Secret Confessions

I’m about to start cutting off our frequent contacts together. Well to be honest I don’t have a car anymore and because of that I can’t surprise you at work and see your face light up. I won’t be able to do the things that I used to. I’ve been praying for change and I wonder….yes I wonder, is this it? Is this the start of change that I need in my life. I’ve even considered talking to a friend as I’ve already called and am waiting for a call back. I want to be whole and right now I don’t think I can do this on my own. You have no idea how deep I feel for you. You love your husband even thought you questioned it in the beginning, but you have made it clear to me that you do. I would never hurt you like he has or I would never put you second like he has, but he has been coming around and I’m happy that he is wising up.

We are the best of friends and I love it that way. I think of you as the younger sister that I never had and always wanted. I love your heart and I think I always will, but I have nothing to offer you and you have much more to lose. I need to start this distance, but I don’t know how and I also don’t want to. I just don’t know what to do.

I do not want to hurt you, but I need to see you as the friend that I cherish instead of the “almost lover”, and right now I’m not able to do that.

Oh God I just know that I’m going to hurt you somehow and this is going to kill me….