Hate being a mom full time and all my inner me

I love my baby, he is just 7 months old. But some time like know I fill that I am not good mom, and that is because I don’t like to be.
I really miss my life my time, and my body.
My husband is so good, these days, I think he still feel guilty because he cheated on me two years ago. Well, and I have to admit, I can’t forget neither forgive yet.
We moved to USA exactly a month after I found out his affair and all his cruel mind games he played on me.
Any way, I decided to continue our plan to came to USA so he can study a master, eventually go back to Mexico.
He found a job in USA, so we have stayed here, for now.
But I feel so bad, about all:

+I miss my self-esteem because I allowed to cheated on me and continue together. I have to confess: he is the must amaizing man I have ever met. JUST PERFECT (just a hair in the soup)
+I have troubles with my english proficiency and I cant make new friends, in this new city I moved to.
+The baby is not helping, keeping me busy 24/7. He still waking every 2 hrs during the day.
+I can’t work, visa issues, so I feel so unproductive
+I hate the house chores, I miss my mexican maid
+I don’t have energy to change my negative energy to get out of this black deep hole.
+I am so obsessive trying to be perfect mom, it just frustrated me. I set my goals to high.
+Hate my stretch marks and extra pounds (accumulated all in my wrist)happy
+Constantly afraid to lose my husband this time for good.

= I feel useless, stupid, frustrated, negative, fat, ugly, low respect for myself.

I am so afraid of all this that I change for a family with my cheating husband would end in what I see eminent in the long term. He, again, with a young beautiful perfect girl happy forever. And me with non economical support, no friends, no family around, no career, no life, a son with his own life.

Oh my god, this is the first time I visit this web. I saw some post and wonder how people write so long. Now I started to write and I can’t stop, I just have so much bad feelings inside. My baby don’t deserve this sour mom.

I have all the theory of how to be better, but I really want to know how to put all this in practice. I don’t know what to expect from you stranger posters.

I am realizing that I should find help, but I have tray psychologist once, and it was not useful. I tried psychiatric and neither worked. What next?