Dear Mum,

I know i’m just your biggest disappointment out of all my three other siblings.
I used to say i hated you when i was 13 after you had your boyfriend too soon after the divorce with Dad.
I was too much trouble for you, and unintentionally turned a few family members against you. I didn’t mean to, i promise.

I’m 15 now, i’ve matured tremendously. I love you, you know that.. because now we have the best relationship any mother and daughter could have.
But behind all our laughs and smiles, i can’t help but feel like you’re disappointed in me.

I’m bisexual. I never wanted to be, i actually tried to convince myself that i wasn’t. But i couldn’t help it, my first girl crush was when i was just 5. I eventually accepted my sexuality when i was 13.
Dad knows about it, and he accepts it because he just wants me to happy. But i can’t find the courage to tell you. Dad has even offered to help me confess to you, but i can’t. You’ve made a lot of lesbian jokes and you’ve said that lesbians are disgusting before.

I just don’t want to disappoint you even more.
I don’t want you to be embarrassed and ashamed of me.
No female in our family are lesbian or bisexual.
Just my uncle, your brother, is gay. But gay men are more accepted in our very small town.
But even then, you sometimes even make fun of his sexuality and joke that he’s my “auntie” instead of uncle.

My friends know about my sexuality, too. They’ve lovingly accepted it.

I feel like i’m lying to you, like i’m betraying you.
You have the right to know everything about me.
You know that i used to smoke ciggarettes and hash, and sniffed cocaine.
But this is different.. i just think that you would be disgusted by me.

I don’t want to ruin our relationship, you’re more than a mum to me.. i feel like you’re also my best friend.
So i think it’s just best if i never tell you.