always worth saving you
Posted by izumiangel in Friends on Jun 16th, 2010 | 2 commentsI love someone impossible. I’ve tried to stop, but no matter how much I try, I can’t stop loving him. I even went so far as to try to hate him, but such a negative emotion toward him, for me, is just not possible. I don’t want to hate him. I don’t want to stop loving him, but I know that it’s what I should do. I shouldn’t love him. It will only lead to more pain for both of us. I’ve gotten to the point where I almost hate myself because I can’t stop. I know I can’t control it, but it needs to die. I don’t want to hurt him anymore than he’s already been hurt, and I know that my pain only causes him more pain because he DOES care about me, even though he can’t love me. That, in turn, causes me to hate myself more which, again, hurts him. It’s an endless cycle that neither of us can break, and it goes deeper than he knows.
I want to help him. I want to heal him. But I can’t. I try but I continuously fail. I may not be meant to save him, but that doesn’t mean I’ll ever stop trying.
I know you’re reading this. I won’t give up on you. I can give up on hope. I can give up on pointless efforts. I can give up on anything else. But I can never and will never give up on you. Because I do love you, and that will never change. No matter how much both of us may want it to.
I promise. I won’t let you fall.
2 Responses to “ “always worth saving you”
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Who wouldnt want someone to feel like that about them? That’s beautiful. I have been in love with someone that I “can’t love” before and I can only wish they felt the same. Maybe they do. Maybe we will never know. Who knows. But I do know this. Anything is possible. I can only wonder what you mean by loving someone “impossible” and that they can’t love you back. What does that mean? What is the wall between you that can’t be broken? Why can’t you love him? Why don’t you let him be the judge of that? If he doesnt know “how deep if goes” then let him know and take it from there. Life is too short to live in regret and anything can happen.
By “impossible” I mean that it is impossible for me to be with him. And the wall between us is just that he can not and will never love me like I love him. I’ve been his best friend for six years and he sees me as nothing more than a sister. He knows that I love him; we’ve talked about it before. However, I don’t think he knows just how far it goes with me. I’ve tried not to love him because I know that it hurts him to see me pain over him. He cares about me, just not in the way that I care about him. I try to hide the pain it causes me, knowing that it hurts him, but he always sees through it. He knows that my smiles are fake and I don’t know how much more either of us can take.