Secret Confessions

I get such huge amounts of it on both of us. The max my work place will let me and have another policy on the side. Not because I intend to kill him or think he would want to. I am so scared that if he dies I will stop funtioning like a normal person and it will take money and therapy and expensive hospital visits to bring me back. With out my husband I cannot imagine feeling whole again and I dont want my family to have to pay for any of my problems. I know if I died he too would not do well without me.

We morbidly yet lovingly say "Promise me you’ll move on if I go. Promise me you’ll take care of my family. Promise me you’ll travel and see things I wanted you to know. Promise me if love finds you again please take its hand and do not flee in fear of pain."

He has a dangerous job, I have a medical condition that could be very bad if I dont take care of it. I have never been more happy in my life.

So of course I fear loosing… life.