i want to die.
Posted by Anonymous in Guilt on Apr 8th, 2010 | 13 comments.. the one thing i would like out of this life. is for it to end.
in 50 years time. friends , family everyone will have died that you had an effect on.
and your place in the world , will be forgotten.
thats it. i dont believe in heaven – i will simply be gone.
i feel guilt for desperatly wanting this.
i havnt told anyone, because i project something quite different.as to save myself hassel from people asking questions.
i will usually be the one making jokes and making others laugh.
im bulimic. a self harmer.
and im so ashamed of what iv done to my arms and legs through cutting. nobody knows that i cut. but last week.
i started cutting.
very deep… i then tried to loose as much blood as possible. there was blood everywhere.
but as i started to become dizzy and then realised.
if i kill myself.
nobody will know that im dead.- for a week, and that was such a horrible horrible thought.
im funny and clever,(i feel stupid saying that. but none of this matters.)
as i want to die.
-i know i have loads of positive things in my life. i was never raped or a victim of something devestating… and i spend alot of time trying to help other people get over any problems in their life.
but im a fraud. this image is a lie.
im 21. female.
on anti-depressants . different ones since i was 17
i try so hard to make other people happy. to be the best- as to reassure myself that im not worthless.
as i suspect .
i probably am.
13 Responses to “ “i want to die.”
Leave a Reply
Subscribe
Go ahead and do what yu have to if you
think it so positively all the best.
hehe
What about you try and make so much of a difference that the effects of your actions will till influence others (or their children) 50 years from now. Life is pointless, as long as you allow it to be like that.
Just chill–and If you don’t believe in Heaven and Hell then nothing you do on earth matters–Just go ahead and do whatever you have always wanted to. Go to another country, or rob a bank. If you don’t believe in repercussions, then why try to live the standard life?
oh darling daughter you are worth something, to me you are worth everything in the world that I could give you. You are smart absolutely beautiful and it tears my heart to hear you in so much pain, I wish I could take it all away, I wish I could hold you so you can feel my love pour into your broken heart. I love you daughter, I’ve loved you all my life. You are the best thing I ever did, you are the best part of me. I am so proud of the amazing person you’ve grown to be, if only her can hear me when I whisper that into your ear while you sleep… I do you know, I’ve sat at the end of your bed just watching you while you sleep… you are beautiful.
Dear Want to Die,
I wrote this kinda letter to you beause it sounded like you needed a mothers nurturing touch, a loving mother, I know I am not your mother, but to me what you wrote was a scream out for some kind of tenderness of a mom, Im a mom of two daughters, I try my best to be “that” mom who is tender, kinda, (my gram was my nuturer)
I thought if I could be abit warm and gentle with you maybe that would take just abit of this feeling of unworthyness way. if you’d like, I’d love to be here for you, as a internet mom persay ; )
take care my sweet girl… leave me your email and I will most def email you back ;)
I too wanted to die. I was pregnant and 20 and all alone. No one understood how I felt. To have a life inside me and want to die, how horrible. I wanted to take my life while still pregnant. Miraculous things happened. I had a miscarriage, grieved terribly. I thought that God took my child because I was a bad mother. Turns out, this was not the case. I’m 26 now and happily married. If it weren’t for the things that have happened, I never would have met my husband. It gets better. I promise. It sucks and it gets worse, but it all gets better. Dying is not the answer. There are wonderful things in store for you, you just have to have faith. (I’m spiritual, not religious so don’t think I’m trying to preach to you)
Please go see your doctor!! I was in the exact same boat as you UNTIL I GOT ON THE RIGHT MEDICATIONS.
And I should add it took almost 2 1/2 years to find the right meds. It was a lot of trial and error. But I’m so grateful that my doctor and I got it figured out. I’m loving life and everyone in it, including myself. Please don’t give up.
I’ve never been good with words but here it goes.
I may only be a dumb kid but hopefully what I write might reach you because I want you to know what someone cares.
I have anorexia so I can relate about being fake and your outside image being a lie. I’ve attempted suicide twice, nobody has ever found out and yet it has made me love the simple things in life and made me realise there are things I will miss such as rain, I really love rain.
I’m sure you can find something, no matter how small it might be that you love, something that makes you smile.
Something that makes you feel real again.
Don’t give in!
Whenever you feel down or sad please read this:
Someone out in the world, a stranger. Me.
Wants you to live
Wants you to throw away the razors and knives
Wants you to laugh and smile
I know you’re beautiful and brilliant! I’m sure your family and friends know too. So talk to them, even if it’s only 1 person. It will make a difference, like a weight has been lifted.
I love you :)
Don’t. Someone will miss you. Someone will always miss you.
I have never in my life seen so many utterly useless people in the world and even worst the larger amount of people who are enablers.
Girl get a backbone and face the world head on. Go out and make a difference in the world. Work a soup kitchen, pass out blankets to the homeless. Buy food and go looking for homeless people and feed them.
And as far as faith is concern, thats an issue that needs serious attention. Your crisis of faith is one that would probably change your outlook, but it requires a paradigm shift and counseling
from your pastor or priest. You need to find a church and address this 1st.
Good Luck!!
Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, they serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson or help figure out who you are or who you want to become.
You never know who these people may be; your roommate, your neighbor, professor, long lost friend, lover or even a complete stranger who, when you lock eyes with them, you know that very moment that they will affect your life in some profound way.
And sometimes things happen to you and at the time they seem horrible, painful and unfair, but in reflection you realize that without overcoming those obstacles you would never have realized your potential, strength, will power of heart.
Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of good or bad luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments or true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of the soul.
Without these small tests, if they be events, illnesses or relationships, life would be like a smooth paved, straight, flat road to nowhere. Safe and comfortable but dull and utterly pointless.
The people you meet who affect your life and successes and downfalls you experience, they are the ones who create who you are. Even the bad experience can be learned from… Those lessons are the hardest and probably the most important ones.
If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart, forgive them, for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart.
If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because they are teaching you to love and opening your heart and eyes to things you would have never seen or felt without them.
Make every day count. Appreciate every moment and take from it everything that you possibly can, for you may never be able to experience it again.
Talk to people you have never talked to before, and actually listen, let yourself fall in love, break free and set your sights high.
You can make of your life anything you wish.
Create your own life and then go out and live it!
im sorry about the way you feel, but you need to get over it. i have been through soo much in my life and i still love life and u say you`ve never had anything bad happen to you and u wann die, come on-if u dont believe in a after life and u believe your nothing whne you die, then start living. start enjoying what this life has to offer. dont live for anyone but u do what makes you happy (exclude hurtin urself or others) live life-because its the best gift in the world-think back to when u were a child and nothing matter-look at a child and seee how nothing matters to them-they just live maybe u should do that just live.
Hey sweety! I just wanted to let you know that even if there is no God or Heaven or anything for us after we leave, live for today and not tomarrow. Tomarrow hasn’t happened yet, it never does. It’s always today. You’ve always got something and someone to live for today. You’ve always got yourself. You’re your own combat vehicle and this life is your war. So put your boots on the ground and get ready to smash heads! As for what people will think of you because of your arms and legs…well, **** EM! Who gives a shit what they think because they don’t know you, they can’t feel what you feel. They haven’t walked in your shoes. Stand up, slap a bitch you don’t like, and go skydiving…NAKED!!