Sorry
Posted by sorry in Guilt on Dec 12th, 2010 | 3 commentsI lied. We didn’t just kiss. We had sex. Now, I’m infected. It’s not serious, but I’m so scared that I infected you too. Most people life fine with this infection, but I’m so sorry. It was a one time thing, something I never ever thought I was capable of doing. I don’t even remember his name and I wouldn’t be able to recognize him on the streets. I deserve contracting this virus, but you don’t deserve it. You have given me nothing but love, but my lack of self esteem has hurt both of us.
I’ve decided I won’t confess 100% of the truth. I will make sure that you get tested and vaccinated, but you don’t have to know when I contracted this. I want to tell you, but that would be much too selfish. I would feel better by relieving my guilt, and you would suffer. I swear on my life that this will never happen again, so what is the point of confessing if it only serves to make me feel better and make you feel miserable? I deserve the sleepless nights from that hour long mistake. I deserve the mental agony. But, I appreciate you so much more after going through this and experiencing the consequences.
Please, please don’t be infected.
3 Responses to “ “Sorry”
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the act of cheating, i dont condone, but i do nderstand why you did. you said that your self esteem was low. yes youve contacted the sourse but if its low, then your husband/boyfiend needs to know how to support you. tell him directly what you need from him. tell him xactly what e puts out, thi is something most peole dont figure out their entire lives and can be extrea,ly dificult trust me hun, its worth every second of figureing out. for the greater good of the two of you
Not telling him is selfish. You’re not protecting him from the pain, you’re protecting yourself from the shame. It lacks compassion, integrity, and clearly shows that you love yourself more than him. You’re a liar and a cheat. And I’m telling you from experience that it’s not the cheating that hurts the most… It’s the lies. You are cruel beyond measure for not telling him the whole truth.
I have had a similar situation, however there was no resulting infections. But i too choose not to come clean about my mistake because of just what you said, why should they suffer and i feel relief? I will suffer through my mistakes, and remind myself everyday that i have to work to deserve what i have, since i know i dont really deserve it.