half baked cookie.
Posted by demented entity. in Fear on Dec 15th, 2010 | 13 commentsi am 23, male and thats all.
i have been through more in my life in the past 8 years then most people will see in there entire lifes. i grew up in a abusive house where the beatings were to be expected with the sunrise. i watched my father put a gun to my mothers head and threaten to blow her to hell. well when i walked into the room at the age of 12 i yelled and then my father came at me. slammed the shotgun into my gut and put it to my head. he told me to recite the bible so that i will make it into heaven.
i did as i was told. and at the end of what seemed to be an eternity, i was done. with my mother crying in the corner. he pulled the trigger. all i heard was a click. for some reason it had misfired.
there was an episode 2 years later at the age of 14 when he beat me so bad i was in the hospital for about 3 weeks. almost died of a lacerated liver.
ok. well now i am 23. anger issues. bipolor, dignosed ptsd. and converson disorder.
i have learned to control my anger. have not lashed out on anyone in 4 years. i have finaly met someone i think i can spend the rest of my life with. we have been dating for 2 years and she is amazing. but i am nervous to tell her my past. i love her but i dont think she could understand what i have been through in my life.
do you think i should tell her. or leave it as it is. i know she knows there is somthing cuse i wake up with night sweats, and she always askes me whats wrong. and i wont tell her.
13 Responses to “ “half baked cookie.”
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tell her when you are ready….if she loves you then she will love you no matter your past….she love you now for who you are now…may even strengthen your relationship, you never know. your past doesn’t define WHO you are….just makes you stronger.
God was with you all that time to see you through all that mess…you lived for a reason…he has helped you work though though times and as it sounds you are doing well helping yourself along as well^_^
God Bless
I am so sorry about the hell you endured. What you’ve been through will stay with you forever. We cannot change the past, but we can do our best from here on. Please try to get into counseling to help you work through these feelings, which are overwhelming. If you cannot afford individual counseling, you can go to Emotions Anonymous (it’s a group setting) and maybe talking about what you’ve been through will help you. If you feel that you are at that level with your girlfriend where you can reveal your past then by all means. But it sounds like you don’t feel comfortable telling her because you do not feel like she will understand. I believe that your hesitation has to do with trust issues due to how you were treated growing up. Your father should have protected you and he is the person that you should have placed your trust in, but his abusive behavior destroyed any trust you could have developed for him. And this has affected your ability to trust others. If in your heart of all hearts, you do not feel you can trust your girlfriend enough to tell her your past, then she’s not the one. You should be able to tell the person you want to spend the rest of your life with something so heart wrenching. I hope that my words have helped in some way. But again, I am so sorry for all that you’ve suffered.
I say tell her. If you pla onsending the rest of your life with her, I think it’s best you share your history.
Tell her. It will be an issue for you for the rest of your life. That sucks… But don’t try to go through it on your own. She’ll think you’re cheating on her and she’ll feel the lie, the disconnect, and it will push her away. If she loves you, she’ll stick by your side and work through it with you.
Oh my Gosh, I’m so sorry. This story made me want to cry. :’ ( . I think you should tell her about your past, if she loves you (which I’m sure she does) She will understand. I’m glad you found somebody who makes you happy. God kept you alive that day for a reason. And I know that she will understand. Good luck. :’ )
It is so good to hear that you have made a good life for yourself.
Tell her when you are ready. She deserves the chance to love you completely, not just your ‘good parts’.
You are not to blame for what happened to you and it is OK to let someone help you deal with it. You deserve to be loved for who you are. Good luck.
You will have to tell her eventually so it’s better sooner rather than later. You have been through so much and are amazingly strong to have pulled through the way you have.
You should be proud that you’ve come out the other side a stronger man – she can only respect you for that and I’m sure she will understand and be there for you. Good luck :)
I think you are doing the right ting by speaking or writing about it. I lived through similar situations. It does make an impact on a person but it does not mean you can’t have a good life. I urge you to seek professional help because from my experience, it’s much better than going it alone.
I’ve been with my boyfriend 2 years also and if he told me this just now i would still love him and accept him, im sorry u had to go through something like that but there is no reason for her to be mad at u if u tell her about ur past
From experience as the wife of someone who grew up being physically, mentally, and emotionally abused. If she loves you she will be supportive and love you through whatever you need to do work through any issues from your past. It will also make her more understanding of any problems you may run into while you are together.
My husband and I met when he was 26 and I was 20. He’s spent 6yrs in an Army SpecOps unit, 11yr in the Army all together, and just graduated with his B.S this past Dec. He was in therapy 3 days a week(for 3yrs), not including a group session, through the VA when we first met. I assumed it was for PTSD from deploying 5 times. After we got married he told me everything he talked about in therapy was about his childhood and parents. Shortly after we met he started to tell me a bit about his childhood. Now that we’ve been married for almost 4yrs and have 2 beautiful babies I know pretty much everything. It has made me HATE his mother, and every time I see her I want to knock her into next Tuesday. I told him flat out when I got pregnant that I was NEVER going to leave our babies alone with his mother for even a second. His father isn’t in the picture, but both his mother and father are on their 3rd spouses. His moms second husband, the one that my hubby grew up with, beat him so badly there are physical scars on his back(cigar burns, etc). When his mom threw a fit about me not wanting our babies around her I went to the Dept of Children and Families in the county he lived in growing up, with my hubby, to request the paper work from when he was removed from the home. The first time was when he was 9 months old, his grandparents called the police because they found “unnatural” bruises on his little body. He bounced around in and out of foster care will he was 17. Some of the reports from DCF have pictures that made me want to vomit and reports that brought tears to my eyes. He hasn’t looked at any of it. I showed his mother, and asked her WTF, and she hasn’t said a word since. She sees our babies once every 2 months for supervised visits. I told her she is welcome whenever we are home, but she didn’t care about her own son so obviously the grandkids are way down on the care list. It bothers me that he still talks to her and even she admits he doesn’t know why he does but I’ve tried to let that go. His whole family is HORRIBLE! Not that my family is perfect, but I have a whole new appreciation for my parents. I’ve have thanked them about a thousand times since my husband and I have been together. My hubby’s mom made our life a living hell when we got engaged and all through my pregnancy with our first. She told my husband I was trying to trap him. He grew up on welfare, and had no money, and was in college, when we met. I come from a wealthy family that has endowed me with money of my own. I was in RN school when we met and put it off for his military career. I’m now finishing up my last semester of RN school. She’s the anti-christ! It was so bad that my parents held my trust back, and wouldn’t help us, in case I wanted a divorce because his family was so awful. My parents know most of what I do. Now we don’t talk much to his family, and my parents have taken over the parent role for my hubby. He and my dad hang out together all the time and my father hasn’t missed one promotion, graduation, etc of my husbands. Just pisses me off!
Its not like you did anything wrong. Take a load off. None of that stuff is your fault.
I admire you. I am sure she will stand by you. If she can’t, as hard as it is, you need to see it us about her and not you. If she loved you, you are lovable and there will be someone else. You inspire me to keep working on my issues. You did not deserve it and you wonder why this had to happen to you. It makes no sense. You sound so calm and thoughtful and in control of how you are feeling! It will work out!