I hate my best friend’s wife

I’ve been very close with a friend of mine for over a decade, now. It’s actually the epitome of what a “best friendship” is. Because of that, when he started dating this girl, I expressed my reservations but was very supportive of him in every way. Eventually, they got married and I’ve always been very sweet to her and never express anything to either of them.

But I can’t deny the truth that everything about her bothers me more and more. From the irrational behaviour and beliefs, to the general white-trashy ********* to the idiotic ********* in the face of overwhelming evidence to contrary positions.

I don’t know what to do.



46 Responses to “ “I hate my best friend’s wife”

  1. wow says:

    I have so many questions. I am in a similar situation- I think. But he is my roomate and I wonder if I should act on my jealousy or not. DO you feel like it is jealousy or that the girl just really sucks…or if one might get confused by another? Its so hard to decide.

  2. Juan says:

    Oddly enough, a situation very similar to this just happened in my life. A very close friend of mine was involved with a girl who was pretty sketchy. I was not the only one who had reservations regarding the girl, though. Many mutual friends were also like, “Dude, can’t you see her true colors?!” We all could….but he married her. I guess love IS blind.

  3. Goose says:

    I feel you. Recently my best friend had the definition of a whirlwind romance with an old classmate of mine. While we always got along before, now all she does is peck at me, pushing my buttons and such. I’ve come to realize that if she were a guy, I’d punch her lights out. As sad as it is, I can’t wait for the wedding so I can just push this friendship out of my mind and move on with my life. Which, I guess is healthy, right?

  4. dv says:

    Just got in an argument with my best friends wife because she is a control freak on him and there are many lies involved from him and her and now im made to look like the bad guy for calling them both on them.

  5. rc says:

    i am in similar situation, i have a friend of over 20 years, i’m 28, i can’t stand his wife, i never liked her, i’ve always been polite and friendly towards her, they have been married for 8 years, I didnt even go to the wedding, I just thought she was using him, i’ve never got a positive good feeling from her, I hate her becuase I feel like she is horrible for him, but now it looks like i have to let them both go because he is totally intertwined with her, he’s become like this half him half her person, so it sux, but i guess its the way things go sometimes, people change and grow..i feel like i have matured and they have both become what they used to hate..and being around him drains me, i no longer want to try and encourage him in life, he sucks off my energy instead of giving me energy..he’s cheated on her, and out of guilt almost od’d..all over a stupid bitch..i’m done

    • Anonymous says:

      same situation except my friends are newly weds,and i expressed to my friend i dont like his wife,and how could i after shes admitted and been caught red handed,cheating on him with multiple people while he was an enlisted serviceman.After I told him I dont like her,he continued to bring her around me even after I told him not to at times such as my Graduation.I’ve reached my breaking point.all you can do is let them live their life,make their mistakes,and hope they grow some BA*LS!!!

  6. Jo says:

    Is this a sticky situation or what!? I’m in a very similar situation, they’re not married yet, but I feel lost on how to cope with my best friend’s fiancee.

    I am trying to keep our friendship one-on-one, no “partner” talk but it’s not easy. It helps that I’ve been upfront about my dislike of the fiancee but with wedding plans and “true love” getting in the way, it’s difficult not to talk about the loser, in-it-for-US citizenship-fiancee.

    Why don’t they believe us that it’s SO MUCH clearer when looking outside-in? If we can be friends and not talk about relationships, I think we’ll be fine.. otherwise, it’s probably best to ditch a friend who makes such completely irrational decisions and who has no value for the advice and concerns of their closest friends.

  7. RC says:

    It is beacuse all of you asses were not supportive of them in the beginning, you were jealous and tried to sabotage the relationship. Think about how that was not your business and your best friends are wimps for not being able to tell you to back off.

    • IE says:

      Totally agree. the problem here lies with jealous people not willing to let their so called best friends go on and live their life. Their BF is dating the girl, not you and obviuosly has a relation you dont’t. They just can’t stand not be the center of attention. Try counseling.

      • Hoorah says:

        I disagree,you dont have everyone’s full story,for example my situation is not jealousy.My best friend rushed into marriage with a girl that gave it up the first time they met in person(they met on myspace)and after talking to her for 3 weeks,decided he wants to marry the sl*t…She sleeps with anything that walks including her high school teachers when she was underage…but anyway,he asks me to be his best man,and i agreed,although i did not think it was a good idea and had a bad vibe the moment he told me about her.and it got worse the day i met her(in which she was calling him “daddy” in public,instead of babe/baby/honey etc)I explained I dont support the marriage but i support HIM…then I told him again the day before the wedding when he asked my opinion and was expressing(yelling and hitting things in the middle of the night,chain smoking)how much she drives him crazy,and how he “cant believe hes gonna get married”.but,because im a good friend,I just told him how i felt,calmed him down,told him to really think about his decision,and then was STILL there beside him when they said their vows…I toughed out spending with them as husband/wife,but when she cheated on him with MANY men and women(and had video evidence of it on her phone),he was finding out about another person each day,she told him “i Dont want to be married.” and they were planning for divorce,he had just returned from Military training mind you,so she did all this while he was gone.Thats plain LOW,and now he’s claiming that “shes trying” and they’re looking for a house and trying to get pregnant,when the last thing they need to drop in the middle of their dysfunctional relationship,is an innocent baby.
        My issue with this whole situation is,after finding out about more than 5 people she cheated or had a full blown affair with,he cheated himself to feel better and laughed about it telling me he would divorce her after tax season,admitting he rushed into marriage only because he wanted someone there to come back home to after training,and the extra money from the government when you have a dependent.AND speaking of money she CLEANED out his bank account at fast food restaurants the whole time he was in training,every paycheck that was deposited for training she spent on random things “because she was mad at him”.I know my Best friend,he is a sweet guy that has been screwed over by every girl he’s been with,but also desperate for the dream of a wife,white picket fence and kids…He likes the IDEA of her.and im sooo sick of hearing him b*tch and complain about her,hearing his divorce plans,and then switch it around and saying he’s staying with her.
        so tell me,please oh wise one.Am i jealous?because im no clingy/needy/attention wh*re of a friend,SHE is a conniving,cheating,sl*tty,gold digging,LYING,disgrace of a human being and its sad to watch my friend go through this for 5 simple reasons…
        1.money(from the Gov,and to save his GREAT credit score)
        2.desperate for a family/American dream
        3.pride,scared to prove the people who said “its too soon” right
        4.does not think he can do better
        5.sex

    • Fah Q says:

      i could understand your view on the jealousy factor but like someone mentioned its a generalized statement and you dont know everybody’s story. my personal story involves a jezebel temptress using her sexuality to lure my best friend into a relationship. as a Christian, i see her casting him down with her and she will cast down his children as well. Now they are engaged and she doesn’t want to have anything to do with God. She is also very reactive defensive and explosive towards anyone that does not go along with her plans. She hates me the ost because i speak truth and call them on their bull$#!+. she doesnt let him be the man in the relationship and she controls everything from what the weddig is going to be like to what cups are going in the cupboard. he’s not allowed to have a say.

  8. angered says:

    It angers me that people who think that they are being “friends” by putting in their two cents about a relationship is being helpful. It’s not. Because of my husbands moronic so-called best friend doing this, my husband and I are now on the verge of a divorce and with three kids in tow with it. Talk about making it not only difficult for us, but also for three innocent children and he’s laughing on the sidelines.

    • NotAlwaysJealousy says:

      I have to say that the reason I dislike my close friend’s spouse is for very good reason. It’s because he is obnoxious and rude towards me as well as abusive towards her. If he was just abusive towards her then there is only so much a friend can do or say obviously – it’s her relationship & all we can do is be supportive. But he is horrid towards me as well and I haven’t been to visit for a long time because of it. This is his third marriage and it’s not hard to see why! The man is arrogant, rude, childish, denigrating to women, stuck his hand down my top in front of his wife last time I visited (yes…) and likes the sound of his own voice far too much. He’s one of those people who speaks like an authority on everything until you press him and find he actually knows no more than anybody else despite acting like an expert. Once when we went into the local town centre he grabbed her hand and pulled her off ahead of me, leaving me to trail behind them like a freakin concubine or something. Extremely rude! I’ll be here all day if I carry on listing what is wrong with this guy! My friend and I go back a long way (childhood) and it’s really sad that I feel increasingly distanced from her because of her husband. The fact that he swings between outright rudeness and outrageous flirting bordering on flippin sexual assualt towards me is a big reason for staying away! She doesn’t seem to be too bothered by his behaviour and laughs it off but I think it’s because she’s stuck financially with him now.
      I can see how some friends can be jealous but this is not the case with me. The man is a nightmare & I really don’t like him.
      Another friend of mine (male) has an extremely jealous & possessive wife so we have to walk on eggshells to be in contact! Why do so many decent people marry total nutters?!
      I believe in karma….it’s the only thing that keeps me sane…

    • ouch says:

      Well… maybe you shouldn’t have been one of those ******************** digging/lying women that everyone is talking about?

  9. revenge is sweet says:

    I am in the same situation with my best friend of over twenty years. Hell I didn’t even go to the wedding. I can’t stand the stupid bitch. She thinks she is all high and mighty because she went to college which is crap. Now I’ve pulled revenge on her and have started turning my best friend against her. she is sick in the head and has to take medication for it so its pretty easy especially considering that I work with the guy I know all his passwords to his hotmail, facebook, even his work computer. I change them every so often and I know he will blame it on her and eventually it will push her into the hospital. I even called social services and told them that she was unfit as a parent I don’t know if they actually went there or not but I hope they did. Pretty soon it will all get to her and she will have a nervous breakdown and then he will leave her. I don’t know why he is with her in the first place. she has too big of a mouth for her own good she shouldn’t be opening it unless someone tells her she can. And she states that she is going to school from home through some home University when really all she does is use that as an excuse to sit at home and do nothing with those brats that she calls her kids.

    • girl says:

      changing his passwords?

      not cool.

      “turning your best friend against her”

      Sounds like you have your own mental health issues.

      This post sounds like a middle schooler wrote it.

    • IE says:

      umm it sounds like YOU are the one flipping out and who needs help. WTF?

    • afterthought says:

      u sick my man.very sick.
      doubt you know what hate people
      are talking here.

    • Creeper says:

      Wow… everything you just said.. was borderline psychotic. You need some help. It’s not your place to get that involved in their personal business. And to call CPS? That’s

  10. Khaled says:

    I can confirm that this situation is universal. It’s simple jealousy if u ask me and I’m not ashamed to admit it (online, hiding behind my screen and keyboard, in total anonimity,mind you LOLz)

    • Man says:

      Absolute twaddle. I can honestly tell you I don’t have a jealous bone in my body, I was brought up very fairly and evenly with my siblings and this is where a lot of jealousy stems from in my opinion. I am a completely grounded and balanced normal human being, I’ve been in a very happy relationship for 14 years myself, but let me tell you this, my best friend is marrying a total and complete hateful bitch, not just my opinion. Everything she does is controlling and manipulative, she just wants someone to look after her two kids (which aren’t his) understandably you could say, but why drag some poor bastard down with you? She doesnt really love him, nor he her, he just thinks it’s the grown up thing to do (actually the very opposite of grown up) He is too weak to say or do anything against her, and he wants me to be best man at his wedding,

  11. sugarandspice says:

    I have been married for 30 yrs and both my husband and myself have been friends with Mark for longer. He waited a long time to marry and about 5 years ago he married a psyho b-itch that knowone likes and she doesn’t like anyone. Not his family or his friends. But, yeah he allows it. so it’s his life and we all have had to give it up. We never see him anymore except for old mutual friends situations and he is a shell of himself. We all think he knows he made a mistake but he is a stubborn religious baptist and would never admit he made a mistake.

  12. Hopeful says:

    This is so interesting. I have a best friend that I’ve known for three years who’s about 3 years older than i am. He graduated college about two years ago and when the question of marrriage came up to his girlfriend, he said that he was happy where he was and needed to save money and honestly grow a little. ( I mean, he just graduated college, right?) so any way, whats her face is about to graduate and I meet her for the first time and she just gives me that bad vibe. She’s Really immature and they’ve been dating since her sophomore year of high school. She straight up says, i’ve never had a chance to meet anyone else. So anyway, being young like she is, she messes around with one of my friends, (behind her boyfriends back) as soon as he leaves, BOOM they’re engaged and about to get married. Idk I don’t want to call her a bitch, and I have TRIED SOO hard to be friends with her for my best friend’s sake, but she is such a miserable and immature person. I just don’t think that they should get married soo young, and I honestly think he could do so much better.

  13. k says:

    Same here. His family tried to get me to convince him not to marry her. He was so hurt by them trying to do that, that I decided I would support him. I was his bestman at the wedding and even tried to smooth over the gap between the two families, who wouldn’t even sit on the same sides of the room. I’ve always been great friends with that family and now they see me as a traitor. To top it off I almost never see him, because I can’t stand to be around his wife. And I can’t ask him over and say, “Oh, but don’t bring your wife with you.” I wish I would have helped his family.

  14. JJ says:

    I HATE my friends fat

  15. totallyrelate says:

    my friend is about to marry a bitch. she manipulated him into marriage, even though he didn’t want too and is about to give up his dreams, for a negative, energy draining, religious control freak.
    he is such a wonderful guy, sweet, so intelligent but he is getting ‘i am getting old’ – she is 21, he is 32 and his life is still beholding so much more, she will take it all away from him, i know it. my cool friend wil become my boring friend, just as soon as christian control freak is pregnant.

  16. VegasWedding says:

    MY best friend – who I have a long shared history with and is the only guy friend who I feel like I can talk with on a deep level – just got married in a whirldwind Vegas wedding he didn’t even tell me about. His new wife seems vapid, dumber than a box or rocks, bitchy, demanding. She is also extremely possessive… she doesn’t want to spend 95% percent of the time with him, she demands 100% of his time…and there is an intense guilt trip and freak out if he is 5 minutes late, or looks at another woman to ask the time of day. She has no hobbies except watching reality TV – and if you aren’t up on the latest characters, there is nothing to talk about. She is now trying to get pregnant to she can rope him in forever.

    My friend is — on many levels – a highly intelligent guy – but I guess his values are screwed up. Marriage in an unconscious agreement to accept each other’s shadow projections and live them out… and learn things the hard way!

    • afterthought says:

      sound like my ex.
      only good thing was a child that she now uses to control situations.instead of soaps mine talks or used to talk about money-giving her,not making.dummy.
      she had all these sky high schemes of roping a man with child and all. well. she has paid double. and a few more rounds waiting.

  17. James75 says:

    My best freind and I have been the closest of buddies, helped him many times along the way with cash, jobs and all sorts. Was “decent” with his wife until the b**** decided that she is jealous of our friendship, started turning him against me and accusing me of trying to destrioy their lie of a marriage – I on the other hand actually helped the witch stay married by persuading my best friend not to cheat on her (he stopped) and look after his family instead.

    She subsequently got what she aimed for – him all to her self, we have mostly parted way, aside from few casual meets at parties and gatherings.

    I still feel a great void, I know he does to, but so many bridges were burned that its impossible to lick all the wounds away.

  18. Burt says:

    There was once the four of us guys, going through college together and planning our futures, and we are all full of potential with great career aspirations. Eventually, as does happen, the four of us end up at different ends of the country, but stay in touch.
    Gary had met Kelly whilst on a summer job during college. He was 22, and she’s 17. We never got to meet Kelly back then, but we got hints from Gary that she was from a rich family, and it quickly became clear that she was a spoilt brat, who only happened to be working alongside Gary as her father had made her go out and understand the value of a dollar.
    The rest of us meet girls and progress over the next 5 years. I get married, Dean meets “the one” but loses her due to international commitments, and Jim settles down with a girl in his new hometown. Meanwhile, Gary sits at home and plays the devoted boyfriend whilst Kelly goes off to her prestigious college (and gets up to god-knows-what). 3 years pass by, and Kelly comes home.
    Sufficed to say, we never see Gary again. They immediately buy a house together, he proposes to her, and the wedding is now weeks away.

    All of this is fairly standard stuff, other than the fact that Gary is a shadow of his former self, going from a guy with real prospects (considering being a lecturer, journalist…), to settling for a warehouse job near home, whilst Kelly settles into a bullshit, high-salary career in the city. She works late, and does drinks with her colleagues in the city, eventually heads home, and Gary cooks and cleans and waits at home for her. He doesn’t go out, nobody sees him, and when you ask him out for some guy time, he’s never available. Ridiculous fact: he wasn’t allowed to play video games in her presence until this last year, and should you ever try and get the two of them involved in a party, Kelly sits there in the corner with her arms folded.
    We’ve just getting to grips with Gary’s bachelor party now. Jim has been picked as best man, and Kelly has emailled him demanding a full rundown of the party, specifically banning Gary from going into town and having a drink. I heard last night that Kelly has turned it into a family meal now, of all things.
    And Gary sits in the corner, nodding along with it all and acting like he’s supportive of it all.

    So yeah, I’m familiar with the concept of hating a friend’s wife. Dean and I constantly wax lyrical about how we should have stepped in earlier. 5 years back, when we were all at home in the same town, should one of us do something crazy – for example, I dated a weird girl – the guys would step in, and we would take heed and trust each other’s opinions.
    Now, with mortgages and weddings on the line, telling Gary he’s literally signing his life away just isn’t…practical. In the movies, you can run away at the altar. When does that really work in real life, especially with the kind of gutless guy Gary has been turned into.

    My plan is like some of the other people in here. Bite my tongue for the next few weeks, sit through one of the most ridiculous charades of a wedding I’ll likely ever witness, and then cut off all ties.
    I have contemplated writing to Gary, and getting my feelings down on paper, but i have to ask myself why bother? He was a friend, but that friend was crushed by Kelly, along with all of his dreams.
    Good luck to the both of them.

  19. Let go... says:

    To all u female friends of the guy…his wife is most important to him not u…his wife is now his best friend…so back off nd get ur own life. If he made a mistake by marrying the wrong person he will learn from it himself. Just leave them alone…he sees sumthing in her that u cant…so just let him go.

    • With Pleasure.... says:

      I’ve lost a male friend of mine to his nutty wife now. I agree about letting go – maybe he’ll learn, maybe he won’t. And if he considers someone like that to be his best friend, well more fool him…..

  20. P.Gonzales says:

    Live and let die, Vato. When somebody takes some bitch and you dont like it…let that guy do what he wants. He will learn…or you will learn that he was more crazy than you thought. Anyway it is his life. Let him screw it up if he wants. Just learn from his mistake and keep you self from doing that. Dont worry about him because you got you own crap to shovel.

  21. Lawrence of Arabia says:

    My friend Richard and I have been friends since junior high. His wife is a narrow minded racist bigot. But I will never tell him that. He texts me and asks when we’re going out for a beer. But that “we” always includes his wife who I have nothing in common with. The talk is strained, boring, and superficial when she’s around. Finally I told him that I wasn’t the least bit interested in hanging out with them as a couple. He got pissed. Recently he texted me to wish me a happy birthday and tell me that his wife is pregnant with twins and asked when I wanted to go out for a beer with him, but he still wanted his wife to go along. Can you imagine? Why on earth would I want to hang out with him and his pregnant wife? But I tried to be polite and told him that I was still not interested in hanging out with the two of them. So now he’s mad at me again. But it’s getting to where I really don’t care. I’m ready to move on if he can’t tear himself away for even just an hour.

  22. KinaNZ says:

    Oh my, I was not aware of how common this issue is….

    I have been pacing back and forth for over a year now trying to decide whether it is worth the pain and mend a 4-year friendship with my best friend.

    At one stage, we were all really good friends, which makes things really difficult after I discovered a pattern of lies and stories she creates, then there was manipulative behavior towards him, his friends and social activities a year prior to their engagement. To tell or not to tell on your friend to your best friend.

    Things went extremely uncomfortable for me. Even though many of his friends who knew him a lot longer than I had, they asked me to get some sense into the guy and call off the wedding. I tried to put our concerns lightly across to him, just to make some slight adjustments before really going for it (basically grow some balls, which none of his friends has, since no one showed to back me up), obviously, he knew what was going, then he just made some lame excuses and turned a deaf ear.

    A few months later, I was asked to be their bridesmaid for on their wedding day…. I wanted to be the groomWOman, but because the bride’s family is extremely superstitious this was not allowed to proceed, so I was forced to spend a load of time with the bride, so I get to know her better, so I could help make their perfect day happen. Jeepers, putting on a brave face on their special day was tough.

    Awhile after they tied the know, I caught his wife stealing from her sister’s business among many other nasty things. I was then accused I was jealous of their relationship and was making things up to ruin their happy marriage. I was only trying to console her actions… to cover up the shame… this is what she did; When either me or the husband tried to organize a catch up, the wife always manages to be conveniently sick or in needed him for an emergency. This is the part where she got her dirty hands in, she made up tales, told everyone that my best friend and I had an argument and she does not know why I stopped talking to her husband, and by this stage her husband was so brainwashed, he started buying into her. She would go to any length to make things so complicated for us to met up, even though we only live about 15 minute drive apart.

    I have been out of contact with my best friend ever since, it has been over a year now… recently they had their first born child. I would love to visit their child and my old dear friend, but I still could not stand the sight of the woman, the body of lies. A week before the baby was due, out of the blue, the wife contacted and claims that she heard I was getting hitch and was asking about my wedding plans… (I have only just started dated someone for a few months ago, which very few of my close friends and family knows about). It was almost as if she is saying to me, don’t come near us or I am going to make your life miserable.

    This grieving process has certainly been very hard, I have been fuming for a very long time and feeling helpless about it all. How I have failed to save a very good friendship, simply I know the guy has a very good heart to all his friends, family and workmates. Neither me or the guy has had a good chance to make any sense of what had happened. Now that he has extra daddy responsibilities, he will have less time to remember the existence of this friend.

  23. Gillian says:

    My dear guy friend and I have been friends for over a decade. He is the nicest guy ever; great husband and father. He could have done so much better!!!…

    My friend’s wife has got to be the biggest f***ing b**** on the planet! She is a straight-up liar, manipulative, and plain mean-spirited. She is vile. She’s a bully. She’s on his ass everyday about something. If she doesn’t get her way, she basically makes his life a living hell until he gives in. I would most definitely categorize her behavior as abusive. I have held my tongue for so long, but she recently did something that just made me realize I could no longer be quiet. I had a very long, honest conversation with him; told him he deserves to be treated better. He was receptive.

    I feel sorry that their children have her as a mother.

  24. Nate says:

    My best friend recently got married and now is awaiting his wedding which I’m apart of. I love him to death but I’m starting to realize it might of been a huge mistake. We both met her around the same time but he ended up hooking up with her then which turned into a back and forth relationship and now a marriage. I didn’t notice then, but now she’s shunned him from every friend possible; cries like a baby if he goes to the store without her, and since she has no friends she needs him 24/7. It didnt bug me until she became ignorantly rude. I love my friend but if she’s around when we hang out I wanna shoot myself, but I don’t wanna lose a good friend. It sucks

    • Mike says:

      Hey bud, I hear that. I am 29 and went out with a girl like this. All o my friends finally told me they felt the way you describe but not until it was over.

      I wish they voiced their opinions sooner because I wasted 9 months more than I should have with that girl. Better to waste three years than four!!!

      Best advice: tell friend slowly. If he doesn’t wake up at least you’ll en your suffering. Sucks for him when he realizes if they get married!

  25. Mike says:

    So I read most of what you all put here. This is my issue, I have a fried I’ve known since childhood. We have had our hot times where we hang out more than average but ever since he married his wife (now two years) I feel as though he has changed ni have considered whether I am jealous or not and the answer always comes out that she is just an abusive wench.

    To make it worse, his family is stable, here’s is not, so I have this creepy feeling that she acts this way (controlling) because she os trying to keep him, in some way, “under her spell”.

    It’s wierd, she even steered him to hanging around all these people like her (all one job type, all alcoholics); and now he’s one of them. I can’t go out with him and the new friends without getting sick or feeling like I’m not part of the group because I’m sober but he seems to like it (being drunk)

    Am I overreacting or should I just let our friendship go?

    • Anonymous says:

      just let the friendship go. he is married and you may like it or not but till the time he is with her , she gets the priority, also you are someone who was with him before she came so she will do her best to get you off from his life.

      you should just move on.

  26. afterthought says:

    hi all.
    let it go.was good friendship. but let it go. this is one battle you cannot win.
    for some friendships its not till death do us part.

  27. Joe says:

    It sounds like you are too involved in your friends life. Now that he is married, why not pull back a bit and let him be. If he accepts and loves his wife, let them enjoy one another. She will never change for you and you might risk messing up your friendship if you start behaving as if you don’t like her. Maybe it would be helpful for you to develop your own life a bit more so that you don’t feel such harsh feeling for your friend’s wife. Try to concentrate on positive things about her rather than criticizing her unduly.

  28. frusrated says:

    Geez, this must be pretty common.

    I have a friend, whom my husband and I’ve been very close friends with for over 25 years.

    he met a woman on one of those online dating thing, and then got married. When I first met her, I had some misgivings as they are from very different backgrounds and upbringings, but kept it to myself. It’s his life and choice afterall.

    but as years progressed (10 years after marriage), she is turning out to be what I feared.. ***************** nature stemming from her insecurities. She compares and judges everything and anything around her. And she is ***************** evenfor the pettiest detail. if she decides she is above/win, she gloats and shows off. if she decides there is a deficiency, she blames everything and everyone else. If she can’t defend her position, she attacks.

    She constantly comares and judges her children against ours and other children, always commenting on all the deficiencies of others, or if she thinks their children are not “quite up to par” blames heavily on something else.

    For instance, there was a birthday party for a preschooler at a gymnastics place. over half of the kids never done anything like it before. They stumble, fail, fall, but all are having a good time figuring it out by trial and error, just being kids. There were a few who takes lessons and was doing much better, but the key was, all teh kids were having fun. Except their children. One stumbled and fell, the other one wasn’t doing some of the stuff as “elegantly as the others” (her words, not mine). by the end of the party, she was almost frantic, took her children off to the side, very vocal to everyone, “my little ones have never done these before! It’s too hard! of course they’re going to have trouble!” and very upset. Everybody else was like, “it’s just a kids’ party. what’s the big deal?” and just gave her strange looks. in the end she made her children stand on the sidelines while other kids tumbled and rolled and basically ran amok just being children.

    I’ve tried to be cordial as I value my friendship with her husband and I have very high respect for him, but it’s getting to a point it’s just too tiring, to watch what I say, what I do, as not to rattle her *********** mode, and be judged, put down, slighted, gloated upon, whatever. It’s just not pleasant to have any conversation with her, as every conversation seems to end with placing her in a superior light, or listen to her excuses of why she (or her children) are unfairly judged or disadvantaged (!?!?!).

    she had a very tough life… and married a very succesful, potentially very wealthy man in the future. and it’s very clear she saw herself as a cinderella when they started (she said this herself too, in the beginning). but now that she has gotten over the “awe” effect, she seems to have this constant need to prove herself that she’s just as good or better than anybody, or something. and all that posturing is just so unnecessary!

    unfortunately my friend is lovey-dubby with her, so even if he sees this, it doesn’t bother him.

    I’ve been avoiding her as much as I can. my husband, who is also my friend’s close friend, sees the problem with the wife, but at least he can ignore. She just rubs me the wrong way. so everytime they suggest a family get-together, I’ve been making excuses not showing up. but this is getting too taxing for me. I don’t know if our friend has noticed my absences, but…

    I guess it’s the case if he inquires, he will hear the truth. But until then, I’ll just stay away as best I can.

    sigh

    it’s just so sad, because it’s so unnecessary.

    thanks for letting me vent. This has been eating me for a while now. May be now I can let go…

  29. Joe Blow says:

    I too hate the now wife of my best friend of 24 years (we’ll just call him Braden and her Erin). She’s epitome of the word cu**. We were all roommates, and Braden’s entire personality started to slowly change as they went on. Erin was literally stifling his sense of humor and ability to act like himself. It should also be noted that Erin is a total bitch to Braden’s mother and is completely disrespectful. Before they were married, I used to think that he was desperate, but would eventually come to his senses. Then they tied the knot, and I thought, there was still a chance with divorce. But, now they have a newborn together, so it’s too late to save him. We’ve really grown apart as friends…I mean, really grown apart. I have a real distain for the both of them, and I feel he’s the ultimate chump. I haven’t personally called or have gotten a call from him in years now, but I still have to see the both of them at work on nearly a daily basis. I can’t express how disgusted I am with the guy for being such a turncoat ******** I’m not blind to the fact that people change and grow with one another. But the guy is such a phony schmuck now, it’s sickening. I never thought the person I loved as a brother would become the ultimate pompous-douche, phony-bologna.

    Signed,
    Joe

  30. zyzz says:

    my best friend for more than 20 years and I work together…he got married, and that was ok, then he decided to hire his wife, and that was not ok for me…I knew things were about to change, and they did…I think inside my mind I decided that as I could not get rid of her at work, at least I could limit contact outside working hours, so I isolated myself as much as possible,and barely see them socially after working hours..I also do not confide with him anymore, because I know he would not keep things for himself, as she is a control freak, and he thinks he has to share everyhing with her..even if he tells me he would never tell her some of my personal stuff, I am not going to trust him, and this is a guy who I used to tell EVERYTHING…I am a bit desperate I have to say…this has been going on for 4 years now…I am a bit numb now, so it hurts less, but still, I havent found a new friend to talk to…that is what I miss…how can I put trust in this guy again ? what shall I do ?

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