lost of control is now my enemy..
Posted by Ashley in Guilt on Mar 28th, 2011 | 8 commentsMy own head feels like its going to explode,
Im a 16 year old girl living with my grandparents.
The fact that they raised me for half of my ‘childhood’ im very happy for. but, my fears are all comming too fast for me to control at once. my father is living with us as well along with his girlfriend. she is pregnant and is giving it up. it bothers me that im going to have a half sibling out thier, my brother is 13 and slowly losing himself to drungs and alcohol. My mother is constintly demanding for me to come back and live with her, but i really dont belive i can handle her mental abuse and the childish fitts she displays as an adult. It frustating. im worried sick constintly about my grandparents well being, well slowly trying to hold a stady pace at school.Im a jr in highschool. with shame of failling my familey by going to city instead of state like my friends are and how my father went. I hate myself for not being smart like my friend i feel like im letting my grandparents down. On top of this, im being constintly asked and in a way asked and questioned my verginity. This guy bugs me non stop about my virtue its annoying. I despise him but hate to be mean so i stay silent. I know its wrong, but i want my first time special like any other girl does. Am i weak? i dont know how to control everthing thats going on….
8 Responses to “ “lost of control is now my enemy..”
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Oh love, my heart goes out to you. You have far more to deal with than any junior in high school should. I wish I could give you more helpful advice, but I really don’t know what to say. I do know that you are not disappointing your grandparents, it sounds like you have many burdens but you are managing them as best as you can. I do hope you have an adult, outside of your family (a pastor, a school counselor, a kind teacher?) you can talk to about these things. Really, you’re just a kid and you aren’t supposed to be able to handle this on your own.
I can tell you that that guy asking you about your virginity is sexually harassing you, and its not okay. Don’t worry about being mean. Tell him its none of his business. You should also report him to your principal. His behavior is wrong, and somebody needs to know about it.
Ashley, I feel for you. I’m sorry, that sucks.
The guy that’s pressuring you? Dump him. He doesn’t care about you, he just wants to get laid. That’s not weak of you, that’s smart that you’re picking up on it – but trust yourself more. You know what you want, and what you DON’T – don’t let anyone tell you that you’re wrong. It’s your body, your life, and your decision.
As for your family – just, wow. That is messed up. Talk to your guidance counselor at school or call a suicide hotline. I know your not suicidal, but they can tell you what resources ARE available to you and you really need some help. Most of it, no one can do anything about. But talking about it can help YOU, and you never know…
You can’t be in control of everything. That’s something that you will learn in life. There are many things out of control, but we just learn to deal with them.
Your bf, he’s horny, and you can’t control him, but you can deal with him by saying No, you’re not ready. By giving in to his demand, you will feel guilty later on. If he loves you, he will wait.
There’s no shame in going to the city college instead of the state. You can transfer in your 3rd year and you save money doing so. Just focus on your study.
From what you say, i woudln’t suggest going to live with your mom. She sounded immature herself.
First of all, you DO NOT deserve to be sexually harassed. That happened to me all through 6th grade and part of 7th; this was by the same guy. I was too scared, ashamed, and innocent to know what to do. It needs to stop immediately. Talk to the principle, dean, counselor, teacher…anyone and even everyone. Cause a scene. Whatever you need to do to protect yourself.
All you can do is keep trying your best; don’t compare yourself to your peers. In 2 years you will be an adult, free. Start preparing yourself for that–saving money, planning for college, get a job. If money is an issue consider the peace corps or military. Both are free and can be a jumping off point for the rest of your life.
Talk to someone. It’s okay to get help. I know.
Sometimes I think the children are smarter than the adults and this is a prime example. I roll my eyes. The word of the day is ‘stalwart.’ Look it up. That’s how you must be, like a ship in a stormy sea. The waves might rock the boat a little but they can’t change its course. Don’t look at yourself through the eyes of others, because the way they see you is not who you are, and they will pull you in all different directions. Practice the word ‘no’ and make it your friend. You are at the age now where authority has reached its expiration date and you must be your own individual. People won’t like it, and it will be difficult, but that’s what you must do.
Save yourself girl cause once you give it up YOU CAN’T get it back, and the jerk sounds like a “cherry picker” anyway. Don’t worry about anyone but yourself. Try hard in school to pass. Love them grandparents cause they didn’t have to take you in. Worry about you and only you. You’re not responsible for your brother. You can be there for him, but he’s making the bad choices. You can try to steer him right, but that is really all. Take care sweetie. You deserve better.
Tough stuff you are going through. Hang in there–and remember, you are close to getting out and into the real world. Use this precious time to work on yourself. Ask yourself what you really love to do and start to decide which career would allow you to pursue that. Once you graduate from college, there are a lot of bills to pay, and right now you have the luxury of figuring out what your passion in life will be. Remember “do what you love and the money will follow.” Focus on your own joy–start defining it, honing it, and picture exactly how it will bring you a nice salary in the future! Try to dial out the chaos around you and focus on yourself. And just stick close to your girlfriends for now. Boys and sex will just be a big distraction during this important time in your life. Keep focused and keep strong. This WILL get better!
i can totally relate to you with the guy thing. i’ve got the same problem but i told him to get lost and i think he’s finally got the picture and i’m all the more happy for it!
as for troubles with your family? your brother needs help, but it’s not your responsability to deal with it. you could try and give him some advice but it shouldn’t be a burden on you.
i can understand that it’s tough having so much adult problems dumped on you but you shouldn’t need to deal with it.
your still a kid and you should be able to live a childhood! work hard and love your family but don’t let their burdens determine yours.