I’m the one lying
Posted by Anonymous in Fear on Sep 22nd, 2010 | 3 commentsMy boyfriend and I got into a huge argument because a friend I trust told me that he was cheating on me. I was heartbroken, and pissed, and went off on him. He just kept denying it and denying it and honestly after I thought about it I don’t see any reason why he would cheat on me, even if my friend saw something. I think truthfully if he were cheating on me, I wouldn’t mind the cheating.. so much as I would if he were lying about it.
That was three days ago and I’ve been unable to decide who I believe. Who I want to believe is him. It’s hard though when you can’t think of any reason for either people to be lying to you, aside from the obvious. He’s been stressing out because of how I’ve been acting towards him ever since we sort of made up. Which honestly, he has every reason to be stressing out, because when I tell him everything’s fine, I’m lying.
Everything is NOT fine. I can’t allow myself to trust anyone in this, not even myself. I say everything’s fine because I want him to stop asking about it, to stop talking about it. I want to act like it never happened and just move on. I want to be able to wake up in the morning and not feel like I have to choose between the friend I’ve known for years, and the guy that I’ve had the longest romantic relationship in my entire life with. I don’t think I should have to choose. I don’t want to choose. I want to be able to have both. I don’t see why I can’t have both.
Right now, I’m hurting more than I did when I thought he was cheating, and he knows something’s wrong but I keep telling him I’m fine. I wish I could talk to someone about this. I wish I knew what to do.
3 Responses to “ “I’m the one lying”
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The best person to talk to about your fears and insecurities, is him. You’ve got to be brutally raw and open with him, if you expect the same thing from him. You gotta let him know that all you ever want is the truth, even if it hurts. Guys are not so good with confrontation with women. If he thinks you’re going to blow up at him, he’ll shy away. Let him know that if he is feeling unsatisfied with the relationship, you want him to come to you first, and you too can’t resolve it, take it to a third party, like a therapist or something. Ie if he says, I don’t get that we are very secure in our relationship, so I feel like acting on base instinct to ‘pass on my seed’ because it is something I do know and I am comfortable with (not that any guy is ever that clear, but were smart enough to put two and two together lol)
I was put in somewhat of a similar situation. I’ve known my spouse 5 years. Together for three. 1 kid together. We are 20. He used to live 4 hours away from me, and we started dating over the internet. It was all I could to keep from friends and family from nagging me about how easy it is for him to cheat, how he’s going no-where in life, he’ll be an alcoholic just like his dad…. blah.blah.blah.
At the end of the day, its not what everyone else says or thinks. Your relationship is between two people only! You, and him. If you have trust, companionship, happiness, a possible future together… is that all really worth putting on the line for a few misleading words that have no viable proof to back it up? Even if its from an old friend?
And whats the worst case scenario? Lets say he is cheating. You break up the best relationship you’ve had in awhile. Then what? Thats just it; it doesn’t matter because you still had a ton of memories, and laughs together, and it was time well spent further learning your likes and dislikes in life and men. Either have faith, and be happy, Or question, and be miserable. So long as you had good times together, whats the point of regretting your relationship even if he did cheat?
Best of luck to you too :) I hope you find yourselves happy and faithful together
Why not talk to him about it?
Duh.
Im sorry to hear about this problem of yours. I too have been cheated on. Three of my friends had told me and I’ve know them for way longer, and trusted them. It turns out they were right. I didn’t have too long of a relationship, like you did. So in this case I don’t know who to trust either. I think the best thing you can do right now is to tell him everything that you posted here. Im sure it will clear alot more things up for you. You can see how he reacts to all your feelings weather in a positive or negative way. Then go from that. I wish the best for you two :)