Addicted

I’m addicted to pain pills. I’ve spent thousands of dollars on my habbit. My tolerence is so high that I now take 4 80mg oxycotin, or 10 methadone tablets plus 6 10mg percocets. It wasn’t to long ago that I screwed up really bad, and not paying attention to how high I was, I nearly died. The thing is, I don’t want to give up my habbit at any cost. Even my own death. For someone who does as much as I do, you would barely know it to look at me, except on occasion where I start nodding out. I’m connective, I speak pretty well, the only tell tale sign is the pin point pupils, and the green eyes, which are normally blue. I don’t want to stop, ever. But in my heart I do hold an enormous guilt to what it’ll do to my mom, my brother, my friends that love me, if next time I slip up to severe, I don’t make it back. And guilt to God, for needing an out from a life I can’t stand to live, but don’t dare to end.

2 thoughts on “Addicted

  1. Please tell your folks what is going on with you so that you can stop feeling guilty about what might happen. It is very sad but your habit is extremely dangerous. You need to be under immediate doctor’s care, preferably at a drug treatment program. Try to allow yourself help now so that you don’t overdose or do irrevocable harm to yourself. Call your doctor TODAY and start on the road to getting treatment for your problem. Let us know how you’re doing. Be well.

  2. Lynn, my mom was an alcoholic for 30 years, and i saw her give it up and stay sober with the help of a psychiatrist and 2 rehab stints.

    You will never give it up until you are ready. Until then, your friends/doctors can’t help. Reach out and you may be surprised how they respond

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