RSSStealing
I was a nurse in a hospice facility. I also had an incredibly bad drug habit and stole pain meds from the patients for about 5 years. I would do incredibly awful, deceptive things like replace a dilaudid with a vitamin C tablet or inject saline into an IV in place of morphine. My peers probably suspected but never spoke up. Eventually, I left the profession voluntarily and got sober but I still feel an incredible sense of guilt. To this day, I won’t tell anyone about my former profession, like those years just did’nt happen.
Anonymous on April 10th 2008 in Guilt
Princess Starbucks said on 10 Apr 2008 at 8:21 am # Quote
Sham on you! Carma will get you and I hope that its as painful as the pain you inflicted on those who also suffered their final days. Dirt bag…..
No name. said on 10 Apr 2008 at 9:44 am # Quote
I used to work as a clerk for a hospice company. I heard many stories from other experienced hospice workers about others having drug addictions and taking medications from hospice patients.
I myself never had an issue with medication. My mother, who was never a nurse or worked for hospice, had an addiction to prescription pain medication. She had a legitimate reason for taking them but she would have rather been asleep and numb to the world than live with her bone pain every day.
I am not telling you this to admonish you for what you’ve done. But to tell you that you did right by finally seeing the error of your ways AND by getting off the drugs.
I say that last part especially because less than five months ago, my mother died in her sleep wearing four fentanyl (morphine) patches. She died of an accidental overdose.
I lie and tell people she died of a heart problem.
You should be glad you’re alive and should always do good things to counteract what you’ve done.
Horrible said on 10 Apr 2008 at 1:14 pm # Quote
Wow. Well, Im not at all against the recreational use of drugs. I so go for it as long as it is in moderation and doesnt hurt anyone.
However, you were definitely hurting people. You werent even stealing from a medicine closet (which hurts people indirectly by increasing health care costs). You were actually taking morphine directly from patients who needed it?
This confession probably makes you feel better, but it shouldnt. There is no taking back what you did. If I believed in god, I would tell you to pray. As it is, the closest thing you can get to forgiveness is suffering equal to what you have caused, or mending more than you have hurt. I would guess you still have a lot more to go.
Maybe you should go back to your former profession, so that every day you are reminded of what you did, but also get continue to help people. Perhaps you can pay your debt doubly fast.
Anonymous said on 11 Apr 2008 at 12:32 pm # Quote
Princess, I really don’t know what to say other than that I strongly suspect that you have some really deep-seated passive/aggressive personality issues and are basically acting like a textbook internet troll. You probably slum through sites like this looking for people to verbally pound on from a distance…just to make yourself feel better. Never done anything awful that you regret? Doubtful. Have fun polishing that halo!
No Name- I am sorry for your loss. I am grateful for every day that I am sober and try to express that gratitude by staying on the path I chose when I walked into rehab. It hasn’t been easy…and there’s no reason why it should be but it’s what’s right.
Horrible- I appreciate the sentiment of returning to nursing as a way of “repaying my debt” but addiction just doesn’t work that way. There is little to no chance of my never working in a facility where my drugs of choice were not available to me. Would you tell a recovering alcoholic to take a job as a bartender? Probably not. My main trigger for using was as a way of dealing with the stress of working in a really emotionally charged environment. Going back to nursing wouldn’t be a good idea for me. Confessing here doesn’t make me feel any better about what I did. Nothing ever will. My reason for writing was to call attention to a growing number of impaired healthcare workers in an industry that does as much as it can to shield (in the case of physicians) or deny (in the cases of nurses) the problem.
anonymous said on 11 Apr 2008 at 2:33 pm # Quote
You’re suffering to “repay debt” won’t do any good for anyone. Help people–reach out in ways that don’t prompt addiction. If you think this stems from some deeper issues still present, see a therapist so you can move on with your life. Hurting more now doesn’t right past wrongs, and your past should not hinder the rest of your life. Be a good person and live a good life, because even with your past, you deserve that.
anonymous said on 20 Apr 2008 at 3:18 pm # Quote
Pain is the currency of forgiveness. We cannot allow people to leave their past behind and “move on”. Pain is what teaches you. Suffering prevents you from doing wrong again.
That fact that you hurt is the indication that you are still human, and therefore still capable of redemption.
You can embrace it, work on yourself, become a better person, but you can never move on.
Tiger said on 18 Aug 2008 at 4:21 am # Quote
howcome you’ve become so concerned now. You’ve done some real harm. So now you have to seek forgiveness from the patients first and then God. If I were your patient, I’d never forgive you.