i am 31 years old and have fantasies about molesting children.
i know this is wrong and people will say “your sick!” “burn in hell!” ect. but i cant help how i feel. imagine being homosexual like back in the 50s or something and having certain feelings and knowing how society views them. i cant really get any help without actually molesting a child,getting incarcerated and then getting state ordered treatment. i have molested a child before in my life when i was younger. it was an incestual relationship with a younger family member. i see young girls in the mall or parks(no i dont hang out there) and im aroused by them and ill stare at them fantasizing and catch myself. i actually have 2 daughters and i love them dearly and wouldnt want anyone to molest them. the thought of having sex with my own daughters disgusts me. i really wonder to myself “is this how normal men feel when they think of sex with children? digusted?” i honestly wish i didnt have these feelings i really do… but i do. i was molested by a neighbor boy when i was about 6 or 7. when i was incarcerated when i was a teen for molesting my family member i got counseling and it helped(i think if i didnt get it i would have re-offended) but this is an embarrassing problem with strong stigmas attached. so i masturbate to lolicon and the like to satisfy this awful deviant hunger for young girls. the crazy thing is i have a healthy appetite for grown women i love full figured rubenesque women(which is kind of the antithesis of flat chested boney little girls). i purposely foster an air that i dislike children and refuse to watch friends children because im attracted to their children and dont trust myself. i know this is rambling and disjointed but i just needed to say these things out loud to vent. i need help i hate myself