Cheating on my husband.
Posted by Anonymous in Guilt on Aug 25th, 2009 | 41 commentsI’m a black woman, and I’ve been cheating on my husband with a white coworker for the last 9 months. I feel guilty about it, but I can’t stop.
It’s not something I planned to happen. It just did. I just started kissing him one day, and wound up going down on him. I promised myself nothing like that would ever happen again, but the next time, we had sex in his office. Now, we get together about twice a week, going to a motel during our lunch break. Each time, I swear that it will be the last time, but it never is.
I know my husband doesn’t deserve to be betrayed like this, but I can’t help it. My husband is a great man, but I don’t really love him. I married him to make my parents happy, because I am a black woman who’s expected to marry a black man, and who’s father would never accept her involvement with a white man.
But, my coworker, he reminds me of a white boyfriend I had in college who I was very much in love with. A relationship I ended because of my family.
The affair fulfills me. It’s satisfying in a way my marriage is not. That’s not my husband’s fault. It’s mine.
I’m tied up in knots. I want to come clean to my husband about the entire thing, but I can’t. I have a child to worry about as well, which makes it harder to tell my husband and probably destroy my marriage.
I don’t want to end the affair either, even though I know I should. I enjoy being with him.
41 Responses to “ “Cheating on my husband.”
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Well sweety Its like this: You can’t have your cake and eat it too. Either be married and be faithful to your black husband OR divorce and try to make a life with your white man.
You are right about one thing neither one of you deserves this betrayal. Also you are a big girl and should care less what mama & daddy thinks.
I hope you can find a happy medium in which to resolve this dilema
Good Luck
I agree if you truly love and respect your husband as a person, which I believe you do, than you should tell him you have fallen out of love and that you think you should part ways. You don’t have to tell him it about someone else. Your family will eventually accept you, but you will be able to better love yourself and have better love to give if you accept the truth, others around you will admire and respect that
You don’t have to end the affair, but for the sake of your husband and yourself, you should leave your marriage. Screw your parents.
looking at the whole relationship
with u and white guy/ seems both ofyu
are enjoying physical relations rather
than anything else/ i am sure
physical relations have alife of there
own and will end/ dont ever feel you
are cheating on yr husband as you admitt
that this relation is make yur life more
exciting / have both and fate will bring one day what shuld happen. allt hebest
just keep doing what you are doing if you enjoy it. you only live once. just make sure your husband doesn’t find out.
:) Im a guy and i love when woman say stuff like that.. lol.. not trying to be sick.. Do what you gotta do girl just dont ever tell him about it!
I agree. Do what makes you happy. Leave him one day if you want.
first of all, affairs are never “planned” they always do “just happen”. but if u were fully committed to ur husband and child then u wouldnt have gotten urself into this mess in the first place, right? second, the fact that u are with ur co worker becuz he reminds u of an ex bf u had is completely wrong. u dont want to be with him, u want to be with ur ex. third, u said ” i want to come clean to my husband but i cant” u dont want to come clean to ur husband. u are just feeling guilty about what u are doing but want to keep on doing it. coming clean to him will not destroy ur marriage because u have already done that. by cheating n being unfaithful u have single handedly destroyed ur marriage. im sure ur husband suspects SOMETHING. he deserves to know. u are being very disrespectful to ur husband, child, lover, and most importantly, urself. u need to straighten things out. u obviously dont want to be with ur hubby so u should just end it. its unfair to him if u keep stringing him along. its unhealthy for a child to grow up in a house with parents who dont love each other. separation is best in this case. if u want to be with ur co worker then thats fine (whats done is done) just leave ur husband. do the right thing. it may be hard but u cant live ur life trying to please mommy and daddy ur whole life.
If this guy makes you happy. And you husband doesn’t you should leave your husband. If you love your husband and this guy makes you happy. Just don’t let your husband know and enjoy life. You and this guy may not last. So enjoy him while he is there.
First off..Don’t use the child as an excuse to not leave a marriage you no longer wish to be in. I don’t believe in staying in a marriage for the sake of kids.. It’s a cop-out if you ask me. Second of all you are an adult that deserves to be happy. Your parent’s don’t have a say in what you do….If they cant except you for who you are and the choices you make then what kind of parents are they…. do you live your life pleasing others or yourself? You’re obviously doing something for yourself by being with the white man so why cant you take that same power and stand up for yourself…. Good luck!
Enjoy it while it last because the affair will come to an end. When it does, do not obsess over it and return to your husband and family. I know how tough it is when you don’t love your partner but feel like you can’t leave.
[quote comment="4195"]If this guy makes you happy. And you husband doesn’t you should leave your husband. If you love your husband and this guy makes you happy. Just don’t let your husband know and enjoy life. You and this guy may not last. So enjoy him while he is there.[/quote]
I think you’re right. I would never say this in public, but if this affair makes you happy and satisfies your sexual needs, by all means continue but don’t tell your husband. What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him, but be very discreet about it. Life is short and if you can’t have fun at home, look for it somewhere else. Don’t feel guilty about it, just enjoy this while you can. Soon this guy might be gone, or something else might happen. You’re not a bad person just for enjoying sex and affection twice a week. Those people who criticize you would probably do the same if they had the opportunity!! Don’t break up your marriage – for the sake of your little one. Also you don’t know if the white guy wants a committed relationship. He might just like it the way it is, and trying to tie him down might ruin everything. Why risk your marriage and go through the stress of divorce when you might end up a single mom?
All the best…
Isabella
Dont tell your husband, confessing your guilt will only hurt him. Keep it to yourself.
ive dated aafs all my life married to a black women, and love what your doin, you only live once, i have founf that im very spontanious and open minded, and love to fantasize about black women i cant have wish we could hook up, and black women are the sexiest things on this earth stay in touch with me,
The feed left by “Hm.” I believe is spot on the mark… Great advice! Babe i hope everything works out alright.
hey i think dis sistah’s finally learnin that as i say: once u go white, you’ll know its so right. btw im white. lol. or once u go white, you’ll be up all nite. or maybe once u go white, u’ve seen the light. or even: once u go white, u’ll feel so right. one more, perhaps the best: once u go white, u’ll never be tight.
p.s. wow, white boy better be careful messin wif a brother’s sistah! damn opie better not get caught or he’ll be gettin an old fashioned whoopin in the hood. can u say o.j.?
Nice, “herb”. “White boy better be careful…?” Really? How about we point out that the black whore should be getting her ass beat for screwing around on her husband?
wow anon, sounds like u r advocating violence as payback for fooling around. violence just for exercising one’s sexuality? sounds macho and controlling and evil. not to mention insecure. hmmmm.
Here, Here! Very well said Herb!;-) You’re my Hero.:)
[quote comment="4287"]ive dated aafs all my life married to a black women, and love what your doin, you only live once, i have founf that im very spontanious and open minded, and love to fantasize about black women i cant have wish we could hook up, and black women are the sexiest things on this earth stay in touch with me,[/quote]
Careful Mr. Chitown…I may give you my number…
You cheated on your husband. You broke your marriage vows made between you, your husband and God. You’ve betrayed your children, your husband’s trust, your family’s trust. Your guilt is probably fading each time you engage in this deplorable act – that’s because your conscience is slowly getting silenced each time you do it. Sin has a terrible price with it, chick. You need to come clean with your husband and end the affair – COMPLETELY. And NEVER go back. Never call. never e-mail. Never anything. All that energy and time you’ve wasted on someone you’re not married to should’ve went to your husband. Get into counseling with your husband on how to meet his needs and how he can grow to meet your needs and work on being together. Prayerfully, your husband will be willing to forgive you, but if you truly love your husband as you say you do, you won’t continue to lie to him.
Trust me…I’ve seen three people get caught in their affairs THIS YEAR – one ending in a very NASTY divorce and two ending in people losing their jobs. Don’t listen to the bull people have been feeding you on here – you KNOW you’re wrong because you posted on here and you feel guilty. The last thing you need to do is continue down the wrong path….it WILL eventually catch up to you (you reap what you sow).
I’m the same person who made this confession. I wanted to update. I am still married to my husband, and still seeing my lover on the side, and my husband still doesn’t seem to suspect anything. I’ve come to terms with my cheating. I love my husband. I do, and I’ve decided to stay married for the sake of my son. I’m continuing to meet my lover about 3 times a week now. It’s just sex between us, raw and passionate ******* with no expectations of anything more. I don’t think either one of us wants more than that right now. I’ve also had a couple of one night stands with other men as well since I wrote this. My husband doesn’t really match my energy or enthusiasm level, and I find myself seeking out other men who do fulfill me. I’m more uninhibited with my lover than my husband.
I’ve thought about divorcing my husband, but honestly I find the thrill from my adultery to be a part of the passion, and I don’t think I’m going to stop any time soon.
well at least you’re honest about it, but don’t you think your husband may deserver better, are there any moments where you feel empathy for how he has the pitiful end of this deal. doesn’t he maybe deserve the truth? I am just wondering how you deal with that aspect of the situation.
She’s not being honest about it, if she were, her husband would know the truth.
I bet you will stop when you are diagnosed with HIV from cheating on your husband and having the one night stands. Once you get HIV, there is no cure.
It all boils down to this Anonymous, if this didn’t bother you and you didn’t feel no guilt about it we would of never heard this story. The fact that you sent this story in means that the guilt that comes with cheating is weighing you down big time. The problem is you think your actualy getting what you need from this right now but let me tell you it’s a very short term fix and at the end of the day your problems are still going to be there staring you dead in the eye. It’s just that now you’ve made it worse for you, your baby, and your husband. At some point you gotta stop being all about me me me and start thing about your family first(novel idea)right! Act like a grownup and do whats right it may hurt at first but in the end it will all work out. And you can love your parents and still be your own person. GROW UP!!!
Anonymous in Guit,
I have to say one day will catch up with you. You will eventually stop cheating, you will be filled up with so much guilt that your husband will probably leave you for good. You will probably have a bad name in town. Your best bet is to enjoy the times while you have it. Once done, there is a piper to pay. Who will it be? The child? The ex husband, or husband? or your fellow co-workers because they will run to tattle your bad habits to the top of management to keep you from getting promoted. If you do not work, and your husband does all the work, bringing home cash to pay bills and your lifestyle, and extras. I think you are just being selfish in your own unkind act that is taking place between you and the men. One day will come when this stuff will blow up in your face. Please do not come crying to these boards. You will have to face the guilt that will be horrible to look at.
texas thomas
In other words, he could get even with you by doing the same thing you did to him in the past, which is safer, rather than killing that other white guy like some black guys would do if they caught their black gf or wife with another man of a different race. Believe it or not, men get back at wives who cheat on them like crazy by doing the same thing.
I’m late commenting but let me add my opinion. My (white) husband cheated on me with a black co-worker. He confessed and we have since reconciled but it is confusing. Not only did it hurt me more than anything but makes me think black women have no morals or class for being with a married man. What you are doing will cause harm to all those around you. Respect yourself and your husband and come clean. What you are doing is making yourself sound cheap, easy and will effect you soon enough. Again, YOU NEED TO CONFESS.
cb in al, sweet lady, you are basing your judgement of black women on 2 women’s experiences? How absurd! You have not heard of white women who cheat on their husbands? That is called racism dear lady. Do you feel that your own husband who broke your wedding vows has morals and class but not the women he cheated with? That is confusing to me.
Anonymous, I’d say leave the marriage, you are using your husband and that is not right.
I think you need to be truthful with your husband and yourself. The key is, you admit you don’t love him, well give him the chance to find happiness with someone that does. As for you, you need to be alone for a long time. You’re apparently not mentally healthy enough to be in a committed relationship, number one, you’re a grown woman that’s scarred of her parents and what they think about you, so obviously, you’re not mature enough to be in an adult relationship. High school and college days are long behind you, time to grow up.
I can tell you this, if you don’t love him leave him. Why do you stay? Please don’t continue this affair. Your going to destroy yourself. Your husband is not stupid either. He may be cheating on you. Because a man knows when you been with some one else because of the way you avoid sex with him and the way you can’t look him in the eyes when you talk.
Don’t fool yourself. He knows.
Your up s*** creek without a paddle.
i just have to comment here. You are obviously using your husband. You admitted you dont love him, and you are now starting to get accustom to cheating on him. You admitted you enjoy the pleasure of adultery. Look of the word adultery in the bible and see what happens to those who indulge in it. You will die one day, and you will face GOD. You will be held accountable for everything you’ve done. Them men pleasuring you wont do nothing but have you pleasuring the devil when you are burning in hell for your intimacy adultery that you already confessed out of your mouth that you enjoy. You need some serous JESUS
If you love your husband and family, why leave? Keep the affair discrete and enjoy while it last. These types of things don’t last forever. Also, you sex drive will go down after some time and you’ll lose interest. After that, go back to your family and enjoy the memories.
I’m confused as to why you posted in the 1st place if you didn’t plan on making a change. I know you originally set out to make your parents proud and them NOT respecting you as an individual is what got you into the 1st mess of marriage. You weren’t ready to marry and you currently shouldn’t be. How would you feel if your child’s spouse was doin this to them? Your actions are not something that can easily be undone. You have already hurt everyone in your selfish charade, its just a matter or time before it comes to light. I say you leave the marriage so that man has some sort of dignity and quality of life left, maybe your child will still respect you when they are old enough to understand and look for help because what you are doing is a reflection of a serious character flaw and very selfish. I hope you choose to do the responsible thing here. Good luck, karmas a b!tch.
my husband is 65 am 30. but i don’t love him. he have two duaghters with his ex wife but i don’t have any child. I want to leave i need help. And we have been together for 5years now. I really need help please
Gold, why don’t you leave? What is holding you back? You shouldn’t have to live like this and be unhappy. You are still so young and can make a life with someone who can make you happy.
Okay i feel for you and the situation! Your husband deserves to know but it can be so hard. Maybe you can seek counseling to help you come to a resolution. I am also married and unforunately the same thing is happening me! Yes am sleeping with a white guy now and I fear telling my husband.
Your honesty is commendable. If it bothers you that you’re cheating on your husband, think carefully about how you would feel were the situation reversed. Would you like finding out that your husband is cheating on you. How would his doing so affect your relationship? Anyway, if you respect your husband and your marriage, stop cheating today but if you must have the new man in your life, be honest and separate from your husband. The racial choice of your mate is really not the issue here; it’s that you are being reminded of an old love who happens to be white. If your preference is to marry someone white, why not confront your relatives with your choice. You have a right to love whomever you choose, regardless of race but you are doing this whole process wrong by cheating on your husband.
There are morales lacking here. No one should ever cheat on their spouse. Selfishness is a world wide problem in American Society. How sad!!!!!!!