cheater
Posted by a fool in Guilt on Feb 11th, 2009 | 13 commentsIm 23 years old. I fell in love with a girl who was a virgin. She loved me with everything she had. She talked of kids and marriage( I know she meant every word). I was the most horrible person to her. I did her love her but I just had a lot of problems. I cheated on her a couple of times with my ex and lied about things. I eventually figured out that I was/am a sex addict. Everytime I cheated or lied to her I hated myself more and more but the cycle kept on. She tried for 2 long years trying to get me to go to counseling and everything. She finally left me 4 months ago. I dont blame her(she was just trying to be happy), but as the days pass I realize more and more how much she actually means to me and how lucky I was. Everyday I hate myself for what I did to her. She is the most beautiful thing to grace my life. My heart feels as if I will never be happy with myself again for the pain i caused(I guess i deserve this). If I only had one more chance I would try so hard and if it didnt work i could live with that but just knowing that I was so fucked up and stupid about it in the past just leaves me up in the air. So I guess a life of misery is what lays ahead of me. I just hope im strong enough to eat the sorrow everyday and not kill myself and take the easy way out. I love you so much, If I could die and take back all the bad things I would in a heartbeat. I may find someone again but I know they wont compare to you or love me as much as you did. Everyday I’ll think of you and when I lay down to sleep youll always be on my mind. You are the one for me and you know that but your in a new relationship with one of your old friends( i think its just for comfort).I hope you come back to me one day when im more put together and let me show you who i really am. Its gonna be so hard to hear about when you get married, and when you get pregnant by another man. Im sure when I hear the news I’ll fall to the ground and cry. Im getting a tattoo with the words “Im sorry” just in case I ever forget the pain I caused you. Best wishes love of my life.
13 Responses to “ “cheater”
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People make mistakes – sometimes people make them repeatedly. If this woman is as important as you say she is, you’d do everything (and I mean, EVERYTHING) to get her back.
Get yourself some help and turn your life around. I’m only telling you this because after reading everything you said, I am exactly like you, but far worse. In the end, I’m married to the woman I’ve cheated on and happily married for 12 years. You’re young, but you’ve plenty of time to right your wrong.
Go get your dream girl back.
Wow, you should invest in therapy. I’m glad she left you and I’m glad that you hurt. If you really loved her, you wouldn’t have cheated. You wouldn’t have wanted to cheat. Now, the only reason you feel like shit is because you are alone. However, this sounds like what you need because you obviously don’t know what you want (except not to be alone). Also, the part about you getting a tattoo saying “I’m sorry” makes you sound unstable. There’s no point in wasting the money to get a lame tattoo that you will totally regret in 6 months.
My advice: Leave her alone and let her find someone who will treat her right. Take some time for yourself to grow up and become a man.
P.S. “Sex-aholic” is made up “disease.” Just admit that you aren’t ready to settle down and that you enjoy random sex. Blaming a fake disease for your actions won’t help you at all.
To ToughLove i appreciate your input but the thing is I don’t have random sex. Ive had 3 partners in my entire life, that’s a pretty low number compared to probably most guys my age. All of the girls ive had sex with have been from relationships, if you failed to notice the one who i cheated with was an ex.
The tattoo idea I honestly dont think would be a waste of time because no matter where I am in my life I will still be sorry for my actions even if she doesnt come back because she means that much to me.
Also, you thinking this is mostly the actions of me not wanting to be alone is totally wrong. I never had a girlfriend in my entire time through high school. I chased one girl for a couple of years and she ended up being my first when I was 18. I know how to be alone and I’m pretty comfortable at it. The thing is I want to be with this woman and I can wait for her if need be. I just want another chance because she is such a wonderful person and I do care for her. Honestly, it sounds like youve been burned in the past and are still angry about it. Thanks Anon, best of luck to you.
Toughlove, you are right on with this sorry excuse of a (ahem) man. I hope this woman finds herself a real man, a man who will treat her with kindness and shower her with happiness.
I hope she gets married and 6 months later you run into her so you can imagine in your mind the pounding this guy is giving her in the sack and youre NOT!!!!!
You should get a tattoo on your forehead that says “BOY” cause you ain’t and never will be a man.
In fact you should consider sexual reassignment surgery cause youre already a puss. You just need to cornholed a few times. I’m sure you will enjoy it.
Finally “GROW UP”
the last two comments sound like they are from girls who couldnt keep their boyfriends. you guys are stupid. as for “cheater”, you are sorry, you made a mistake. there is nothing more you can do but move on. it hurt, and it will be hard, but time heals all wounds. if it was meant to be, you two will be together. maybe she just wants time to herself to heal her own wounds that you caused. you need to start thinking more clearly and get your life straightened out if you want a second chance. just give it time. maybe you’ll find a girl who you were really meant to be with.
You said,”So i guess a life of misery it what lies ahead” I disagree. You’re only 23. I’m 24 and have made mistakes that could ruin the rest of my life but I decided a few months ago to live optimistically. I no longer claim negative things like that over my life. I am the one in control of my future, no one else. So i’m going to make the most of it. So should you! Give yourself time to mend.
If you are willing to change for her, go to a councillor like she wants you to. It will help you and even if she finds another guy you can still be part of her life, people can and do love two (or more) people at one time.
With the tattoo, the only advise I have is to get it somewhere that you can easily cover up with clothes, as some working places will not hire you if you have visible tattoos and secondly get it in a size that can be covered over by a new tattoo for if you ever decide you have made up for the mistakes you have made.
your case is not actually the worse one I heard so far. I can tell you are sincere about how sorry you are for your mistakes but dude, you need to do something about your sex urges….
Craving causes Suffering.
Right view, right thinking,right speech, right action, right livelihood, right dilligence, right mindfulness, & right concentration Cease Suffering
i know exactly how it feels like to be cheated on by someone I truly love & the father of my son. im still going through the pain right now & no single idea when it’s gonna stop hurting. if any by chance you find another love, pls make an effort to keep it & be faithful with it this time. learn from your mistakes & learn to discipline yourself.
Leave your Ex alone, she deserves better. Get over it and move on with your life. And you’re still young and you learned a tough lesson. I think you’re just feeling guilty right now and want people to feel sorry for you. But GET OVER IT! She’ll never trust you again since you cheated on her so many times, so the trust is completely gone. Get a new girlfriend and start anew. And stop being so melodramatic. And Sex Addiction is not a real disease
This happened to me.. and I read this as him telling me that. It made me feel better about the past. I’ll always care about him, I think about him from time to time, and I wish him well. Sometimes I wish I could text him to just see how he’s doing but I know it would be too difficult for both of us.
We both need to let go.
this is the best thing that ever happened to this girl. she is rid of you and has learned a lesson that will help her in life.
your punishment… the way you feel now.