Confessing to my BF
Posted by AK918 in Guilt on Aug 3rd, 2010 | 12 commentsLast year i was raped by one of my best friend at his place. i was horrified and was in a shock and honestly didnt know wht to do and whm should i go to seek help.
After a week i confessed it to my boyfriend that i was raped but at that point of time i didnt tell him the whole incident that it was my best friend who did it. I lied to him that the person who did it was a stranger. Some days back i confessed everythng to my boyfriend that it was my best friend who raped. Now he thinks that i never loved him and i was just doing two timing with him. he is very upset and he feels that it wasnt a rape but it was something i didnt do it with my consent. How do i make him trust that it was a rape and that i lied only cos i didnt wanted him to think this way? Pls help
12 Responses to “ “Confessing to my BF”
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That’s the problem with half truths. When the story changes, we don’t know how much more it’s going to change. And rape isn’t exactly the kind of thing you expect to hear a half truth on. I mean, if you got raped, what difference does it make who did it?
Still, you asked for help. You want your boyfriend to believe you? Call a rape crisis center, get help for what it did to you, and ask them for help in getting your ‘best friend’ to apologize for what he did on tape. Then get him prosecuted before he rapes any more of his ‘friends’. I think you’ll be surprised to know how many other girls he’s done this too. And when you prosecute for rape, your boyfriend will realize your not just making up a wild story to hide your cheating.
It makes a difference to him. our relation (me n my bf) was not a normal relation he hardly use to give me time so i use to get frustrated and use to go out with my friends. and my friend was very good looking guy. my bf had a complex also. That was the problem i lied to him. He thinks that he was good looking thats why i did it but this is not the truth. I dont know how do i explain him
Then that’s your problem – your ‘friend’ is a good looking guy & your boyfriend felt threatened by him. He was afraid you liked him more than you were letting on. And now he knows you slept with him, so his worst fear has been realized. In his mind, you traded up.
The only way to prove it to him is to call the cops (& a rape crisis center) and help get the rapist prosecuted. It’s beyond me why you’re protecting a rapist while your boyfriend suffers doubts about your commitment to him. Your actions (and lack of) are telling him otherwise. It even sounds to me like you put yourself in the situation where you and pretty boy might get it on, and don’t believe yourself that it was rape. That’s the only reason I can think of that you wouldn’t go after (and stop) a rapist.
If he raped you, you need to do something about it. That’s the only way your boyfriend (or anyone, really) will believe you. Get the cops to help you record the conversation where you ask pretty boy why he would do that to you when you clearly didn’t want it to happen. That will show your boyfriend that it’s the truth.
1. what were you doing at your male friends house, alone while you had a boyfriend. did this happen at night? if so, why were you spending the night at your male friends house alone?
2. why did you not notify the police?
3. why did you lie to your boyfriend?
4. why did you decide to confess a year later?
honestly, this sounds like the classic “i got drunk with a male friend, we had sex but he totally took advantage of me and i didnt want it at all which is why i was alone and drinking with him”
am i wrong?
Yes, david davidson, you’re very wrong.. Until you’ve been raped yourself you have no idea of the shock, horror and trauma you’ve been through.. I would advise you to keep your mouth shut on a subject you know nothing about, you’re sounding a bit like a typical perpetrator to me by blaming the victim!!
Thanks for ur support!!!! It really hurts when ppl blame u for the things u havent done. Ppl shud understand tht no one has time to create stories and this is a confession site to confess and not to blame others….
i am with david. i was the daughter of a policeman and every saturday he got the same call from different people. My daughter was raped. It was ALWAYS a drunk with a guy kinda thing.
the only thing you can really do now is not be alone with a person. This CAN NOT happen and no one can u accuse you.
ok i already wrote tht he was my best friend and v use to hang out just as friends whc normal ppl of my age wud do secondly i was too scared to notify police n third i didnt wntd to hurt my boyfriend cos more thn him i luvd him and fourth a yr later i realize he startd luvn me n caring me even more so it wud definetely b unfair if i lied to him. hope u got al d answers
your boyf seems to be missing the point because of his own issues. and if you got raped then the focus should be on you not him. if you did in fact get raped then you should deal with it however you feel appropriate regardless of your boyfriend. if he was decent he should appreciate this and how painfully difficult the situation is to know what the right thing to do is. and you are welcome to stay at whoever the hell’s house you want. i have a boyfriend, this wouldn’t stop me staying at a male friend’s house. david davidson you can point your finger and shout ‘whore’ as much as you want but i am human and i have known my guy friends longer than my boyfriend and i would never let him dictate what i can and can’t do, that is up to me and my judgement. i would think the ‘half truth’ is making the real truth a lot more difficult to clarify, but understandably it’s not an easy situation.
if you are lying, then tell the truth about what really happened and let people make up their own minds about you and all the other facts.
isn’t life complicated??
Dear Anonymity,
Thnx for ur comment. I have already confessed the truth to him. I have also confessed it to him that earlier i was lying to him just cos i didnt wanted him to get frustrated and now i dont know what is really going in his mind cos he has stopped talking to me since last 2 days. This was my first relation i dont know wht guys thinking exactly is?? Dont know is he really hurt or what??
you didn’t want to hurt your bf so you let this other guy keep hurting you [and possibly others] by holding in this secret?? Rape is awful and ppl that would do such a horrible thing should be eaten by dogs!
Thts wht Luv is!!!! I luv him too much n cany hurt him bt at d same time i cant hide it from him also. I know he luvs me n one day he will accept me for what i am? I havent done anything wrong thats why i am sure one day he will accept me but that one day is just taking too long. N U are right such ppl shud b eaten by dogs. and even worst than this shud happen vth them.