the outcome
Posted by shay in Fear on Oct 27th, 2010 | 4 commentsim the product of rape, my mother wont talk much about him but somewhere deep down in me wonders about him every now and then. im scarred that im going to be like him when i grow up, im scarred that every time she looks at me she sees him, im scarred that ill meet him one day and not even know that hes my father, im scarred about alot of things but mostly im scarred that my mother secretly hates me
4 Responses to “ “the outcome”
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If your mother hated you, she would not have fed you at her breast, changed your diapers, and put up with you all these years. You realize you were a pain in the ass, right? And yet she loved you. She probably felt conflicted about you before you were born, but as soon as she saw you, she knew you were hers. Otherwise, you would have been up for adoption.
Don’t worry about meeting your father and not knowing him. He’s not your father, and you have no obligation to him. Forget about him and vow to be an outstanding father in your time as a testament against him. Do not worry about becoming just like him. Criminal behavior does not pass through the genes. It passes through culture. Do your best to become a good human being, and don’t be surprised that sometimes you are not. It is the nature of human beings to be attracted to evil. Do your best to fight your own nature. Tell you mother you love her and thank her for all she has done for you. You will know by her response that she does not secretly hate you. That does not mean she does not secretly hate herself for being raped. Help her to recognize that good things sometimes emerge from tragedy to soothe pain. Be that good thing.
Dear Friend Shay, At first, be firm to believe that none of us, including you and me, are in this world by choice. We all are here by destiny. Secondly, there is no point to be scared about you grow up to be like him. Be grateful that you can already differentiate between good & bad, & this knowledge will guide you rightly in future too. Lastly, do you know that “God cannot be everywhere, that’s why he made Mothers”. Love your Mother, which you already do, like anything and let it show through genuinely. Love will doubly impact your life, on one hand by removing your doubt of her hatred towards you and on the other, by making her see a promising “you” in you and not that man.
God is really kind & will show you the way, to overcome this phase of uncertainty!
You can only control your own feelings–however, if you are worried about what your mother truly feels, the two of you should go to counseling.
You will NOT turn out like your biological father. Don’t worry about that. Instead, out of all that misery and ugliness, something beautiful (you!!) grew, and is now blooming.
Nothing can stop you!!
If your mother hated you sadly you would probably know it. Has she showed or done something that makes you think that? I am not the product of rape and don’t know anyone that is, but I do have 2 babies. I love my husband dearly and we have 2 babies together, but when I look at them I don’t see my husband or me. I see 2 little people all their own. I would stay a million miles away from your biological father though.