I keep on telling myself I want to help my friend improve, want to help her feel less lonely about the things happening around us. Honestly? Right now, I want to say it pains me that my true thoughts are about her ending up being reliant on me. And that the less she’s there, the more friends flock to me. Not that she was really a hindrance. I’m social in nature, and I do talk to people genuinely. In fact, I do know more people than her and more of them rely on me for emotional support. It’s only this friend of mine that I think that way, and whilst a part of me hurts at my own selfishness, part of me wonder why I think this way.
Part of it is pride, I know. My pride is high. I’m ashamed, but it’s how I think. I do want to change, but it’s how I think right now.