, but the job of mom/house-keeper really really really sucks. And I guess those women we were talking about enjoy every minute of it…paradoxal.
I’m also fed up of being a sahm. I’ve got a 3 year old and a 9 month old and I’ve only really felt like this since my youngest has come along. I do have days where I wish I never had him as we were all so happy before, but then I feel really bad for thinking like that as he is a gorgeous little boy and I do love him. I just feel so numb, fed up, tired, bored, worthless and like the old me died when I had children. I’ve tried telling my oh but he really is not interested and doesn’t listen to me. He thinks that if he keeps telling me I’m a great mum it’ll make me feel better – well it doesn’t I know I’m a crap mum!!
I just want my life back!!!
[quote comment="4452"]I hate being a mom! I don’t know if its the sleep deprivation or the post pardom.. but I friggim HATE this SH!T!!! I get no sleep. and have to take care of a house and child all by myself!! no friends and family to help me out. my husband works long hours and only comes home to sleep and then he’s gone again. we don’t even sleep in the same room! I’m trapped in the bedroom with the baby and he gets all the uninterupted sleep he wants in the spare room! we PLANED this baby! however I did not plan on it ending up this way!! I use to look down and judge women in the position I’m in! I didn’t even want kids!! my husband wanted a baby. so to make my husband happy. we had her. now I wish I stuck to my guns and said NO!!! I don’t hate this baby. I love her. she’s a cutie. but to say that I never feel angry that I’m stuck with her all the time for every cry, scream, feeding, changing, & bathing! would be a bold faced lie! my life sucks now! I can’t do anything I want. and yes that sounds selfish. but I miss being an adult!! I’m just overwhelmed with baby baby baby everything!! I almost want to start drinking in the day just so I can relax and take the edge off!! that or start doing drugs! maybe start popping pills! sh!t I don’t know… I just know I’m unhappy. and would rather kill myself than cause any harm to my baby or give her up. I acctually do feel like killing myself somedays!…. I wish I knew a way out of this.. I didn’t know it would be THIS hard. I only had a general Idea of what I was getting into. the finer details NO ONE shared with me are the ones that are kicking my ass! and I’m also sick and tired of other strainger mommys poppin in with their 2 cents laughing and saying yeah that’s normal. soon you’ll want another one. bull! I’m getting my tubes tied and ripped out of my body!!… I guess I deserve this.. it is my own personal hell…[/quote]
Ugh, I read your post, I feel the same way, wanted to cry cause I thought I was all alone in how I feel. I left my husband because of how depressed I was being a mom, and also how much resentment I felt towards him for “making me” have a baby (he did not make me, he just really wanted one and I was abivalent but went along with it to please him; now I hate him). I a constantly depressed, major anxiety, GUILT GUILT GUILT all the time, but mainly just pine all day for the life and independence I use to have. I ADORE my son, not enough words to describe how much I love him, but HATE being a mother. How is that possible??? And now becasue I am divorced I have to care for myself financially as well, can’t move out of state to be closer to ‘my family’, can’t move out of state for a ‘better job’. Why did I not think of the consequences better?????? Why is the pull for reproduction after marriage so strong?? Everyone telling you “when are you going to have kids”, you just assume that’s what you need to do…. BSSSS!!
Maybe if your husbyou and yourself CHANGED ROLES…he needs to help you mate..its frigged that u stay home and take full responsibilty for your child because at this stage she is just yours….HE needs to help u cause all that other mum bull and family members helping means DIDLY….family meeting time I say,stanad up be forceful make the change you need…You can do it..
skip off to the clinic and get an IUD.No one has to know why you ‘just don’t seem to be falling pregnant’ if you are overwhelmed and don’t want another.
It’s your body after all…and your reproductive right to choose how many children you have.
I hate to suggest being sneaky…but it seems like everyone here is SO WORN OUT, I just imagine how hard it would be having the ‘I don’t want another baby’ conversation with a sticky, screaming infant hanging off your boob, only to be told you are being selfish.
Screw that,but sometimes what they don’t know can’t hurt them.
(And if you did change your mind…poof, they take it out. No biggie.)
Some of these posts were refreshingly honest and made me laugh. I googled “moms who hate cooking and cleaning” because it is six fifteen and my son is eating snacks while I stare at the stupid, kind of messy kitchen and wonder what the hell to fix. Fortunately, I have been blessed with the best husband in the world and that makes a lot of difference. The man actually likes to cook and comes home from working eight hours and cooks. But I feel guilty and his repertoire is somewhat limited as is mine. I cook a couple of times a week and he works all day and then works in the evenings. Those evenings he works and I cook. I also do the cleaning. He tries to help but he’s even worse at it than I am. But he is a great help. I would absolutely lose my mind if it weren’t for him. I have the flu right now- have had it for two weeks, and am working on three different projects, no pay, hoping I will get paid one day, and cleaning- I hate cleaning. When I don’t have the flu and am not working, looking for employment, cleaning is alright. My son is six but I want to be more present for him, play with him be with him. He encourages me in my career, but I kind of feel that if I succombed to being a mostly stay at home, he would find me boring. One day I had dinner all made, the house perfect, my son bathed and he just looked at me and said, “Did you write today?” I am a writer and he is too. Baby hood is hard, ladies, but the kid gets older and you get thru it (unless you are the ladu with the kid with attachment issues- my prayers go out to you.) Please, join as many mommy groups as you can, f- the cleaning- clean your kitchen and your bathroom and be lackadaisical about the rest. Go to the library, see if there are any mommy and movies (many major cinemas offer them you can take your baby to the movies) join the YMCA, take your baby to a swimming class, mom aerobics class and rent movies from the library to watch while you nurse. Take it easy and and get outside. It helos
Yes, I love my child, am pregnant with a second, but dislike the JOB. It is not their fault, but I am just tired of all the dumb itsy bitsy spiders, play groups, and numb-minded stuff that accompanies this. I am pursuing my MSc, and that is both my anchor and my escape. One day I will have a job where I use my mind on a higher level. Poopy diapers and temper-tantrums will be a distant memory one day…..sigh!
Ladies- thanks for your honesty. I heard a great saying from a friend’s doctor:
You’re not a bad mom if you THINK about putting your baby in the trash, you’re a bad mom when you actually PUT your baby in the trash!
It is okay to be honest with yourself and cry a little. Even if you wanted them, even when your friends can’t conceive and want kids- it is YOUR life! nuff said!
I am glad to know that I’m not alone. I recently went from being a working mother in a professional career to a SAHM. For the last year and 1/2 I have felt trapped in this house. I have children ranging in age from 14 to 7months and most days feel like I’m losing my damn mind. I love my kids, don’t get me wrong, but I NEVER even remotely had the inclination to be a SAHM. No, this current status was brung about by cosmic forces, a slumping economy, corporate downsizing, and a move to a new locale. So on top of my lothing the SAHM thing I don’t have any friends here or even family to see.
I’ve told my husband that I’m not happy and he does say that he wish he could help me get back to the old me. What he doesn’t do is actually help out unless I have a classic “mom on strike” tantrum. He works 12 hour days then comes home and sleeps till approx 3-4 hrs b4 it’s his time to return to work. I really have begun to resent him and this whole lifestyle. I want to run…far far away, or at least hire a helper. But that’s not feasable so i’ve resorted to making Xanax my new best friend to help me cope. I’m depressed, I’m sad, I feel isolated, and I have NEVER been the Suzy homemaker, Donna Reed, arts & crafts mom. I was once a power broker, I traveled, had adult interaction, and still had mommy time and attended to all my kids functions. My life ran at 100 miles an hour but for mr there was balence and I loved it. Now there is no balence. I am x’s mommy and that is it. I’m still in the process of looking for even a part time job bc (and pls forgive if this offends) I never wanted to be that woman who’s sole goal in life was to be a SAHM and defines herself as such. I love my kids but I need something for me that’s not kid related. There’s nothing sadder than seeing a woman who dedicated her whole existance to only being someones mom then the kids grow up, leave, take flight, and that woman becomes clueless as to what to do, who she is, and her role and contribution in life.
I love my son, can’t stand motherhood though…or as others have put it the “JOB”. Not sure I’ll ever have more children. Lonely most of the time, lonely all of the time actually. Starving for adult friendships, but I don’t have the time or resources to invest in them. Sometimes I’d like to hop on a plain and fly far away from this life. I’m so glad to read about all of the moms who feel as frustrated and stuck as I do. As for those who condemn all of us who are suffering, I can’t wait until you find yourselves stuck in an agonizing situation. What you don’t experience, you’ll never understand…so if it happens, I hope life lays it on real thick; smothers you in your despair. I just need a breath of fresh air, or a companion to laugh with and feel human touch.
Thank you to all of the moms who shared their feelings of frustration. You made me smile and laugh when I didn’t think that was possible. I love my son, but don’t love being a mom, and the guilt that comes with feeling this way is suffocating. For all the moms that scoff at the rest of us, haven’t you heard of compassion?? Although you don’t and obviously can’t understand what others are saying/feeling maybe you should try one of the rules you must teach your kids (since of course you must be the perfect mom) and not say (or in this instance type) anything if you can’t say something nice. Back off and go scold your kid instead of the gals on this board! ;)
I’m so glad I’m not alone. I hate being a mom. I hate being at home. When my daughter was born I was working on a Ph.D. For two years I was stuck at home cleaning, cooking, changing diapers and I hated it. I hated it so badly I was suicial almost all of the time. I went from one anti-depressant to another trying to get better. Though the medication kept me alive, it didn’t do much more than that. Luckily for me, I am still in the military reserves. When our finances were at their absolute worst, my husband agreed to let me go to war in Iraq. Believe it or not, being at war was a great blessing. My migranes went away, and after a couple of months I was off my anti-depressants and feeling positive about myself and the future. Now I’m back home, and the shadows are creeping back in. I just spent a long day trying to amuse and entertain my two daughters. (My husband is away on vacation – we’re separated.) I hate being a mom. I can’t even call a friend on the phone because the moment I pick the phone up the girls are all over me interrupting me and making it impossible to speak. None of my friends have kids, and they don’t want to be around mine. My family isn’t nearby. There’s no support, no sanity, and if I could do it all over again I would have never married my husband and NEVER had children. Never. My mom always told me that my life would be over when I had kids. At the same time, she wanted grandchildren. What the hell?!? My husband told me reproduction was biological. I told him so was screwing a bunch of women who weren’t your spouse, but we rise about our biological urges because we are enlightened. Like some of the others posting here, I gave in. It only takes one night, one moment of weakness, to change your life forever. And it isn’t as if you can return the kids.
I don’t care if I’m remembered after I die. I don’t care what the girls accomplish. I don’t care if anyone visits my grave. I just want to be happy again. I hate being suicidal and I hate the violent temper this brings out in me.
God willing I’ll get a job soon, be out of the house. I’ll go to Afghanistan if I have to. Going to war is much easier than being a mom – trust me. And at least you can earn medals when you’re at war.
Hang in there. There’s a new day dawning. You can talk to me if you like.
AGENT99—
wow you are my new best friend. I read what you awrote and it was like you were typing my exact thought and feelings that I have always had since becoming a mom. i am not in the service, no unfortunately i can;t get away. i stayed home the first year to breastfeed, which was OK but i decided right there and then i was never going to stay home again. well, i worked for the next year, after my daughter turned 1, and put her in daycare. however, i lost my job in july of 09 and have been home, unemployed ever since. i am again, feeling suicidal and miserable. i hate my life, i hate that i have no progress, i hate that i can’t do what i want for ME…etc etc etc.
my only solace is that i am almost done ith my bachelor’s…but still, i have a LONNNNNG way to go if i want to make enough money to pay other people to watch her so i can maintain my sanity, and make enough $$ to support a home. there are no shortcuts, no easy ways out, it sucks, i can;t even get a job right now. thanks for posting, its nice to know i am not alone in how i feel.
agent99: thank you for posting, i love it. love your words.
i agree 100% and believe me ur not alone 2 all the people who h8 being a mom i supose alot of us would have waited if we knew how hard it really is,it feels like uve lost everything friends freedom job ect and gained sleepless nights and dirty nappys! if theres 1 thing i have learnt is things do get better believe it or not i was at my witts end not so long ago even feelt like ending it as i couldnt cope people would say it gets better and i didnt believe them but it does
I love being childfree. I have my freedom can go out or stay in bed until noon on Sundays.
Reading this gave me a good laugh.
You make your bed.
No one forced you to have kids.
This is what I am missing out on ha ha ha!
I love being childfree too. I make fun of all these whining mommies who desperately wanted a baybee but now want to flush it down the toilet because it’s not all “Kodak moments”
I’m having fun screwing their husbands because they don’t recognize the woman they married and the wife doesn’t pay attention to the husband anymore.
Childfreebychoice: that’s a nasty reply. i’m sure you’ve made some bad decisions in your life that we desperate mothers have not made and you would not appreciate one of us “ha-ha’ing” you about them. whatever painful thing you have going on from which you cannot ever escape, i hope it continues. ha ha ha.
I am so impressed by your honesty and bravery in posting your feelings, gals.
Just a word to the wise for you. When you get outrageous insulting comments, please understand that these people are trolling to enjoy your reaction to their baiting, and don’t even bother to talk to them. Their purpose is to get people riled up, not contribute. It makes them feel powerful when they get a reaction, and their ego grows directly in proportion to the response. Once you know that, you can cast off troll-like comments and collectively ignore them, or just plain call em out on trollin. Works like a charm.
Signs of Trolls
– constantly pointing out spelling errors in posts.
-When responding to a post, they will often include some or all of that post and respond to it line-by-line.
-the troll will complain about how the entire board is always “picking on them”.
– rarely, if ever, contributing to the board itself.
-responding to nearly every poster in a thread individually. Rather than reading the entire thread, then adding their view, they will click a post, respond, then go to the next and do it again, EVEN if they are stating the same thing over and over again.
-often lurking for awhile to get the “feel” of the board, so they can know just which “buttons” to push. They will single out one or two people whom they think they can intimidate, then harass them to the point of leaving the board. That done, they will “calm down” for awhile, then attack someone else.
-rarely answering a direct question – they cannot, if asked to justify their response – so they develop a fine line in missing the point.
http://www.flayme.com/troll/
Don’t let trolls rile you up!! Just a part of internet life. The sharing here is wonderful, and I feel for you guys, and feel I have my eyes opened for when and if I decide to procreate.
I know how alot of you feel because I have been there. I am not sure what I thought motherhood would be like but what I am experiening was an eye opener. I have a 3 and 2 year old. My son was 6 mths when I found out I was pregnant again. URGH!! surprises, surprise. The second pregnancy was fine but it was the responsibility of caring for a baby and then being pregnant that was tiresome, plus working full time. I was not prepared for how it changes you, your marriage and priorities. With very little family around, it made it that much harder. No one tells you the real deal, you have to live it. Marriages are tested and life is no longer how you remember things. I call it the “new normal. All I can say is being a mom is hard becuase of the duty and responsibilities. I believe we all love our kids without questions but the responsibilities of caring for them is daunting and challenging. Society has this norm that you give up your life for your children and that is not true. We have to put ourselves on the list and demand our time. Don’t get on the guilt cycle because it is hard to get off. If you have a spouse, leave the kids some times. Dad will be fine with them for a while, things will not fall apart while you are gone. Single parents, get a support network and find others to swap babysitting with. Ladies, it is ok to want time away, you are not a bad person for it. You may not be able to do all you used to but you can add time for fulfilling things. We have to make us the priority again. Hang in there ladies, pray, go to counseling and get the help you need becuase our kids need healthy parents, not perfect ones.
To lovebeingamom,
You’re such a narrow minded person. We all love our kids, but obviously we’re burned out. I went years praising motherhood and how blessed I was. And I know I AM fortunate. But this past year has been extremely difficult and I just can’t stand it. 4 kids in 5 years is a LOT. I wouldn’t change having kids, but I NEED some freedom, something intellectual to do with myself other than cook, clean, homework and change diapers. It’s impossible not to love ones children. But being burned out and especially when you’re sacrificing a career and freedom creates a sense of resentment towards the kids.
To Childfreebychoice,
Anyone that says they’re lucky not to have kids, is in denial or can’t have kids. There’s nothing more wonderful than having little ones. But, frankly with more than 2 you get overstressed. I was totally fine with 2, even 3 of my kids and loved being home. My 4th one (who’s the sunlight of my life) pushed me over the edge. It’s too much. But the fact is that this “insane” phase of my life will pass. It’s midlife crisis. And life would be so empty without kids, especially when you’ve passed your prime and regret it. We’re here as venting moms, but there are much more wonderful moments than there are bad ones when you have kids.
Anon How can I be in denial when I had my tubes tied. I paid for it. My mother told me how awful it was to have a child and all the things it stopped her doing.
I am way past my prime. I have a partner who thinks kids area waste of time/money and a lot of childfree friends(have you ever been on a childfree website?)
http://www.refugees.bratfree.com/index.php
We have a lot of time for travel arts fine dining concerts film theatre skiing scuba diving etc.
I agree with april and lovebeingmum.
To make a choice then complain about it show a weak inadequate pathetic person. I feel for the kids.You knew what you were getting into. Make Bed lie
I love it how a childfree person always makes their way to these types of posts. If you are so sure of your choice–why stop by? To see what you missing? To validate your choice? THAT shows weakness.
Many of the women here LOVE their children, and are very glad we had them. It’s just society places so much pressure and expectations of mothers. We need to “do it all”. And it gets very stressful at times. Just as with anything. So we vent.
As for fine dining, travel, etc. etc–I did plenty of that before kids, and well, it got boring. Are you going to keep doing that your whole life? That’s it? Yippee.
Kids DO grow older. I will have the best of both worlds then–beautiful kids and grandkids, and have my time to travel and “fine dine” again. (as if that’s important anyways–only someone who has never experienced having a child would compare travel to be anywhere as fulfilling, exciting etc as raising a human being)
BTW, so sad your mother told you that having kids ruined her life. No wonder you have such a negative outlook on it. It must be horrible to have your own mother tell you that you stood in the way of her chance to fine dine and travel all her life.
michele: love this reply to childfreebychoice. seriously, if he/she is so confident in his/her choice what the hell are they doing hanging out here and not scuba diving? weak, lame, sad.
Wow
scary stuff I am 19 and haven’t even had a boyfriend yet! I respect mums since I have had a bit of experience babysitting-don’t laugh I used to babysit a 2 year old from 5pm sats till 12am sundays all on my own, I was told it would be hard but didn’t think I might experience such extreme feelings of anger/frustration etc. at first. My friend was actually meant to have the babysitting job but her mum for some reason pulled her out- she had bipolar syndrome I later found out maybe that helps explain it, but she was allowed to come over some nights to help me…my view of looking after that kid changed completely. I even missed leaving him and looked forward to seeing him again after school and work. You might think me bad but I thought I was starting to hate him, and ofcourse I was feeling bad about it but when she came I saw a different side I was missing, she just had fun with him. I grew to love spending time with him even though I found it hard.
I used to look at my friends mum who was a neighbour 2 doors down (my mum and her are best friends) and think she could be really horrible to her kids when she got back from her part time job. It was like as soon as she came home she was onto them like some evil phsyco lady (I love this lady though -she is my 2nd mum while my mum was diagnosed with endometriosis and chronic fatigue all during my teenage years). She would come home and boss the kids about and get angry at them for NO good reason- I was 17 and could see she was stressed but I didn’t like the way she handled it- I knew she hated coming home to brats. It was interesting for me to watch this because the kids were a bit younger than me, 10, 12 and 16 and I could see that they sometimes had to come home to have 20 minutes to themselves you know eat afternoon tea and then this poor single mum would come home to 3 kids she found difficult to look after but she would be screaming at them -over nothing-and the poor kids -you know it goes both ways -they had to put up with this and it so reminded me of when I was a few years younger, my mum was the same- incredibly frustrating. (though she didn’t scream she didn’t have the energy). But I understand that that is how my 2nd mum felt about the kids too. She has not only raised 3 kids- though one left to live with some of her mums friends when she was 16 cause they both couldn’t handle it. But during her kids lives she has had cancer and survived, though I didn’t witness this since they were living somewhere else and their dad died of cancer after she survived, though they were divorced. I love these kids and thier mum sooo much, they are very important to me, I don’t think they realise how much I love them, I needed them when my mum was sick and going in and out of the hospital for operations and she was on like 12 pills a day and drugs and I was so depressed to not be able to get out of the house, I was 13 when it started and my dad is a full time worker, my mum has only worked 5 years in her life but has been sick actually since she was 20 the doctors jst didn’t know what was wrong with mum, so she just got worse, she even collapsed on the job when I was about 9 and got fired. She had had her first child at 20 and she jst got used to the pain whilst having to bring up me and my bros, our birthdays are all in the same week in the middle of the year lol. It was hard having a sick mum she is just getting out of it now- I hope- and I am moving out in less than a month, I need my space and so do my parents. My mum used to sleep all day even when I got home she was sleeping, I was so glad to have my neighbours, I sometimes babysat them for their mum and I went there nearly everyday after school to meet them because I found it so depressing to stay at home, I had got to the point where I resented my mum for looking at me (and feeling guilty for it) with those weak eyes when I went into her room, I was not meant to be her mum though sometimes I felt I was. I suppose you guys still have your health to be happy about but it can always be worse I think. Out of this I have learnt that communication is so important, it really helps to talk to as many people you trust as possible- even though some dont understand and you dont want to depress people with your sucky life. I got through my hard times with making lots of friends- I never told them what was going on in my life until later, only my closest 2 friends. I soon found out my best friends dad had died of cancer a year before I met her, no wonder I had thought she had issues.
Have you guys tried renting DVDs from the library its only about $1 where I live. Have you got siblings to talk to on the phone, or that live close, you could make tea for them at their place and take your kids and vice versa. Or my aunt she is single but lives in a reeeally nice rented home with her mum and her brother and his wife and 5 year old daughter. She says it is sometimes annoying having a 5 year old around but she gets to live just out of town yet just in the country and has a horse and loves where she’s living, and the mum works part time then comes home to look after her kid – She also has 2 older kids who are in their 20s. My aunt says they have their moments with each other but the house is big enough and they get their space.
LOL I don’t know now if I still plan to adopt, (I dreamed from 17 to adopt atleast one kid because there are so many kids out there who need a mum and I dont see much point in having my own if I can have one who actually desperately needs me) I saw that even in such hard times its great to have people on the side apart from your immediate family to help and to talk to. And I believe its important to eat with the WHOLE family at tea time that includes dad, that was the only time I had time to talk to him, I craved his attention too.
My respect goes to all the mums!!! Goodluck ooo and try facebook or msn or something, If your kid is bored let him/her sit on your knee or in the room and you can talk to them whilst typing to a friend its real fun.
OMG I am so happy to find I’m not the only one! As everyone has said I love my daughter but ugh I’m on the brink of slamming my head into the wall!
I spend my day either obsessing over organizing the house, being bored, cooking, baking, thinking I”m a bad mother, overwhelmed with a house that looks like a warzone, on strike for a day,etc. My BF & I were head over heels for one year before I got prego then my sex drive stopped but we did good through the preg then after I had the baby I dont want to cuddle be touched, have sex nothing! We dont even sleep in the same damn room anymore! I try to make friends but it seems like I cant no matter how hard I try!
I just want to be happy again!!!!!! Unfortuantly I do not see this happening in the near future oh yeah & I’d love to sleep 24 months of this shit & still not sleeping through the night. As I type this my daughter is laid out on my bedroom floor hardwood floor might I add sleeping geesh!
Thanks for making me feel a little more “normal”
I stumbled upon this website by accident..i googled “hate being a stay at home mom” but truthfully–i hate being a mom b/c i do it all by myself everyday all day. my partner works and i understand he has to work to support us–but it aint like we’re livin the high life. i hate being a stay at home mom, which makes me hate being a mom b/c i NEVER GET A BREAK. i died when i had this kid–i have no identity for myself anymore. the only thing i have going for me is that i am close to getting my bachelor’s. but i barely have time to go to school..and i go online!! i get 2 times per day to go to school–when my daughter naps and goes to bed. sometimes only once a day, b/c she doesn’t take a nap all the time. my mom is no help either. i hate my life. i am miserable and i want to be done with it..i want to get in my car and leave for a couple of weeks. i have never been more unhappy until i became a mom.
Damn, me too, I hate my damn kids. They are pissing me off as we speak, I wish men had to go through this crap so they could see how much it sucks.
hahahahah………us poor mothers I tell you…it is FULL ON and trying to have patience is so hard …Its like get cranky,be a mean mum from time to time the rest of the time is spent making it up to them cause you feel so damn guilty..ahhhhhhhh ..Ive decided im selling all the F-n furniture and crap in the house cause IM SO SICK OF HOUSE WORK ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY…dont do that,pick those toys up,leave that alone,stop that…Im so sick of my own voice I feel like im just surviving a walking corpse,,,,My looks gone,my body gone,no money no freedom….hahahahah I could go on anad on BUT…..I believe we have to LIVE in the NOW and forget all that stuff and its sounds dorky but SMell the flowers for a bit really just enjoy little people cause it is up to us ….GIRLS…. to raise a better future and have ,beautiful,intelligent kind hearted caring children so they try and bring some sense onto this messed up planet..Do whatever you have to ,to be great mothers …work ,play,whatever it takes to raise GREAT people xox
Yeah I don’t like it either, but I’m a single mother. It was great when we were together as a family. But when my ex kicked me out so that his teenage girlfriend (10 years younger than he is) could move in, that’s when the resentment started. I’m attached to my baby girl, and I love her dearly. But when I planned to have her, I planned to start the rest of my life (career- license- etc) after she started school. My ex and I were in total agreement as we firmly believed in a parent staying home to look after their children instead of shipping them off to a germ ridden child corral.
But yeah didn’t work out, I’m now an uneducated single mother living off welfare who has to use public transit. My ex never makes any effort to help me out and continuously begs me for money. He makes up excuses as to why he can’t fulfill his visitation rights. I’m going to be a full time student this fall and I don’t know how I’m going to pull it off seeing as how my college is across the city and my daughter will be going to school only 3 hours a day. Day care? I need it subsidized, I can’t afford to get into day care at the drop of a hat- and she’s still on the waiting list I put her on over a year ago.
I now feel like she’s the relic of a soured relationship, and she’s getting in the way of my recovery. I could give her to my ex if I wanted to. But once again, I’m very attached to her. I’m so lonely that some days she’s the only reason I get out of bed in the morning. So you can see there’s some inner conflict here.
I love my 3 year old daughter but I hate what motherhood took away from me. My friendships, my independence, my care for my looks, my freedom, my stable mood, my relationship with my husband, ohh how I miss that! I am not saying this is all my daughter’s fault. No. What I’m saying is that I hate what motherhood made me become. I’m a bitter person now, I have no friends at all, I fight with my mother every five minutes about her spoiling my daughter, I don’t recognize myself. I MISS ME!
I’m terrified to think that my daughter will hate me for who I am now. That would be the irony of my life.
This is not ppd, this is a once free independent woman that lost her spark for taking good care of her daughter. I did not know when I got pregnant that motherhood would bring me more anxiety for the responsability than happiness.