Long time illness…see no way out
Posted by Anon in Guilt on Nov 1st, 2010 | 3 commentsI am on dialysis. I keep getting horrible blood infections. I have 2 kids and a wonderful husband who I feel is being pushed past his ability to cope. Im in the hospital again getting treated for another blood infection…the second this month. I want to off myself badly, so that maybe just maybe my kids and husband can have a less burdened life because I can’t see anyway to get through it right now other than this
3 Responses to “ “Long time illness…see no way out”
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Great example for your kids. Leave them a lesson that says “if the going is tough, give up”.
May I suggest you show them a cheerful and indefatigable mien. If it doesn’t come out, reach inside and wrench it out kicking and screaming. For your kids.
Or you can do the ultimate selfishness and off yourself.
Please hang in there… I can’t say I know what you’re going through, or that I understand, because no one can fully know those things but you; however, I CAN say with certainty that you have value. You are valuable. You are loved. There has not, is not, and will not EVER be another you in the whole existence of mankind. Your family is struggling and having a hard time because they love you, and you are suffering, you are sick. They love you; when you love someone, their pain gives you pain, their happiness gives you happiness. It’s hard for you, too… at a time like this, when your health is in jeopardy, you need to focus on your own health; it’s okay to be selfish sometimes!! And now is the time, be selfish, care about your health, don’t worry about anyone or anything else. Your family will be okay. They are struggling because they love you; if you “off” yourself, how much more will they be hurt? If you do not commit suicide, there are two things that can happen. One option is that your time comes, and God takes you away naturally; your family will be sad and they will miss you and they will be heartbroken… but they will learn to cope because as humans, we have to adapt and learn to take things as they naturally come… that’s life. They will be able to cope because they will know that it was your time to go, and there was nothing else that anyone could do. They could cope because they would HAVE to, and they would look forward to and cling to the hope of seeing you again one day, in Heaven. The second outcome is that… you survive. You live, and you spend precious time with your family and loved ones. Yes, life can be hard, and I am sure that life IS hard for you now, but… you’re alive, and you have a loving family, and there IS a God who made you and loves you. I am around Cancer patients often; individuals that are fighting and struggling and living on every day; they are so beautiful. Really beautiful. They shine in ways that I can not, you shine in a way that I do not. I have not been through such hardships, not the physical hardships that I see my patients face with every breath they take… but still, they breathe, and breathing is something that takes courage and strength and beauty. It’s inspiring, to go through so much but still have hope, but it’s true… there is ALWAYS hope. Hope for life, and even hope after life, in Jesus. Hope is never gone, it’s just that we sometimes have another plan in mind, or hope for the wrong things.
I don’t know why you’re going through what you’re going through; no one does. Life is hard, it’s a challenge for everyone on this Earth. But it’s a gift. You’re here, and there’s a reason you’re here. You’re beautiful, and you are valuable. Hang in there. I have lost an Uncle to possible suicide, and it hurts, it really hurts. It hurts much more than the pain that I felt for him when he was still alive. I coped because I loved him. But his children, his wife, his parents and sisters and even I… it’s hard not to blame ourselves. It hurts a lot, way more, I’d much rather him be here with me, even if he depends on everyone to live and can’t take care of himself, it’s okay, at least he was here. But he’s gone… did he do it because he was worried he was a burden on us? That would make it our faults. And he’s gone, regardless of blame; that hurts the most.
Don’t kill yourself, okay? Anything but that. Your family loves you, more people than you realize love you. I love all of my patients, so much, and they might not know that, they’ll probably never realize that I love and pray for all of them because I’m running around like a crazy lady passing meds and doing paperwork and such all day, haha. You are loved and you are valuable, and God died for you; he sacrificed Himself for you, and I’m sure it wasn’t for you to take your life away. I’m sorry you’re going through so much… but be selfish, think of yourself, heal, hang in there… when the time comes for you to pass on (as it will for everyone), then go, it’s okay, let yourself go and know that it’s time. Your family will learn to cope because everyone who is alive will have to learn to cope with the death of loved ones; I’m sure you probably already have, too. It hurts, but it’s part of life. But don’t kill yourself, if you do the guilt will burden your family more than anything else they face in life, most definitely. YOU aren’t a burden, disease is a burden, and it’s affecting both your family AND you. Hate the disease, not yourself. It’s not your fault, you aren’t a burden, you are beautiful and alive. Cherish your family and loved ones, make the most out of the life that you have; pray, cry because it hurts, rant and scream because you feel like it, tell others about what you are going through, go to support groups, exercise (stretch, do range of motion exercises, anything can help!), do what it takes for YOU to cope. If you are able to cope, your family will be able to cope.
And I know I’ve repeated myself a lot during this message, but I hope it helps you. Take life as it comes, face the battles and hardships, but don’t become your own greatest danger by offing yourself; if you look at the end result of offing yourself- which is, of course, death, then what can be done after that? Nothing, but your family will be left behind confused and traumatized, wondering what went wrong or what could have been. For every person in this life, the worst that can happen is death (either of self or of another). That is the most final thing on this Earth (AFTER death is another story, though…). It would be much better to take things as they come, and win and lose battles as a family. At least, in the end, you will have stood together and done your best, fought your hardest; with that, there is no one to blame. What happens, happens, and you can all know that you have done your best and have no regrets about that. Like every person, you will continue to live, and you will eventually die… but don’t create your own end of the story, or you might miss out on the best part.
God loves you, I love you, your family loves you. Live until God takes you. You’re beautiful, please know that you are valuable.
Jesus died as a sacrifice for our sins. Jesus died for you, and for me, for God’s glory, because He loves us. I believe that, and I pray that you do too. If so, then life is life, and death is life in the fullest. If you believe that, then we will live together in Heaven one day, and I will look forward to that very much, sister. You are loved, please know that most of all.
I too got sick and had no support from my husband….Your husband is by your side? You want to give up? You are blessed!!! Its been three yrs since my seperation and had my surgery….I Found a great man now and am so glad I didnt do what came through my mind many times. What kept me going then were my 3 kids. I did not want them tackling on this world without the help from their mom. I have more life to me now…It gets better…Prayin for you. Keep your head up!