Losing it
Posted by Lilah in Guilt on Aug 24th, 2010 | 3 commentsGrandpa has alzheimer’s. Every day I spend with him, he forgets who I am, and thinks I’m other people. Every day, he does things that make no sense and that are dangerous and I have to try and make sure he stays safe. Every day… I get a little more irritated even though it’s not his fault. It’s hard to put on a happy face and be supportive and caring through all of this when it doesn’t even seem to matter. So the guilt of my anger and frustration with his disease is eating away at me from the inside because it’s not HIS fault. It’s not anyone’s fault. That’s the problem, there isn’t anything tangible to blame, just some stupid disease that doesn’t have a cure. Why does it have to be like this?! Why can’t he just remember everything like he used to? Grandma and I both feel bad for getting mad at him, but it’s just so much more difficult watching him disappear than we wanted to believe.
3 Responses to “ “Losing it”
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Hey there! It seems as though you and your grandmother need some support from others who are also struggling with the same issues. This will make you better understand how and why you feel the way you do, not to say you really don’t, but it is always reassuring when you hear of others with situations similar to yours. My grandmother also has Alzheimers and it is very trying to see her that way so I know somewhat of how you are feeling. There is help out there. If you live in the US take a look at this site, it may help you both.
http://www.alz.org/mnnd/in_my_.....upport.asp
Best of luck!! :)
Hi. I read your post and wanted to respond. My father has alzheimers and I know exactly how you feel. It is a combination of frustration and guilt. It is like becoming upset with a 6 year old child for not being able to do college level work. It is simply maddening! Hang in there. I have no answers for you but you are not alone in your struggle. Perhaps it helps to know there are others feeling the exact same way as you feel. It could be worse, you could be watching him suffer with a disease that causes horrific pain. ((((Hugs))).
Sweetheart, its ok to get frustrated. It’s really difficult to do what you are doing but guess what…you should be really proud of yourself. I love to hear that there are people like you in this world that are there to love and care for others. No matter how much you are struggling at the end of the day you should be proud of yourself. You will always have this feeling of happiness and peace within yourself because you are doing something amazing by trying care of your grandpa. There is no need to feel guilty for getting anger, I’m sure your grandpa would understand if he could and he would forgive you. It’s only natural, you are human too and have the right to get frustrated. Keep up the good work!