RSSi hate change - warning rambling at times
i have been with my boyfriend for nearly 7 months, and it is my longest relationship by far, but since august he has been in hong kong for a gap year. i managed to raise the money to go see him for 2 weeks, and im going in about 5 weeks
but i get irrationally scared sometimes
the past 3 months have been so hard already, and recently we nearly broke up because we kept arguing, but we solved it the day after luckily
i get scared because if these 3 months have been this hard, what about when i come home and have to be away from him for another 7/8 months - over twice the time ive struggled though to date
and i get scared that it will changed him. hes in the year group above me so im doing my last year at college - high school for american readers - living with my mum, without a job etc, hes working nearly everyday, in a foreign country with completley different cultures
im afraid that when he comes back he will be a grown up while i’ll still be a child
im afraid that he’ll outgrow me
im afraid he’ll change his mind and find my immatureness annoying instead of cute
im afraid he’ll stop loving me and leave me
im afraid i’ll end up like my mother, alone and unloved at 45
i need his love to be happy
i need his love to survive
i was so close to hurting myself when we nearly ended. i dont want to find out what’ll happen if we do end
i love him so much it phsyically hurts sometimes
saffy89 on November 17th 2007 in Fear
Maria said on 08 Dec 2007 at 12:27 pm # Quote
Hi, saffy89
I have the same situation before.
Maria said:
I know what it feel.
I did have a long distance relationship for 3 long years. I’m being patient and only see him for 7 days a year (means, I have to wait another 349 days before I can meet him again). We did chat and send short message one to another every day, every 1/2 hour if we’re not busy.
He’s still on the same island, in another city, just few miles away from me. My father dislike him, so I keep my relationship as secret.I keep lying to my parents until the fourth year of our relationship. And that’s a burden for me. But my love is unconditioned, and going stronger each day, no matter we’re near or far.
I have to wait another 349 days before I can meet him again -> even though I have enough money to visit him and stay for a month, but I can’t. My parent will get suspicious if I leave home for a long time (I always said to my boyfriend, that maybe they’ll call police to find me.. haha).
it phsyically hurts sometimes -> in fact, it’s physically hurts many times.
No, I never try to hurt my self in purpose. Many times, my need just a simple hug, but he is nowhere to be hugged. I feel so sad, and I feel pain in my skin (in hug-contact area), as if it being deep-peeled or torn. I’m crying in my sleep.
Maria said on 08 Dec 2007 at 2:27 pm # Quote
Maria said:
it’s a bit different in my situation. I’m still worried about that now. That’s very natural for most female to have worries. We’re ‘feeling’-based, not ‘logic’-based. But keep in mind that some of your worries are just driven by your short-term-emotion (remove 80%, keep the 20% for precaution).
No, my boyfriend not working in the different country. If he did, that would raise his score in my father opinion. He’s sooo different from me and my family culture from the beginning. Doesn’t need any change to make him more different. I live in big city, from ‘reputable-tradition-keeper’ and ‘Daddy-rule’ family. Me and my parents living under the same roof. He and his parents separate half-island-length, they are not wealthy, compared to
my family. He doesn’t make enough money, He’s not graduated from any university. My father think my boyfriend doesn’t have good future -> and for me, that’s critical matter.
At the 9th month of our relationship, I ask him for a break. I need to know if he’s really the right person. Is he worth my worries, my lies, and all my effort to keep our relationship? I didn’t contact him for 5 month (I even try to start new relationship, but it didn’t work). I’m alone.
I try to avoid contacting him, but I need him. I need his support when I’m doing my pre-final test. Suddenly I can think clearly that no matter how, I always falls in love to this same person, again and again.
And I think (and you should too..) that this relationship is a proccess, to find our true self. If some change happen (and it would), just make an evaluation in mind about how to react. A relationship always to give and to take what given. It’s never easy, but you should be adaptable to any change happen in your relationship.
He’s growing up, and so you. You may like or may not like his changing, and so him. I know it’s easier to growing up together in same place, so the difference-gap between you would be visible, if there’s any. But this is your situation, you should take this positively.
I make my sacrifice. I suffer loneliness by not having another boyfriend in my city. I suffer guilt-feeling by lying to my parents. I suffer for all my worries (it’s still 100%, I never get rid the 80%). I TRUST HIM. I ALWAYS THINK POSITIVE. I keep telephoning him even though it’s expensive for us (interlocal). I sometimes hate my father for hating him. That’s the price for keeping this relationship, and I’m willing to pay this price for greater happiness.
Sanguine me versus Melancholic him: We always have different perspective (I mean really opposite), but never arguing. Why? Because I already adapted to him and vice versa.
After 6 years, He become my husband now (wedding date: 18 Nov 2007).
I’m happy. We did have another story about changing my father’s mind. And my father willing to bless the wedding. But that’s another story..
Someone said on 22 Feb 2008 at 11:30 am # Quote
if you truly love each other, BOTH of you will figure out on a solution to your problems.
helpful teen said on 31 Mar 2008 at 9:26 am # Quote
don’t worry…if it was meant to be,then it will turn out wonderfully.talk things out with him.you could try to be a little more mature.if he really loves you,then he will accept you the way you are.be happy and enjoy life.always take everything in the positive way.if you both break up, do not worry…you will get someone much better…it just means that he was not worth it…hopefully things will turn out very well…but NEVER EVER hurt yourself, for some one else.if you live life for others,then when will you live for yourself? spend time with you friends and family.take time off and do things that you have always wanted to do.enjoy everything you do.you get only one life…so First, live for YOURSELF.if you waste your life crying over a distant guy,you will regret wasting your life in this way and you will have nobody to blame.if you both really love each other,everything will happen naturally.love come from within.remember U are the first person.do everything that u want to, so that one day ur guy can think “wow,what an independent wife/gf i have!” remember U are the first and this is UR life and you can live it the way U want to!! :)
chris said on 31 Jul 2008 at 12:35 pm # Quote
hey well, I don’t know what to say. I like girls and I like guys. I am a man and I am very scared to be myself because my parents will disown me. I just know they will. Im of african american descent. I like this boy but I’m afraid to talk to him. He works at walmart and I want to tell him before its too late and I regret not talking to him. I don’t know what to do.